ISTPs need relationships too!

[kendoiwan]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

Yes, I didn't want to pry, and thankfully he took initiative and explained it to me (which I also realize wouldn't have happened voluntarily if he didn't care about me in the equation) and I was glad to know what was going on, but I think maybe he felt like since it was his choice to go that it would be an imposition to ask to stay in touch? I told him he wasn't disappearing on me (something I can't tolerate without deep strain) so I told him where I'd be. Absence isn't wanted, but I can tolerate it if I know where you are.

Whatever the motivation, I told him he couldn't ghost on me. I hope that was enough.

I would suggest you reiterate it just to be clear. I know when I'm leaving a place behind I don't maintain a link unless I'm sure it's wanted. I don't like the notion of someone putting their life on hold waiting for me, especially if I'm not planning on coming back any time soon. Especially because I wouldn't want it done to me. But if you have the intention of coming to see him where he's at, I'm sure it's something he'd be open to...

[millerm277]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

what makes an STP capable of cutting off contact with a person they care about in such a fashion? I would find it truly painful and even impossible in certain situations.

Maybe a bit of realism? "I'm not going to be able to see this person again/whatever, so why keep pretending I can?" He doesn't necessarily find it not painful, he just thinks it's necessary.

[Domino]

Originally Posted by kendoiwan

I would suggest you reiterate it just to be clear. I know when I'm leaving a place behind I don't maintain a link unless I'm sure it's wanted.

I considered that as being a point of concern, so I really underlined the whole "you disappear and I'll kill you with my precise angry ninja thoughts" thing. I've left the ball in his court. It was a nice ball.

I don't like the notion of someone putting their life on hold waiting for me, especially if I'm not planning on coming back any time soon. Especially because I wouldn't want it done to me. But if you have the intention of coming to see him where he's at, I'm sure it's something he'd be open to...

We were very tight. Perhaps too tight. I can't imagine him just saying "Well, that's all, kids! BYE!"

Originally Posted by millerm277

Maybe a bit of realism? "I'm not going to be able to see this person again/whatever, so why keep pretending I can?" He doesn't necessarily find it not painful, he just thinks it's necessary.

How do you go about cutting yourself off from something/someplace/person you've gotten very attached to? What does it do to you psychically?

[kendoiwan]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

I considered that as being a point of concern, so I really underlined the whole "you disappear and I'll kill you with my precise angry ninja thoughts" thing. I've left the ball in his court. It was a nice ball.



We were very tight. Perhaps too tight. I can't imagine him just saying "Well, that's all, kids! BYE!"



How do you go about cutting yourself off from something/someplace/person you've gotten very attached to? What does it do to you psychically?

Err, if he's anything like me, once he's made up his mind (and I'm quite sure he spent some time grappling with the choice of to stay or go) the consequences of that are just that. What must be done must be. So in short, yeah "Well that's all, kids! BYE!" Is a very real option. What else is to be done? Make it a dramatic episode to prove how tough it's gonna be? Nope. It is what it is, and will be what it will be.

+ " kiss me and smile for me" via YouTube

[millerm277]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

How do you go about cutting yourself off from something/someplace/person you've gotten very attached to?

Honestly, it's really hard for me to, and hard on me. (A lot of agonizing over if I should or not, and a little bit of regret after doing it). However, I HATE dragging things out. If I feel I need to, I'm direct and have a desire to get it over with quickly, like your friend seemed to have.

EDIT: Agreed with kendoiwan as well.

[Domino]

Well. That's depressing.

I guess I just wish I wasn't collateral damage.

[kendoiwan]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

Well. That's depressing.

I guess I just wish I wasn't collateral damage.

Again, if it's within your means to visit him where he's at, or if your willing to take up the mantle of keeping in touch, your cause is not a lost one in the least.

[Chimerical]

most likely this've been stated, but textbook says you take any type and reverse all the letters for a decent match [in your case ENFJ], and reverse all but the 2nd letter for an even better match [ESFJ].

When you have the opposite they're good at all that you're not and vice versa so whenever someone's having trouble or fucking something up it just so happens it's the other persons area of expertise. And you sociologically finish each other sentences.

The closer you are to being XXXX the more attractive you are [well, the more you develope each function anyway (cause you can have an XXXX that's balanced but still hasn't developed and matured their mental functions)] but the less likely you'll find others attractive because they'll have little to offer.

If S equals Same and D equals Different than DSDD is most attractive because you collect information the same way so you can see eye to eye on how you're "seeing" what you're seeing, but you process it differently so you'll get a different result [nearly opposite], but put it in words the other can understand.

[runvardh]

Originally Posted by Winz

It has potential to be a disaster. But you never know, right?

I've seen potential for disaster in any parring for myself so I've stopped worrying about the fact that disaster is possible and worry about the actual problems as they come. (I hurt my head once trying to think of all the possible problems >< )

[Grayscale]

Originally Posted by PinkPiranha

An ISTP guy I've been friends with for many years is parting ways (not with me, just moving along due to circumstances). He dropped me a line to let me know. I realize he wouldn't have bothered to say anything if he didn't care, but it left me saying, "What do you mean 'I'm leaving'? It's not okay for you to just drop out of my life forever." I told him where he can reach me, of course, but I started wondering what makes an STP capable of cutting off contact with a person they care about in such a fashion? I would find it truly painful and even impossible in certain situations.

i wont get into MBTI, but to speak personally, giving up on something is very difficult for me. in the face of difficult emotions like that, i often find myself relying on rationality... if he knew he needed to leave, keeping it short will agree with this.

my family moved a lot as a kid. on several occasions, i had to leave everyone i knew behind. it was never hard to muster up a smile and wave to family acquaintances, but when i had to leave behind a close friend, our departure was often along the lines of "cya". this is also what i told my friend of nearly a decade when he moved to another state.

i feel as if many of the people i know rely on me to always remain balanced and composed... if anything, the brevity should indicate how much you meant to him.