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  1. #1
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Default Gift giving...a thinker dilemma?

    With Christmas around the corner, my usual scrutinizing of the holiday shopping has already started. Working at a department store, I see hundreds and hundreds of people buying such insignificant gifts just because it's Christmas or they think the person can use it. I just stand there like....I don't get it. I tell a lot of customers that I have a hard time reaching the point of caring enough about another person to buy them a gift. I'll admit I have bought a few gifts, but they were very small and much more purposeful.

    Like I said in another thread, I despise the whole gift giving process. The fact that you're getting me a gift for Christmas just means the purchase was provoked by the holiday, thus the meaning behind it is trivial. It'd be different if I were in a relationship, and I were lusting for someone, then all rules would be thrown out the window. If I really wanted something, I'd just get it myself. Though, part of me likes the gift giving process because it's an incredibly efficient way of showing you what the other person thinks of you and your relationship with them along with giving you a glimpse into how they think.

    I'm well aware that there are a massive amount of people who criticize the holidays for similar reasons. I love the Christmas season. I just don't get the gift buying. I guess to me, a gift should be so immensely personalized. I read a really interesting site that probably applies to a lot of Thinkers.

    http://successbeginstoday.org/wordpr...alytical-mind/

    I look at buying a gift with questions. Who am I buying the gift for? Why are they important to me? Why are they important enough to warrant spending my own money on them? What will I gain from buying this gift for them? Will they like it? Should I care if they like it? How much time should I spend deciding on the gift? How much money should I spend on it? These questions pop up in my head at the thought of buying someone something.

    Do others run into these problems?


  2. #2
    Just a statistic rhinosaur's Avatar
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    I like giving well-planned meaningful gifts. It's challenging to find something special, and it shows that you care about the person. If you truly are on a person's wavelength, you can always find something good that you know they will enjoy. Over the years, me and my sister have evolved and matured greatly in this respect, and we know each other more intimately because of it. Gift giving, after all, is one of the love languages.

    Hmm, speaking of which, I have some more gifts I've been meaning to buy.

    I do understand your frustration, cause I was once there myself. It doesn't have to be that way, though. Do what you feel is right, not what is expected.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Pancreas's Avatar
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    I rarely give gifts. Part of it is my own personal viewpoint. I dont expect or really want presents at Christmas or birthdays (not to say Im not happy to receive gifts, just I wouldnt be bothered if I was bought anything by anyone). There is a limited number of people who I could be bothered getting a gift for.

    Also, gift giving is one of those occasions when my perfectionism pops up and turns the whole process into an exercise in futility. The gift has to be perfect. Even if they get a crappy, useless and tasteless present for me, if I care enough to get them a present, then I need to get them the Best Present Ever. More annoying is when I succeed and have to somehow outdo myself next time. Or when Im in competition with known good present givers. Grrr.

    But yes, I tend to over think.

  4. #4
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    Give a list of various items to your friends. Have them do the same in return. Saves a lot of inefficiency and waste.

  5. #5
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Lists are useful, though do somewhat diminish the fun of it. On the other hand, they save everyone a lot of head aches.
    Raz, consider it an opportunity to list all the things you always liked but never bothered to get.

    Also, gift giving without a list is the ultimate opportunity to strengthen your bond with someone and show them that you actually *know* them. It's pretty much the same as knowing how they take their coffee. Sure, they can get their own, but they appreciate that you do it for them and actually get their preferences right.

    Practical gifts therefore..can be right but for the right person. If the person is a closet romantic with a thing for dolphins, then get her a dolphin pendant, a statue of dolphins or for the ultimate gift: a swim with dolphins. If the person is actually practical, like yourself, get them a chainsaw to trim those trees that bug him every year, or that new vaccuumcleaner they've seen on tv that will get rid of his frustration about cat hairs everywhere

    Both will love you for it
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #6
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz1337 View Post

    Like I said in another thread, I despise the whole gift giving process. The fact that you're getting me a gift for Christmas just means the purchase was provoked by the holiday, thus the meaning behind it is trivial.
    Haha this must be why my ISTJ ex husband used to be so ungrateful when I bought him a gift on any specific holiday.

    See, for me I don't buy gifts any other time of the year, because I am EXTREMELY fearful of rejection in any form. I may be dying inside to express my feelings in the form of a well thought out gift, but I won't do it.

    For instance with valentines day, it was the only day I felt that rejection wasn't an issue and could buy a gift and shower affection and treats on the person I love because it was allowed to be expressive on that day.

    The meaning that motivates everyones gift on a holiday occasion may appear trivial to you, but to that person, it could be everything to have this one day that they are allowed to show they care.

    At least this is how it is for me.

    I look at buying a gift with questions. Who am I buying the gift for? Why are they important to me? Why are they important enough to warrant spending my own money on them? What will I gain from buying this gift for them? Will they like it? Should I care if they like it? How much time should I spend deciding on the gift? How much money should I spend on it? These questions pop up in my head at the thought of buying someone something.
    I question it too, but not the ones I crossed out, once I have answered the first two questions then the 3rd question becomes unimportant, if they are important to me, they are important enough to spend my money on.

    I don't care about what I will gain, since I know their happiness in the gift will be my main gain, I already know they will like it because I personalise gifts to a persons personality, and really sound them out before hand.

    How much money I should spend on it is only a question for me because my finances insist upon it lol
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

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  7. #7
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    One thing.. Don't overthink it.
    I tell my mom what I want, write it on paper, and even give directions to the store & the price of the thing. But she never buys what I want. Because: she wasn't certain if I wanted it or it wasn't useful or she didn't understand why I'd want something like that.
    So I get a pair of socks and pajamas.. again.

  8. #8
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post

    I don't care about what I will gain, since I know their happiness in the gift will be my main gain
    I want a tangible effect from the gift, otherwise the "feeling" is merely temporary. I can't measure a feeling, and I don't trust my emotions enough to find enjoyment in their happiness.


  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Kaboodle - have fun shopping with friends, share and discover new products.

    too late for this year...but if you could convince people to use it and send you a link it might make it easier...??

    or...maybe it just seems like that...it's kinda cool though.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #10
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    Although I've got a very wide circle of friends, I usually only exchange gifts with my immediate family and a select few others. Some of my Feeler friends can't understand why I don't put much stock in holidays and other celebrations, and they're typically personally hurt when I leave them out. So, I end up giving them gifts, too, especially when they incidentally mention that they're giving something to me.

    The gifts I do give, however, have a lot of thought put into them. They're especially meaningful and tailored to the person, and I don't have to ask them what they want. I do get satisfaction out of the whole process.

    From a strictly utilitarian viewpoint, we'd all just give each other cash and it'd all be a wash anyway (discounting the reduced hassle in picking up what we would've gotten as gifts ourselves). But that's not the only viewpoint there is.

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