ISTPs in Romantic Relationships/Love

[grendiecat]

So little out there on this--yes, ISTPs are painfully irresistible but what makes them tick romantically--what are they really looking for in a woman and is sex really so purely physical, not so emotional for them? I'm an ENFJ (though almost an ENFP).

[htb]

Typical male ISTPs enjoy their partners' participation in their own favorite activities; assert the right to space and time alone (sequestering a private shed or attic when cohabiting); show love and affection through nonverbal, matter-of-fact gestures; and have little patience for the psychological, sociological and theoretical discussions which NFs and NTs are wont to broach.

[alcea rosea]

Originally Posted by grendiecat

So little out there on this--yes, ISTPs are painfully irresistible but what makes them tick romantically--what are they really looking for in a woman and is sex really so purely physical, not so emotional for them? I'm an ENFJ (though almost an ENFP).

Originally Posted by htb

Typical male ISTPs enjoy their partners' participation in their own favorite activities; assert the right to space and time alone (sequestering a private shed or attic when cohabiting); show love and affection through nonverbal, matter-of-fact gestures; and have little patience for the psychological, sociological and theoretical discussions which NFs and NTs are wont to broach.

I am married to one (ISTP) but I don't know if he is VERY typical example of one.
Few comments here:
- what makes ISTP's tick romantically made me . In my experience they are not the most romantic of types. They show their affection by physically demonstrating it or buying presents or doing things you would never imagine them to do and when they do those things you really see how much you are appreciated.
- I think everything is very physical in ISTP's even if they do not rush into action without thinking it first (primary Ti!)
- They can feel emotionally reticent but that doesn't meant that they wont feel anything
- discussions with ISTP's can be very interesting and they are open to discuss about most subjects that is why you can have really interesting conversations with them even in the field of psychology, sociology etc.
- I don't know about participating the favourite activity...
- They need certain level of freedom and independence and space around them so they can behave as they wish.
- They are not the ones who do things because things should be done in certain way.

[grendiecat]

Those are helpful answers--thanks to both of you. I have a bit of a crush on an ISTP, but he's recently divorced--actually a year ago--but still very much nursing those wounds. He's cool enough that I am genuinely interested in his friendship so we can go do these adrenalin sports together (I'm an ENFJ/P split). But, he's very much an "I" and may not need someone with him and I'm very much an "E" and want someone along for more fun. He's a total brainiac and that's also pretty exciting--conversation possibilities seem endless but I'm as into psychology/philosophy, etc. as I am into ATVing and other speed sports and have been concerned that he won't be up for those conversations or that I'm stressing him with those topics. He is also fairly direct in a way that has hurt my feelings (what a surprise) and it's hard not to interpret that as an indication that he doesn't really want my friendship. But he does pursue e-mailing me back and forth over the last several months (we live in separate cities). Well--enough preoccupation. They are wickedly seductive types though I would bet most have no idea that they're regarded in such a way.


I am married to one (ISTP) but I don't know if he is VERY typical example of one.
Few comments here:
- what makes ISTP's tick romantically made me . In my experience they are not the most romantic of types. They show their affection by physically demonstrating it or buying presents or doing things you would never imagine them to do and when they do those things you really see how much you are appreciated.
- I think everything is very physical in ISTP's even if they do not rush into action without thinking it first (primary Ti!)
- They can feel emotionally reticent but that doesn't meant that they wont feel anything
- discussions with ISTP's can be very interesting and they are open to discuss about most subjects that is why you can have really interesting conversations with them even in the field of psychology, sociology etc.
- I don't know about participating the favourite activity...
- They need certain level of freedom and independence and space around them so they can behave as they wish.
- They are not the ones who do things because things should be done in certain way.

[millerm277]

but what makes them tick romantically--what are they really looking for in a woman

Basically, someone who I like spending time with, and want to be around. Being at least relatively intelligent is important as well.

and is sex really so purely physical, not so emotional for them?

Possibly? Sex is unlikely to be happening before I have an attachement to someone, and as such, isn't necessarily going to be creating an emotional bond, as it already exists? However, the actual act of sex itself, is for me...probably about 90% physical, 10% emotional.

Also, I'm/we're not exactly romantic...

[htb]

Originally Posted by grendiecat

He's a total brainiac and that's also pretty exciting--conversation possibilities seem endless but I'm as into psychology/philosophy, etc. as I am into ATVing and other speed sports and have been concerned that he won't be up for those conversations or that I'm stressing him with those topics.

Yes -- they're pretty one-way. Fair warning.

But I can vouch for seductiveness of the type. A female ISTP was saying goodbyes in her last hour on the job; we spoke for the first time (her having found me intimidating), and perhaps the last, and although ISTPs and I don't jive the exchange was scintillating. Rare and fine.

[Councilor]

From a detached perspective of myself:
ISTPs function by themself as a unit, and want to function as a complete unit when someone else is involved. If there is too much discord the ISTP is better of by themself.

I hate to use the tool analogy, but there is a time, place and method for sex. It is a tool to be used as the ISTP sees fit. There may be something better to use, and there probably is. It seems unfitting when the other person wants to use the sledge, when a chisel is called for - and would be more fun.

["?"]

The Personality Page has some tidbits on types in relations, as does LIFEXPLORE which says,

When falling in love, ISTPs are very attentive to small things that might be enjoyed by their partners, surprising them with those particular gifts. They would rather show their feelings through their actions than verbalize them. They are not likely to discuss their feelings about their relationships with their partners because they believe that the experiences that they have had together will speak for their feelings. Feelings are discuss only when necessary.

When scorned, ISTPs are not likely to share hurt feelings with the external world. If the couple still has some interests in common, ISTPs may maintain the relationship with the loved one, but on a different plane. They do not give up easily on their relationships, however, unless the weight of the factual evidence convinces them to do so. When the relationship is actually over, they are usually not vindictive. They see the end of the relationship as a concrete fact about which it does little good to worry. They can therefore move on to new experiences.

[Grayscale]

Originally Posted by grendiecat

They are wickedly seductive types though I would bet most have no idea that they're regarded in such a way.

this sums it up pretty well. i really dont understand the reason behind the things others find admirable of me.

it's kinda annoying. i just dont get it and nobody seems to care to explain.

[Santtu]

Originally Posted by htb

Typical male ISTPs enjoy their partners' participation in their own favorite activities; assert the right to space and time alone (sequestering a private shed or attic when cohabiting); show love and affection through nonverbal, matter-of-fact gestures; and have little patience for the psychological, sociological and theoretical discussions which NFs and NTs are wont to broach.

I can verify the bolded parts per personal experience Well, she does have a bit of patience for theory. She doesn't exactly shrug it off.