SFP males... do you have this problem?

Mo · 09-23-2008, 06:39 AM

I've had to 'reject' (God how I hate that word) the advances two girls (an ENFJ & an ESFP) over the course of the past two months. I did it very gently and kind of skirted the issue somewhat and somehow, they and (especially) their GFs are majorly pissed off at me. Reason? Apparently, I led the girls on. Repeatedly, they say.

I'm still scratching my head; I was respectful and friendly and... that's about it. No conscious flirting on my part. Some of you may think "bah, where's the problem mentioned in the title?" I hate feeling like a jerk and... misery loves company. Two heads are better than one. Ah, whatever. Anyone else have this issue? And how can I 'prevent' it?

Mo

Quinlan · 09-23-2008, 06:42 AM

I have no idea where the line between being friendly and being flirty is, to me they seem kind of like the same thing. I'm also fairly oblivious as to how others perceive me, so combine those two and I've probably crossed the line fairly often just by being my playful self.

Mo · 09-24-2008, 05:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quinlan

I have no idea where the line between being friendly and being flirty is, to me they seem kind of like the same thing. I'm also fairly oblivious as to how others perceive me, so combine those two and I've probably crossed the line fairly often just by being my playful self.

I guess I may also have that issue. In my mind, I'm just being friendly but it comes off as flirtatious behavior to the ladies.

Mo

Jeffster · 09-24-2008, 05:59 AM

Yeah, I'm often called a flirt, but the truth is I'm just naturally this charming.

sarah · 09-24-2008, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mo_(operalover)

I've had to 'reject' (God how I hate that word) the advances two girls (an ENFJ & an ESFP) over the course of the past two months. I did it very gently and kind of skirted the issue somewhat; they and their GFs are majorly pissed off at me. Reason? Apparently, I led the girls on. Repeatedly, they say.

I'm still scratching my head; I was respectful and friendly and... that's about it. No conscious flirting on my part. Some of you may think "bah, where's the problem mentioned in the title?" I hate feeling like a jerk and... misery loves company. Two heads are better than one. Ah, whatever. Anyone else have this issue? And how can I 'prevent' it?

Mo

I realize I'm not an SFP male, but I've had the same thing! No conscious flirting, just these guys who think I'm encouraging them romantically even though that was the last thing on my mind. It doesn't happen so much now that I'm married, but sometimes guys overlook the presence of a wedding ring and think that because I'm relatively young (37) and I smile at them when I help them find library materials, or help them find what they need in the grocery store when I'm grocery shopping (sometimes I think I must have "ask me, I'm helpful" printed on my forehead) I must therefore be dying to get romantically involved with them.

During the year and a half I was in grad school, this happened more frequently. One guy got so mad at me for "leading him on" to believe that we had relationship potential that he snubbed me for the entire rest of the time I was in school there. I still don't know what I actually did that led him to believe I was committed to having a relationship with him just because I was friendly.

I also hate feeling like a jerk, and I'm glad that most guys look for a ring on a woman's finger before they assume that she's fair game for their romantic assumptions. I never figured out a way of preventing it, and would be curious to know if there is any way....

Sarah
ISFP

sarah · 09-24-2008, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mo_(operalover)

I guess I may also have that issue. In my mind, I'm just being friendly but it comes off as flirtatious behavior to the ladies.

Mo

You know, maybe it's that our friendliness has an overt playfulness about it that people commonly associate with flirtation. I never thought about that until now...

But that would suck if I had to change who I was just to avoid people getting the wrong impression.

Sarah
ISFP

Jack Flak · 09-24-2008, 12:25 PM

Slightly beside the OP point: I have noticed that ESFP females tend to be incredibly flirtatious with all guys who don't repulse them.

lauranna · 09-24-2008, 01:18 PM

I don't see it as a problem. It is indeed them with the problem! flirting, playfullness. all part of the game! Some people just take it all way too seriously!

PinkPiranha · 09-24-2008, 05:52 PM

Agreed. Being playful shouldn't brand you as a flirt.

Randomnity · 09-24-2008, 06:48 PM

I've had this happen before as well, to varying degrees, though of course I'm not ISFP, or a male. Only once was it a big deal though....but I still don't get it when people say I'm flirting outrageously and I'm only being friendly and/or genuinely enjoying someone's company without it being at all sexual or intending to imply anything.

I think people read into your actions what they want to, a lot of the time.

09-23-2008, 06:39 AM	#1 (permalink)
Mo Ntwa'dumela Join Date: Aug 2008 Type: ISFP Posts: 792	SFP males... do you have this problem? I've had to 'reject' (God how I hate that word) the advances two girls (an ENFJ & an ESFP) over the course of the past two months. I did it very gently and kind of skirted the issue somewhat and somehow, they and (especially) their GFs are majorly pissed off at me. Reason? Apparently, I led the girls on. Repeatedly, they say. I'm still scratching my head; I was respectful and friendly and... that's about it. No conscious flirting on my part. Some of you may think "bah, where's the problem mentioned in the title?" I hate feeling like a jerk and... misery loves company. Two heads are better than one. Ah, whatever. Anyone else have this issue? And how can I 'prevent' it? Mo Last edited by Mo; 09-25-2008 at 05:44 AM.

09-24-2008, 05:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
Jeffster RIP Join Date: Jun 2008 Type: isFp Location: College Station, Texas Posts: 4,517	Yeah, I'm often called a flirt, but the truth is I'm just naturally this charming. __________________ Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here "You are a wise man, O Jeffster of the Innerwebz." -- Pink Piranha

09-24-2008, 05:52 PM	#9 (permalink)
PinkPiranha Fe Lightning Waltz Join Date: Nov 2007 Type: eNFJ Location: shooting at the walls of heartache, bang bang! Posts: 8,793	Agreed. Being playful shouldn't brand you as a flirt. __________________ They shall know the difference now that I am back. - Achilles, returning to battle the Trojans (Iliad)

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09-23-2008, 06:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
Quinlan Gotham's Beige Knight Join Date: Apr 2008 Type: NZer Location: The wilderness Posts: 1,179	I have no idea where the line between being friendly and being flirty is, to me they seem kind of like the same thing. I'm also fairly oblivious as to how others perceive me, so combine those two and I've probably crossed the line fairly often just by being my playful self.

09-24-2008, 12:25 PM	#7 (permalink)
Jack Flak Banned Join Date: Jul 2008 Type: INTP Location: The Everlasting Sky Posts: 9,359	Slightly beside the OP point: I have noticed that ESFP females tend to be incredibly flirtatious with all guys who don't repulse them.

09-24-2008, 01:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
lauranna Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Type: ISTP Location: Nottingham UK Posts: 22	I don't see it as a problem. It is indeed them with the problem! flirting, playfullness. all part of the game! Some people just take it all way too seriously!

09-24-2008, 06:48 PM	#10 (permalink)
Randomnity insert random title here Join Date: May 2007 Type: ISTP Posts: 1,454	I've had this happen before as well, to varying degrees, though of course I'm not ISFP, or a male. Only once was it a big deal though....but I still don't get it when people say I'm flirting outrageously and I'm only being friendly and/or genuinely enjoying someone's company without it being at all sexual or intending to imply anything. I think people read into your actions what they want to, a lot of the time.