You have to understand how these forces can rip you apart. Right now you are a mass of contradictions - trouble with religions, trouble with duty... but then, you want a religious wife, but you want to be free - how does that happen? Does your wife not have to obey your mother? If she is dutiful, you will be trapped, more, forever.
The more you work within the contradictions you hold, the more they will escalate... worse and worse, binding you more and more.
What you are looking for is security - security with a woman who will act in accordance to what you expect and know... Security with your family, with your religion. Stepping outside will be scary... but what you can't do is try for both. You must choose and accept the consequences from either embracing your religion, family and such... or you must step out and accept the risks and the fear that will come with it.