Help from some ESFP females

Nameless · 03-13-2008, 06:43 AM

Hey.
You ESFP females are the only "type" of girl that gets tired of me after liking me for a while and moves on before the reverse happens. I'm usually the one with the short attention span. You out-me me, and it drives me nuts.

Your energy and spontaneity is a match for my own, there is and never will be anything close to a fight between us, and that in-the-moment zest for life just draws me in. Add in some my-mom-is-an-ESFP Sigmund Freud theories, and I can't get enough of you.

Anyways, my question for you guys is what are your friendship relationships like with guys that you break it off from? Like either dump from a relationship or stop dating or stop hooking up with after extended periods of that. I don't mean messy breakups, or guys who are dicks that you just don't want to talk to anymore.

This ENFP (very strong E) girl decided to move on from our regular hook-ups and hang-outs (lasted for a couple months; not quite dating, because who does that in college anymore?) seemingly super abruptly. Now, a few weeks later, once she was sure I got the hint (I got cold-shouldered for a couple weeks), I don't really get her or how she acts. She acts like we are "closer" in a lot of ways than she ever did before. For example, she likes to publicaly hint at our prior involvement out loud, in a hey-I-value-you-more-because-of-it-since-we-shared-something-special-maybe kind of way, but the last thing she would ever want to do would be to talk about it directly. She also does stuff like cooks me dinner, volunteers first for things when I need a favor (we have a handful of mutual friends), etc, which wasn't the case before.
I guess what I don't get is how less became more in a different way, if that makes and sense at all?

Also, is this typical for how ESFPs move on for these kinds of things? I am usually good at understanding people right away, but you ESFP girls are still puzzling...

Anyways, thanks, and sorry that was so long; I tried to paint a complete picture...

AfterHours · 04-05-2008, 03:03 AM

I’m not an ESFP, but my sister definitely is. She’s pretty close with most of her ex-boyfriends. She just puts her former romantic relationship aside and continues on as friends. She loves people and they are drawn to her.

When she gets tired of someone it is very sudden, but she never pushes them away. I don’t think she assigns the friendship more significance simply because they ‘maybe had something’, unless she was re-developing feelings for that person. She does worry about causing people to dislike her. Maybe your ESFP is trying to make sure you still like her as a friend after giving you the cold shoulder. Maybe she likes you again. I don't know if all ESFPs are so fickle but mine certainly is.

(I do know an ENFP who does pretty much what you described in your post with friends that she's hooked up with. She does think the relationship is more special, but if she thinks they have strong feelings for her she'll disappear for a while to let it cool off.)

I realize you posted this almost a month ago and may have figured it out by now. In case you haven’t, hope this helps.

JustDave · 04-05-2008, 03:10 AM

I'm neither a women nor an ESFP but I am an artisan.

Try bonding through shared interests as a opposed to shared values.

For example all of my friends and I bonded due to some common interests. Be it cars, boats or tools.

mooky · 04-06-2008, 06:11 PM

Sounds to me like she just wants to be friends.

I like to be friends with a few of my Ex's. Corse there is one who I cant stand, but thats another story.

Skittles · 05-07-2008, 07:55 PM

That description sounds like what I do with most of my ex's. It's because I'm with them, I realize that we won't work out, and I can't fit them into my life, now's not the right time, etc etc. but it usually takes me a loooong time of arguing with them about it before I end it abruptly. Afterwards I always leave them alone for a while, partly cause I want them to understand I meant it and that's it, partly cause I'm afraid -I- might give in again XD and because it's clean, starting over, a fresh new slate. But when I meet them again months later! It's like, if I DO fall in love with someone, it's kinda for.. forever. Feelings don't change for me just cause the situation sucks ATM. As for doing more things than I did before in the relationship, it's probably because now I can have that feeling of freedom.. and be myself.. without worrying about this and that.. which overall makes me happier around them and want to please them more ^_^

Also possibly add a guilt factor, she wants to make up for giving you the cold shoulder?

defragmybrain · 11-25-2008, 07:54 PM

Depends on the situaton, as expected.
I'm an ESFP Female who was the dumpee - and i was seriously in love with him.

First i was in denial, couldn't accept the consequences and aftermath, seduced him back into a series of hookups lasting over a YEAR (god i'm irresistable)... and now, having not seen him after three months, i'm still thinking about him.
Regardless, he doesnt want to contact me ever again and i hate it.
I like to remain on level-ground even after what's done is done.
I hate enemies.

