Married to an ISTP and need help!

[CestMoi]

Well, we are actually in a long-distance relationship and have been married for just over a year (working on immigration to Canada - long story). Anyway, we had a period of time of 2.5 months where we did not talk due to a miscommunication.

I went up to see him last week and we had a great time. However, his communication has been very guarded. Can anyone shed some insight? I feel like he doesn't trust me right now - just so you know, the miscommunication fault was due to both of us.

[digesthisickness]

Originally Posted by CestMoi

Well, we are actually in a long-distance relationship and have been married for just over a year (working on immigration to Canada - long story). Anyway, we had a period of time of 2.5 months where we did not talk due to a miscommunication.

I went up to see him last week and we had a great time. However, his communication has been very guarded. Can anyone shed some insight? I feel like he doesn't trust me right now - just so you know, the miscommunication fault was due to both of us.

ask him.

[CestMoi]

I've tried that, obviously (I AM an ENFP, after all) and assume you're being sarcastic? He says every thing's fine but it doesn't feel like it. Emails are guarded with niceties at the very end but vaguely general in the body.

What I'm looking for is insight about how an ISTP might be thinking/feeling after a period of separation - in other words, we almost broke up then got back together. Things were great in person but the communication remains distant.

Does that clarify things?

[MacGuffin]

Tell him how you feel. Then sex him up. And one more time for good measure.

Then ask.

[CestMoi]

LOL, Mac. A little tough to do long distance but maybe I can make use of the web cam.

[MacGuffin]

Originally Posted by CestMoi

LOL, Mac. A little tough to do long distance but maybe I can make use of the web cam.

You may have to wait until the next time you see him.

[FDG]

End the long distance, that's all it takes.

[INTJMom]

Originally Posted by CestMoi

Well, we are actually in a long-distance relationship and have been married for just over a year (working on immigration to Canada - long story). Anyway, we had a period of time of 2.5 months where we did not talk due to a miscommunication.

I went up to see him last week and we had a great time. However, his communication has been very guarded. Can anyone shed some insight? I feel like he doesn't trust me right now - just so you know, the miscommunication fault was due to both of us.

I have 2 ISTP males in my life. They don't talk much and tend to clam up and want to be left alone when they're upset.

Do you know about shadows? That's when we act opposite of our type in negative ways?
This site describes that-

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness,

the ISTP's shadow may appear - a negative form of ENFJ.

Example characteristics are:

• displaying intense feelings towards others, or insisting on things being done without any logical basis
• being very sensitive to criticism
• having a gloomy view of the future
• attributing unrealistic negative meaning to others actions or statements

ISTP Personality Type

[digesthisickness]

Originally Posted by CestMoi

I've tried that, obviously (I AM an ENFP, after all) and assume you're being sarcastic? He says every thing's fine but it doesn't feel like it. Emails are guarded with niceties at the very end but vaguely general in the body.

What I'm looking for is insight about how an ISTP might be thinking/feeling after a period of separation - in other words, we almost broke up then got back together. Things were great in person but the communication remains distant.

Does that clarify things?

i wasn't being sarcastic. sarcastic would be, "well, thank god you came to an internet forum instead of talking to him." see?

and yeah, it does clarify. which is good, because going by the OP, i was starting to suspect you were the reason for the communication problem.

so far though, there really is no reason why we would know anymore about why he's acting that way than you would. no matter what his type is.

all i can really say is that if i were in your shoes, i'd think he was cheating. maybe not physically, but in some form. .. maybe just thinking about it.

[heart]

I have an ISTP relative who was separated from his wife (ISFJ) and gosh he was rude and hateful to her at times and then distant and heartbreaking polite he would not square with her about how he was feeling, but on the phone with me or my husband he would admit he loved her and wanted to work things out but he didn't think they could work things out because of their situation and personality. He would get really fatalistic as a default. They are both stubborn to a fault and spend vast amounts of energy putting the blame on the other person. (I was put into the position of being intermediary by request of both of them which was uncomfortable as hell, not sure I would ever do that again.) They eventually got back together (not sure how much of a blessing that was for either one). Not really sure if this input helps you or not though.

Mac is right, it was after a weekend of her sexing him ( I suggested to her to get herself all fixed up seductive like and quit holding out, lol) up that he cracked with her and finally told her the whole mess of what was going on and it was a mess. What a nightmare of TMI the whole thing was.