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  1. #21
    Senior Member
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    You can't put a shine on a sneaker

    I'm nice but not Santa Claus

    When the boat is a'rockin', don't come a knockin'

    Get your hands out of your pocket, whatdaya playing pocket pool


    Can you tell that I grew up in the city?

  2. #22

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    My Scoutmaster had quite the collection...

    When he wanted us to be quiet: "I want to be able to hear a rat pissing on cotton"

    When somebody was hopelessly screwing up a task: "You look like a monkey trying to fuck a football"

    When everyone's presence was required: "I want every swinging dick out here"

    And then one I coined myself that I quite like...

    "That's like being the thinnest kid at fat camp"

  3. #23
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    "Ummm that was so good it made me want to slap my mother"

    "I love you like a fat kid loves cake"

    "Inappropriate" (I use that with my first graders...and some adults too...ha!)

    And my personal favorite...when I would tell my mother that she just HAD to do something or another for me she would say:
    "I don't have to do anything but stay black and die"

  4. #24
    Member Llenyd's Avatar
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    An excuse I use when I forget someone's name:
    It took me 18 months to learn my own name.

  5. #25
    respect the brick C.J.Woolf's Avatar
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    "I feel like a hundred dollars."

  6. #26
    Junior Member HanoverFist's Avatar
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    Ones I always liked:
    "Shit happens"
    "Fuck it"
    "if it smell good eat it"
    "do you want a hit off of this?"
    "pull my finger"

    One I always hated:
    "Such is life"
    Scuse me, gotta run, some 'feeling type' is walking towards me trying to make something called conversation

  7. #27
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    necroposting
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  8. #28
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    "You need to make like an exorcist and get the hell out of here."
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
    http://www.revoltingvegetables.com

  9. #29
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    "I wouldn't throw her out for eating crackers in bed"

    "whatever lifts your skirt"

    "dull as dishwater"

    "Wish in one hand, crap in the other, and you'll never be empty-handed."
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  10. #30
    Supreme High Commander Andy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    "
    "Wish in one hand, crap in the other, and you'll never be empty-handed."
    The version I know of that one is "Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which fills up first."

    On a similar line: "If wishes were fishes, we'd all eat cod for tea."

    "Believe in yourself, follow your dreams and you'll get beated by someone who just worked hard."

    "Bullshit makes the world go round."

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