You will step out in the street and get hit by a bus... if not today, then tomorrow.
Your life will suck and then you will die.
Your wife is not sleeping with another man while you are reading this. (They are very much awake.)
You're ugly and will never amount to anything.
Today is the best day of the rest of your life; everything gets worse from here.
Your mother makes fun of your nose behind your back.
(PS. She's also not your mother.)
Fortune cookies for gorillas are sold separately.
Germs are invisible and deadly.
This slip of paper was covered with three trillion of them.
"Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"
“Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft