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  1. #11
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    You're making perfect sense.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  2. #12
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    If I am making no sense it's because I can't find it in any of this.
    You make perfect sense to me, but I'm not sure that's a good thing.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #13
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    I just want to know if I am right in feeling so betrayed and let down? or is this the way it should be and I am seeing it all wrong.
    I have no idea why they concluded this... probably some fairness doctrine. Who says fathers are unfairly disciminated against? Yeesh... You personally should feel let down. The only thing, as crappy as it is, I can advise is to start looking forward for ways to protect yourself and your kids. Anything you do is better than nothing... Don't get too trapped in the unfairness that you ignore the practical ramifications.

    But this totally sucks

    If you were in Canada he'd be in jail... Then again the system here let my mother keep us even though by all rights had she been a man she'd be in jail and not allowed access to anyone under 18.
    Yah Come to Canada!

  4. #14
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    pt, check my addition
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #15
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    You're making perfect sense.
    Yes, she definitely is.

    Unfortunately. Sigh. And I have read far too many "bad ending" stories about women and "restraining orders" to feel good about Sahara being protected by the legal system at all, anymore.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #16
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    I'm so sorry, Sahara. I don't have the words. This is bullshit.
    Thanks lateralus

    Quote Originally Posted by sundowning View Post
    What does your lawyer say?

    Obviously I'm in agreement with your position as this has been a beef of mine for a long time, but my approach is to always try to find a way to negate the need for sympathy itself.
    My solictor says that we can appeal and hold up the process for a few more months but at the appeal they will make the same order, and that she knows this stinks...."But if he does anything then blah blah blah" because hey, I might survive.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    That just all kinds of sucks!

    Can you get a permit for a weapon and learn how to use it?
    No weapons allowed in the UK that I know of, I wish, I can just see myself becoming housebound again like before, as the only way to stay safe.

    I'm sure I will have a plan soon, on how to stay safer, I just can't think past ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH right now. :steam:

    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    So sorry you are having to go through all of this.
    Thank you heart
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  7. #17
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    My solictor says that we can appeal and hold up the process for a few more months but at the appeal they will make the same order, and that she knows this stinks...."But if he does anything then blah blah blah" because hey, I might survive.
    I would appeal anyway. Something might happen to change the judges mind between now and then.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    I am so depressed, angry and disheartened right now. Yesterday I was ordered to allow access to my children for their father, my ex husband.
    You shouldn't be Sahara its not your fault. But not that I am defending the guy, at the end of the he is the father no matter how fucked up he is and he also has a right see his kids at least once a month.

    Sounds fair, but then this is the same ex husband who physicaly abused me for 8 yrs, this is the same ex husband who said he would kill me if he knew I was raising the children as non muslims, this is the same ex husband who told our son, that he was possessed by a jinn and need an exorcism, this is the same ex husband who downloaded the nick berg beheading and watched it whilst our son was in the room until I came and took him out of the room, this is the same ex husband who jumped up and down in celebration when the twin towers fell in front of our son, and cheers every suicide bomber, whilst rants about kiling jews, this is the same ex husband who taught my son to spit at me and call me derogatory names, this is the same ex husband who lied in court and was proven to be a liar (there was more, so much more). Still sound fair?
    Yes, that is sure bad. But not bad enough not allowing him to see his kids for life. I'm not defending him in anyway... Apart form the abuse he dished out to you and misleading the kids, everything else you mentioned isn't too bad. There are extremist people around in all societies and cultures.

    How is it that he can lie in court, the judge say "I find you to be a liar", and still be rewarded?
    Because it would be unjust for him to be banned to see his kids for life, it would also be unfair on the kids, who might want to see their father.

    I just don't understand, now I will never be really safe, and I could end up the next honour killing statistic, another page in a paper of a woman who kept asking for help yet kept being shot down.
    Na that won't happen, you're just beating yourself up. I know its hard for you, but you have to be strong. Take it on the chin and move on.

    They say I have to give it a go, and that if it goes wrong, which it will, that I can return to court, they ignored me when I said that this is gambling with my childrens mental health, that their lives were not up for experimentation to see if it will work for the tenth time, they seem to be igoring the fact that if it goes wrong I may not be alive to return to court.

    So much for justice, it doesn't exist.
    Look they are also his kids, surely his not stupid enough to mess with their mental health. No father would ever think about harming his own kids deliberately. You'll be alright. You just need to give it a try it might work out.

    I hope you feel better soon!

  9. #19
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    pt, check my addition
    Heh heh, ain't that the truth


    And appeal. Absolutely appeal.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Sona...man...I disagree with so much of what you just said. Not that bad? What would have to happen for it to be "bad enough" for you?

    When you're abusive like her ex has been, you lose your rights as far as I'm concerned.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

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