Taking things at face value

[Jeffster]

Hey, in this thread, Viv said:

SPs I know tend to take things at face-value too much, which is one of my pet-peeves.

Since I can't reply in the NF Private forum, I figured I'd start a topic here about this. For Viv or any other non-SP to explain what is taking things at face value "too much"? Is this something that bothers you? If so, can you explain what it means to you and why it bothers you?

To me, taking things at face value is actually respecting people. Instead of reading hidden meanings into what people say, I let them speak for themselves, rather than jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. I try to make it clear to people if they want me to know something, they can tell me and I'll take what they say for what it is, and they don't have to think of some clever, mysterious way to say stuff because I don't require that.

[Aimahn]

I think there needs to be a certain amount of clarity in regards to personal and emotional situations because then face value takes on a whole different meaning. In terms of theories and concepts the difference is much more noticeable and for me easier to discern.

I think its just not actively questioning and cross referencing what you hear/learn and not constantly comparing it to what you've understood in the past, the current context, future implications and not being willing to adapt that knowledge in new situations. In a school situation it is sort of keying in on buzzwords and definition and not looking at the overarching theme or concept being discussed and sort of filling in the blanks with your own terms and definitions(or using your own reasoning to understand said terms/definitions).

Basically taking everything as crystallized and not willing to mold and sculpture it.

[sarah]

Originally Posted by Jeffster

Hey, in this thread, Viv said:



Since I can't reply in the NF Private forum, I figured I'd start a topic here about this. For Viv or any other non-SP to explain what is taking things at face value "too much"? Is this something that bothers you? If so, can you explain what it means to you and why it bothers you?

To me, taking things at face value is actually respecting people. Instead of reading hidden meanings into what people say, I let them speak for themselves, rather than jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. I try to make it clear to people if they want me to know something, they can tell me and I'll take what they say for what it is, and they don't have to think of some clever, mysterious way to say stuff because I don't require that.

Looking over that thread, it seems that pretty much all of the responders think "party animal" = the SP temperament, and that every person they've identified as an "SP" in their lives never reads anything interesting, never thinks for his or herself, and can't get enough of the party scene. No wonder they can't enjoy the company of those "SPs" unless they're drunk.

But it's probably true that sensing means you'd rather take people for their word than have to listen to a bunch of vaguely worded hints and spend time trying to decipher the real message behind them. Having a conversation with someone who never directly says what they're thinking or feeling can be exhausting, especially if I make a wrong guess and I get blamed for misreading their minds. I jsut sometimes want to ask people like this if it would kill them to just say what they mean right out front, especially if I'm not in the mood for guessing games. (And unlike the responders on the NF thread, I'm not going around claiming that everyone in my life whom I've identified as an NF or an NT is annoying like that.)

Sarah
ISFP

[Jeffster]

Originally Posted by sarah

Looking over that thread, it seems that pretty much all of the responders think "party animal" = the SP temperament, and that every person they've identified as an "SP" in their lives never reads anything interesting, never thinks for his or herself, and can't get enough of the party scene. No wonder they can't enjoy the company of those "SPs" unless they're drunk.

Eh..a lot of them just say that we're fun..which is true! It probably takes some effort to really get to know some SPs because we don't necessarily initiate conversations about "reading anything interesting" or whatever. Probably many of us ARE content to just be seen as the party dude. But anyone who really wants to know beyond that, we also tend to be some of the most open people I think, not about hidden agendas or manipulation. Well, unless we're messing with somebody.

Having a conversation with someone who never directly says what they're thinking or feeling can be exhausting, especially if I make a wrong guess and I get blamed for misreading their minds. I jsut sometimes want to ask people like this if it would kill them to just say what they mean right out front, especially if I'm not in the mood for guessing games.

Totally. I'm not a mind reader. Tell me what you want me to know and let's go from there, trying to beat around the bush or give me a verbal treasure map to try to locate the gold, and I'm liable to tune you out.

[SolitaryPenguin]

Originally Posted by Jeffster

Totally. I'm not a mind reader. Tell me what you want me to know and let's go from there, trying to beat around the bush or give me a verbal treasure map to try to locate the gold, and I'm liable to tune you out.

Took the words out of my mouth.

I get this same damn thing in every relationship in my life. Whether it be romantic, platonic, business, friendship, whatever.

Just tell me what you want to say, what you want me to do, if I am pissing you off, if you're happy with me, something. I have better things to do with my time than to sit here and try to contemplate what may or may not be going on inside your head and how it possibly affects me.

I am pretty sure this is the main reason I got divorced. She got sick of me not being able to read her mind, and I got sick of her trying to get me to.

I'd much rather hear "Hey, could you take the garbage out?" or "I'd really like a back rub" or "Are you going to respond to my email?" than a prolonged series of sighs and eyebrow furrows pointed in my direction.

I didn't read the other thread, but this post just got me into rant mode. I will go read it now, lol.

[nottaprettygal]

I think you can wish and hope that people will tell you exactly what they want and when they want it, but I'm sure as every SP has figured out, it doesn't work that way. For me personally, it's important for people to understand how things are working inside of me without clearly spelling it out for them. If I say everything that is on my mind and communicate my every demand, it seems like the person isn't understanding my needs on a deeper non-verbal level.

Do SPs always express themselves clearly with no room for interpretation?

[BerberElla]

Originally Posted by SolitaryPenguin

Just tell me what you want to say, what you want me to do, if I am pissing you off, if you're happy with me, something. I have better things to do with my time than to sit here and try to contemplate what may or may not be going on inside your head and how it possibly affects me.

I feel like this when it comes to other people all the time. I hate having to dig deeper than what I'm being told, there are bigger things I would like to be thinking about than what a person isn't telling me.

I actually prefer to take people at face value, and do so in the beginning, I only start digging at the motives when I become aware that "hang on a moment, these actions don't match up to the words, there is something more here" and then I get pissed off because I'm not being told the truth.

The thing is I have honestly found more SP's/SJ's wearing a mask I have to dig past than the other types. You are not always the bubbly open and upfront people you think you are, sometimes you are unable to express what's going on deeper inside and at those times the actions I see do not mirror the mask, then face value becomes pointless.

[SolitaryPenguin]

Originally Posted by nottaprettygal

Do SPs always express themselves clearly with no room for interpretation?

Of course not, at least this one doesn't, lol.

[wolfy]

SPs I know tend to take things at face-value too much, which is one of my pet-peeves.

It's no more or less than what is stated. Viv has many SP friends who tend to take things at face value which is her personal dislike.

I take everything at face value. I tried insinuating a few times, too much trouble. Here's how I think. Peoples wants are useful info. Tell me so I can factor it in, if I can't give you what you want I'll let you know.

I hate not being taken at face value.
"Pass me the tissues." "Are you sad?"
"That's a nice dress." "Are you coming on to me?"


George Carlin
I don’t have pet peeves, I have major, psychotic hatreds.

　　

[nottaprettygal]

Originally Posted by SolitaryPenguin

Of course not, at least this one doesn't, lol.

I was hoping you'd say that.

How can you expect others to constantly express themselves clearly as well?