Shorter quotes from the radio show / Welcome to Night Vale tweets:
"On this day in history: people related to you whose names you do not know performed actions that were never recorded."
"There's nothing under your bed. There's nothing in your closet. Nothing waits in every darkness. Nothing is the most terrifying thing of all."
"Monday would like you to leave it alone! It is not its fault that you are emotionally unprepared for your professional lives."
"Remember: If you see something, say nothing, and drink to forget."
"Last Christmas I gave you my heart. The very next day you were still quite shaken over this gory and incomprehensible gesture."
"Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you."
The City Council announces the opening of a new dog park at the corner of Earl and Sommerset, near the Ralph’s. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park. It is possible that you will see hooded figures in the dog park. DO NOT APPROACH THEM. DO NOT APPROACH THE DOG PARK. The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the dog park, and, especially, do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. The dog park will not harm you.
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To claim your new member benefits, simply visit Stamps.com, and press your forehead against the radio mic in the upper-right of your screen until your entire body falls forwards into the alternate Stamps.com universe.
Stamps.com will tell your family you loved them very much. Stamps.com will tell your family that Stamps.com loves them very much.
“Come here, family. You are all our family now,” Stamps.com will say, stretching their many boneless arms around your terrified family. “Come here. We are all loving family.”
Stamps.com. You live in a dying world. We love you.
The following quote has got to be my most favorite quote all year long:
“I mean if you just look inside the brain, it…..a very complicated organ but it’s 100 billion neurons and 100 trillion synapses so a lot of neurons talking to each other but just take it down to one neuron right, it’s looking for an input and once it gets the input it fires and that firing causes another neuron to fire and that’s how the brain works, right, how do you get conscious will, freewill into that system, it’s just inputs and outputs on a vast massive scale where we’re incorporating lots of information and we’re making simulations and calculations but it’s all happening in neurons right there’s nothing directing the neurons there’s no ghost-in-the-machine that’s telling the neurons how to behave and each individual neuron isn’t a mind where it says, you know I’m not gonna fire this time I’m deciding not to fire right, that’s what the brain is so it’s hard knowing that’s how things work how do you get in a conscious choice into that?” – Dr. Thalia Wheatley, from the Youtube video “Alan Alda gets hypnotized” between approximately 9 minutes and 20 seconds and 10 minutes and 19 seconds.
“There is something within me that might be illusion as it is often case with young delighted people, but if I would be fortunate to achieve some of my ideals, it would be on the behalf of the whole of humanity. If those hopes would become fulfilled, the most exiting thought would be that it is a deed of a Serb.” - Nikola Tesla
“Out of this war, the greatest since the beginning of history, a new world must be born, a world that would justify the sacrifices offered by humanity. This new world must be a world in which there shall be no exploitation of the weak by the strong, of the good by the evil; where there will be no humiliation of the poor by the violence of the rich; where the products of intellect, science and art will serve society for the betterment and beautification of life, and not the individuals for achieving wealth." - Nikola Tesla
Still think INTJs are all "evil?"
"And then, as I got her message, there came a light from her eyes - powerful beams of light." - Nikola Tesla
"As strange as it seems, I am coming to believe that there are some people, maybe many, who believe that rules actually exist. That when you write a law it actually changes the world. That when you forbid bullying in school, bullying will magically decrease. And magically is the operative word because there is nothing inherent in paper and ink to change people's behavior. Unenforced, rules only have power over the people who consciously agree to abide by them or those so brainwashed or superstitious that they, too believe the rules are real. Someone who believes that a 'Keep Off The Grass' sign actually forces people not to walk on grass." - Rory Miller
"I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz