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  1. #11
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I think the ultimate happiness would be to be understood and loved at the same time. To know that someone "gets" you, and loves you for being exactly who you are.

  2. #12
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    Being understood usually makes me uncomfortable. I'd rather be loved and liked.

  3. #13
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Everyone wants a soul mate, but no one wants to be a soul mate.

  4. #14
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Being liked is nice because it doesn't necessarily require you get close to anyone. People can like and admire each other from a distance.

    Being loved is of course a great thing. But if the love isn't reciprocated, this can create big problems for both the lover and the loved.

    The best thing about being understood is that the person who understands you will often act accordingly to that understanding, thus erasing most of the would be misunderstandings and miscommunication and angst from the relationship.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Everyone wants a soul mate, but no one wants to be a soul mate.
    Says who?
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  6. #16
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Default The Education of Desire

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    Says who?
    Says me. Haven't you ever daydreamed about the perfect soul mate? But have you ever day dreamed about being the perfect soul mate?

    Have you ever taken steps to find out how you could be a soul mate?

    Have you ever practised being a soul mate? And yet you want one, you desire one for yourself.

    So you can see the problem. If we all want a soul mate, but none of us want to be a soul mate, the result is misery.

    And the only way out of this impasse is the most difficult thing of all - to change our desires.

    But why would we want to do that when we are free to have what we want, as long as we don't harm others?

    Well, freedom is essential but is does not guarantee that we will desire what is good.

    So perhaps the next step after freedom is to educate our desires.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    You can't assume nobody wants to be one.
    Anybody relatively mature knows it's not all take.

    Peace, Victor, I'm not arguing, just saying.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  8. #18
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    You can't assume nobody wants to be one.
    Anybody relatively mature knows it's not all take.

    Peace, Victor, I'm not arguing, just saying.
    It's OK for you to argue with me. And of course you are right, anyone relatively mature knows it is not all take.

    But also freedom is relatively new. Institutional slavery was only abolished for the first time in human history in 1833 by the House of Commons. Apartheid only ended recently. The Berlin Wall only came down in 1989. And vast areas of the world remain unfree today. So universal freedom is only very new in some parts of the world - our part.

    So we are free here to desire what we want as long as we don't harm others.

    But our free desires are often childlike. And our desires are often contradictory. And they are very often cheap and vulgar. And quite often, self destructive.

    And so we need to learn, it seems to me, to desire what is good.

    And the education of desire starts with a good liberal arts education in the humanities. But where it ends, I don't know.

    My own desires tend to be childlike or childish, contradictory and sometimes cheap and vulgar, and a little self destructive.

    Of course, usually I hide this from myself and everyone else but my reason tells me, I can desire better.

    And perhaps this is the first step - to desire better.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    "And the education of desire starts with a good liberal arts education in the humanities."

    lol!
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  10. #20
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    "And the education of desire starts with a good liberal arts education in the humanities."

    lol!
    Well, I would have thought that the question, "What is the good life?", is the question asked in the liberal arts.

    In other words, "What should we desire?".

    It seems like a good place to start.

    But perhaps you should tell me why you are laughing out loud - yes?

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