03-13-2008, 06:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
Nameless Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Type: ENFP Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 104	Help from some ESFP females Hey. You ESFP females are the only "type" of girl that gets tired of me after liking me for a while and moves on before the reverse happens. I'm usually the one with the short attention span. You out-me me, and it drives me nuts. Your energy and spontaneity is a match for my own, there is and never will be anything close to a fight between us, and that in-the-moment zest for life just draws me in. Add in some my-mom-is-an-ESFP Sigmund Freud theories, and I can't get enough of you. Anyways, my question for you guys is what are your friendship relationships like with guys that you break it off from? Like either dump from a relationship or stop dating or stop hooking up with after extended periods of that. I don't mean messy breakups, or guys who are dicks that you just don't want to talk to anymore. This ENFP (very strong E) girl decided to move on from our regular hook-ups and hang-outs (lasted for a couple months; not quite dating, because who does that in college anymore?) seemingly super abruptly. Now, a few weeks later, once she was sure I got the hint (I got cold-shouldered for a couple weeks), I don't really get her or how she acts. She acts like we are "closer" in a lot of ways than she ever did before. For example, she likes to publicaly hint at our prior involvement out loud, in a hey-I-value-you-more-because-of-it-since-we-shared-something-special-maybe kind of way, but the last thing she would ever want to do would be to talk about it directly. She also does stuff like cooks me dinner, volunteers first for things when I need a favor (we have a handful of mutual friends), etc, which wasn't the case before. I guess what I don't get is how less became more in a different way, if that makes and sense at all? Also, is this typical for how ESFPs move on for these kinds of things? I am usually good at understanding people right away, but you ESFP girls are still puzzling... Anyways, thanks, and sorry that was so long; I tried to paint a complete picture...

04-05-2008, 03:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
AfterHours Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Type: Posts: 44	I’m not an ESFP, but my sister definitely is. She’s pretty close with most of her ex-boyfriends. She just puts her former romantic relationship aside and continues on as friends. She loves people and they are drawn to her. When she gets tired of someone it is very sudden, but she never pushes them away. I don’t think she assigns the friendship more significance simply because they ‘maybe had something’, unless she was re-developing feelings for that person. She does worry about causing people to dislike her. Maybe your ESFP is trying to make sure you still like her as a friend after giving you the cold shoulder. Maybe she likes you again. I don't know if all ESFPs are so fickle but mine certainly is. (I do know an ENFP who does pretty much what you described in your post with friends that she's hooked up with. She does think the relationship is more special, but if she thinks they have strong feelings for her she'll disappear for a while to let it cool off.) I realize you posted this almost a month ago and may have figured it out by now. In case you haven’t, hope this helps. __________________ Last edited by AfterHours; 04-05-2008 at 03:14 AM. Reason: It didn't post all of it.

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04-05-2008, 03:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
JustDave Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Type: xNTP Location: NY Posts: 1,033	I'm neither a women nor an ESFP but I am an artisan. Try bonding through shared interests as a opposed to shared values. For example all of my friends and I bonded due to some common interests. Be it cars, boats or tools.

04-06-2008, 06:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
mooky Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Type: Posts: 120	Sounds to me like she just wants to be friends. I like to be friends with a few of my Ex's. Corse there is one who I cant stand, but thats another story.

05-07-2008, 07:55 PM	#5 (permalink)
Skittles Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Type: ExFP Posts: 12	That description sounds like what I do with most of my ex's. It's because I'm with them, I realize that we won't work out, and I can't fit them into my life, now's not the right time, etc etc. but it usually takes me a loooong time of arguing with them about it before I end it abruptly. Afterwards I always leave them alone for a while, partly cause I want them to understand I meant it and that's it, partly cause I'm afraid -I- might give in again XD and because it's clean, starting over, a fresh new slate. But when I meet them again months later! It's like, if I DO fall in love with someone, it's kinda for.. forever. Feelings don't change for me just cause the situation sucks ATM. As for doing more things than I did before in the relationship, it's probably because now I can have that feeling of freedom.. and be myself.. without worrying about this and that.. which overall makes me happier around them and want to please them more ^_^ Also possibly add a guilt factor, she wants to make up for giving you the cold shoulder?

11-25-2008, 07:54 PM	#6 (permalink)
defragmybrain Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Type: ESFP Location: Bay Area, California Posts: 211	Depends on the situaton, as expected. I'm an ESFP Female who was the dumpee - and i was seriously in love with him. First i was in denial, couldn't accept the consequences and aftermath, seduced him back into a series of hookups lasting over a YEAR (god i'm irresistable)... and now, having not seen him after three months, i'm still thinking about him. Regardless, he doesnt want to contact me ever again and i hate it. I like to remain on level-ground even after what's done is done. I hate enemies.