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  1. #41
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    I have a plan for you. Rescue your children and then go live on a remote island where nobody will find you. Good luck.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    He never ever did anything for his kids whilst I was there, he left us hungry for 3 weeks whilst he spent the household budget on himself. We had to beg the neighbours for food once. He is an asshole, he doesn't deserve it.

    Not exaggerating the way I see it, I am genuinely fearful of what will happen to me.
    I'm very sorry to hear all of this, Sahara. I wish you well.

    A few years back I went through training in domestic violence counseling and volunteered a couple of years at a shelter for battered women and their children. (No particular reason other than I felt called to do it). I actually worked with the kids from homes of DV. This guy is going to disappoint your kids a lot. Make promises he will not keep, then try to buy them off with elaborate gifts. Try to pit your own kids against you. I'm sure you already know this and it doesn't sound good to hear but if you keep this in mind it might help you to not lose focus of the big picture.

    I'd encourage you surround your kids with positive influences, (coaches, teachers, etc). Don't be afraid of setting rules and structure and discipline. Sure, daddy may be the "fun" one, and your kids might say some nasty things to you along the way, but in the regiment and routine your kids will pick up on one central theme, stability. That can last a lifetime.

    I've never known or heard of a case where fighting fire with fire worked. You can be open with your kids but you'd probably want to keep things on a general level. Feeling like you can trust people will be very difficult but I'd encourage you to talk to people in your children's life about your situation. You don't have to go into detail but perhaps mention to school teachers and administrators that you're concerned about how your divorce is affecting your kids and ask that they keep an eye on their behavior. Watch what they eat, what they draw, what they say, those kind of things. Kids, though, do a lot of random stuff and can have erratic behavior so you don't necessarily need to panic at every change.

    If there are counselors available, art therapists, pet programs, they might be worthwhile to be a part of. YOURSELF included. Even if you don't think you "need" to. You don't have to be all touchy feely. No matter how introverted you may be, a good support system is vital.

    Safety first.

    Many of these kinds of men drop out of their kids' lives as they get older. Hopefully sooner than later for yours. Perhaps not the most satisfying wish but it does happen.

  3. #43
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    Well if he has promised then I don't think he will do it.

  4. #44
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Historically, what is the cause of war?

    Appeasement.

    The hush.

    The policy of Bush against Russia.

    Pacification leads to war.


    Be placid. Open the door for invasion. Supply the foeman.



    Krishnamurti was raised in India.
    He was regularly beaten.
    He saw women being regurlarly abused and beaten.

    I read all his books when I was fifteen.
    I was often surprised at what he said.
    It was so peculiar, so strange.

    Once he said: Marriage is prostitution.

    I did not get it. I was brought up in a liberal home, and in another culture.

    I began to read Swedish books:
    Written by women who had been married to immigrant men.

    One scenario scarcely differed from another.

    If a woman left her husband she was condemned to death by the family of the husband.

    In a case like this, our police authorities were regularily nonplussed.
    If you want to indict, you must find the motive.

    Who are the immigrants?
    The poor do not have the means (=the influence and the connections) to emigrate.

    Why the falsehood was rewarded?

    -The judge may accept a bribe.
    -He may be under a political pressure.
    -He may be an object of a blackmail.

    The existing platform:
    The judge simply and honestly believes in a dialogue between cultures.

  5. #45
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    Marriage is like prostitution - a wife is kinda like a personal prostitute if you get what I mean.

  6. #46
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    Well if he has promised then I don't think he will do it.
    Sona, meet reality. Reality, meet Sona. You two should get to know each other.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    Marriage is like prostitution - a wife is kinda like a personal prostitute if you get what I mean.
    Yes, we get it. It's a bad joke.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    That just all kinds of sucks!

    Can you get a permit for a weapon and learn how to use it?
    The UK approach to personal defense is that it's the prerogative of the state, and that no individual has a legitimate right to self-defense. Well, the law doesn't quite say that...there is a theoretical right to self-defense...but if you actually physically oppose someone in the course of their committing a crime against you (even if it's a violent crime against your person) you will find yourself on trial attempting to prove that you were 1) exercising your theoretical right to self-defense, and that 2) you did not exceed what the legal establishment considers the appropriate level of response.

    Win, and your big reward is you won't go to jail.

    The idea is that the cops will protect you. All you have to do is call them when you need them, then survive your beating/rape/stabbing/etc. until they arrive. The way it works in practice is that the police arrive after the fact to take reports and file paperwork.

    There are quite a few people in the US who want our laws to work the same way. I'm opposed to the idea myself, as you might have guessed.

  8. #48
    Oberon
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    Marriage is like prostitution - a wife is kinda like a personal prostitute if you get what I mean.
    Once, during a terrible argument my wife and I were having early in our marriage, she raised this point. She said "That's all I am to you...your whore!"

    To my shame, I replied "No, that's not true at all. If you were just my whore, I would have fired you a long time ago."


  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by oberon67 View Post
    Once, during a terrible argument my wife and I were having early in our marriage, she raised this point. She said "That's all I am to you...your whore!"

    To my shame, I replied "No, that's not true at all. If you were just my whore, I would have fired you a long time ago."

    A wife is a prostitute (theoretically) generally, its accepted the man works and the wife is a housewife. You provide for her, put a roof on her head, feed her cloth her etc. You have sex with her, she is your personal prostitute. You're getting her body in return for commitment and financial security you can provide her, and you both kinda have an agreement she will only have sex with you, for the remainder of the time, until you can provide these benefits for her.

  10. #50
    Oberon
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sona View Post
    A wife is a prostitute (theoretically) generally, its accepted the man works and the wife is a housewife. You provide for her, put a roof on her head, feed her cloth her etc. You have sex with her, she is your personal prostitute. You're getting her body in return for commitment and financial security you can provide her, and you both kinda have an agreement she will only have sex with you.
    You're not making yourself look good to say such things here, Sona. It's like picking your nose. If you must do it, do it in private.

    Suffice to say, I don't see the marriage relationship that way at all. If I thought my wife was only fvcking me because I paid all her living expenses, I wouldn't be interested.

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