please give an opinion on istp behavior

[grendiecat]

need to get this one out of my system once and for all. have a crush on an istp. guy is someone i sometimes work with. he went through a divorce about a year ago, still maybe somewhat wounded, maybe--not sure about that. first said we couldn't be friends--conflict of interest (because we work together somewhat), he's selfish, different places in life, etc. etc. then changed his mind and we can be friends but wants to make sure i understand that he's not looking for a relationship. fine. now we've kicked up communication, e-mail each other back and forth about every three days or so. been working on developing him as a friend for 9 mos before he finally says he's up for that. for six months it's not ok and then a seemingly sudden turnaround out of nowhere. went out for beers a few nights ago--fun, he was pretty open, very entertaining, etc. Then two nights later, i thought he wanted to be invited again to go with me and another friend and we went out again--I didn't invite him--the other friend (who I know he isn't interested in) did. He confides in me about work and i confide in him and I know a good amount about his personal life/he knows as much about mine. Is there any possibility here or am I in enfj la la land in wishing it was? He's so reserved/hard to get to know, but i know a fair amount about him, he has spoken about some emotional stuff (certainly in the smallest of increments)--does this sound like there is any possibility this could develop into anything else? We are both into adventure stuff/outdoors stuff. I know he likes me as a person a good amount because I don't think an istp would bother otherwise. Right? I thought I would be comfortable just being his friend, but don't know if I can fully--just like him more than that. Does it sound like there are any romantic possibilities here? I just don't know at all how an ISTP would act if they were interested in someone. Or became interested.

["?"]

Seems like a dialogue has been started on this subject, and another one here.

[Colors]

Kind of sounds like he's jerking you around a bit from your point of view. I mean, is it really bad professional policy for co-workers to be friends? Then again, from his point of view, he might just being straightfoward with his intentions (or lack thereof).

Really I get from your message that you really want to know if there's a romantic future there, but who knows if he's interested/ready? Certainly not us, faceless posters on the internet.

Hang out. Get to know him better if the opportunity comes up. Regardless of type, he's an adult and the one that started out by saying there he had no romantic intentions, so if he changes his mind, he can and should be the one to initiate that conversation/flirtation/etc.

[Randomnity]

It doesn't matter what his type is, if he says he doesn't want a relationship, pressuring him into one is probably not going to end well. Wait for him to make the first non-platonic move when he's ready, if he ever will (and it's likely that he won't).

On a more type-specific note, ISTPs are kinda notorious for impulsively going for things they want, and screw the consequences (within reason). Since he's not going after you romantically, he probably has a good reason for it (or several reasons).

[Randomnity]

hey, I just noticed randomly that you posted in an earlier thread that you were married to an ISTP....now you're asking if you should go after another one?

[6sticks]

Originally Posted by Randomnity

hey, I just noticed randomly that you posted in an earlier thread that you were married to an ISTP....now you're asking if you should go after another one?

She quoted someone else without the quote thing.

Anyway... it seems like the ball's in his court. Best of luck. I'd keep your options open though.

[grendiecat]

Don't really go down that cheating path--everything is complicated enough without that in the mix.

[millerm277]

Generally...we don't tend to plan that far ahead. So, in my opinion...it is certainly possible that he will change his mind in the future, but I wouldn't expect it.

[grendiecat]

I think we need to start some kind of social group here, more activity based--i.e. who wants to go atving or canyoneering soon--part of the appeal of those istps and their love for adventure. maybe I should retake the test. I think I'm too "activity oriented" to really be an enfj.

[Randomnity]

whoops, my bad! Guess I should have read that a little closer, it did seem confusing...

anyway ignore that, I'll stick with my first answer.

edit: and I would loove to get together for ATVing/hiking/etc but I'm pretty far from most of you, I think, and as a broke student I'm not really up for travel. Not sure how much of an interest there would be in that anyway...there aren't many SPs here, though there are some Ns here who are pretty outdoorsy.