He did benefit me, but I guess I had trouble showing him that I wasn't validating my emotional attachment. Was it wrong for me to call him out on a past relationship when those things hadn't happened with us (yet) ?
I broke it off with my ISTP a few days ago. His ex contacted me and forwarded me a few emails that he had been sending to her. They were friendly emails to "catch up," but she claimed that he had done this with his ex while dating her also. She said it was his way of getting close to her which is completely unacceptable because he was in a relationship. Then, she took the time to convince me on the phone that he had treated her horribly the one year that they were together.
I confronted the ISTP, and believed him when he said that they were just friendly emails. I even saw them myself and there was nothing wrong. However, being the ENFJ that I am, I overreacted and started questioning his past relationship. I tried to be understanding but I lost it when he said that his ex and I are eerily similar and that he didn't feel any different this time around. In other words, I would go through the same thing because he doesn't change for anyone.
Problem is that I had changed for him, I became more accepting of his habits which included disappearing for a few days to be by himself. I made his shortcomings work for me. To this, he answered that I was overlooking his flaws and this gave him the idea that he could do "whatever the fuck I wanted." He said he was looking for someone who would threaten to leave him if he ever fucked something up. Is something that all ISTPs look for in relationships?
....In other words, someone who will look out for their own needs and keep the ISTP in check with notification that their behavior is undesirable?
He did benefit me, but I guess I had trouble showing him that I wasn't validating my emotional attachment. Was it wrong for me to call him out on a past relationship when those things hadn't happened with us (yet) ?
I broke it off with my ISTP a few days ago. His ex contacted me and forwarded me a few emails that he had been sending to her. They were friendly emails to "catch up," but she claimed that he had done this with his ex while dating her also. She said it was his way of getting close to her which is completely unacceptable because he was in a relationship. Then, she took the time to convince me on the phone that he had treated her horribly the one year that they were together.
I confronted the ISTP, and believed him when he said that they were just friendly emails. I even saw them myself and there was nothing wrong. However, being the ENFJ that I am, I overreacted and started questioning his past relationship. I tried to be understanding but I lost it when he said that his ex and I are eerily similar and that he didn't feel any different this time around. In other words, I would go through the same thing because he doesn't change for anyone.
Problem is that I had changed for him, I became more accepting of his habits which included disappearing for a few days to be by himself. I made his shortcomings work for me. To this, he answered that I was overlooking his flaws and this gave him the idea that he could do "whatever the fuck I wanted." He said he was looking for someone who would threaten to leave him if he ever fucked something up.
Is something that all ISTPs look for in relationships?
I prefer it very much if people tell me what I'm doing wrong or if something I'm doing is bothering them. I seriously may never know otherwise. The more calmly I'm confronted about it, the more favorably I respond. Although I respond as well as I can no matter what, I just might be a little more stressed out if I'm attacked with a flurry of emotions.
But yeah, I don't tolerate threats well. At all. It flicks on my stubborn switch. And I'm not proud to say I've damaged relationships further by just up and walking away without looking back when I'm threatened past a certain point.
I don't understand this. What are you, his mother? Why do you have to be his conscious?
Apparently I'm the only one who can't understand the post (orig. by lalangela).
Nobody answered my question as to whether my assumption of what you're (lalangela) asking is correct.
And I don't even understand what you did or said to this guy or how it involved his past girlfriend.
I broke it off with my ISTP a few days ago. His ex contacted me and forwarded me a few emails that he had been sending to her. They were friendly emails to "catch up," but she claimed that he had done this with his ex while dating her also. She said it was his way of getting close to her which is completely unacceptable because he was in a relationship. Then, she took the time to convince me on the phone that he had treated her horribly the one year that they were together.
I confronted the ISTP, and believed him when he said that they were just friendly emails. I even saw them myself and there was nothing wrong. However, being the ENFJ that I am, I overreacted and started questioning his past relationship. I tried to be understanding but I lost it when he said that his ex and I are eerily similar and that he didn't feel any different this time around. In other words, I would go through the same thing because he doesn't change for anyone.
Problem is that I had changed for him, I became more accepting of his habits which included disappearing for a few days to be by himself. I made his shortcomings work for me. To this, he answered that I was overlooking his flaws and this gave him the idea that he could do "whatever the fuck I wanted." He said he was looking for someone who would threaten to leave him if he ever fucked something up.
Is something that all ISTPs look for in relationships?
Alright, there are a few things that need to be clarified.
I was dating the ISTP because he wanted a "second chance" after we got off to a bad start in January. He said he wanted to change which entailed being more open and telling me what he was thinking so I didn't have to assume. He did this for about two weeks and then settled on a certain level of openness. He would be around for a few days, open and giving, and then disappear for a few days. I made this work for me. At first, I was a little annoyed by it but then I realized that this distance allows for anticipation and experiences to tell each other about. I was happy. I've never needed particular closeness from a significant other, in fact, I resent being attached all the time.
I wasn't angry that he was emailing his ex-girlfriend. I believed him when he said it was only catching up. However, I wasn't going to hide the fact that I had been talking to ex-girlfriend on the phone for an hour. I told him what she was trying to convince me of. I was expecting some sort of denial and proof that things weren't and wouldn't be the same for us. Instead, I got an accusation that I was eerily similar to his ex-girlfriend and that there was no promise that I wouldn't go through the same things she was so hurt by. As an ISTP, he puts everything bluntly so he said "I don't feel any different."
You could said I had been brainwashed by his ex-girlfriend's words because she told me things like "your boyfriend should make you feel like his number one, his everything." Coupled with how my bf was while they were dating and how well she's treated by her current bf, I got lost in my own thoughts of a fairy tale relationship.
This is when I overreacted.
I know from reading these threads and observing him that he would not respond well to a girlfriend who put their relationship on the line constantly.
If it helps, I can tell you that he's an insecure, stubborn ISTP who admits he's struggled with a low self esteem most of his life. However, I'll never understand where all this indecisiveness comes from.
Yeah. Don't bring up accusations like that when things haven't even happened yet. Actions speak a lot louder than words.
Yeah. Don't bring up accusations like that when things haven't even happened yet. Actions speak a lot louder than words.