In lieu of a video, I will note that when I first meet people, I struggle to put expression in my face & voice & can seem very reserved & perhaps detached. As I "warm up", I can have bursts, sometimes lasting awhile, where I am very animated. When I am excited, I wave my arms around, my face is very expressive, I lean in too close (I feel people pull back sometimes) and I can get too loud. I'm not silly with people until I feel close to them.
How did you get into typology? What interested you about psychology?
I found a book my sister had on MBTI. I have always been fascinated with anything about personality. I've always felt kind of alienated from others, so the idea that some system could "get" me & peg me as a "type" was intriguing. I generally am interested in human nature & the human mind, and this gives me a framework to discuss it in. I already naturally picked up on these patterns in people, so this has just provided me a vocabulary for it or helped me flesh out exactly what I was seeing. I love theories in general, but especially ones about human nature & relationships.
FYI, I don't like socionics much... I like Jungian theory & find MBTI to stay truer to it while building on it. I have a had a hard time finding any fit for me in socionics.
What do you do for a living?
Currently I do freelance graphic design for web & marketing.
What do you do for a college degree?
Do you like your job?
Sometimes. It's not what I thought it would be. It's not as creative & I'm mostly doing what others want. I figured it was better than most other jobs. I like working from home now, but struggle to give myself any schedule, to focus when it's time to work, etc. Right now, I have more freedom to explore ideas & come up with my own projects , etc, so that is better than when I was churning out print ads.
Is there something you'd prefer to be doing?
I've never wanted a career. Growing up, I just wanted to be an artist and/or poet, but I knew that wasn't a "job".
I guess I'd like to have the freedom to create what I want, how I want, when I want, were I want, but I do recognize I often need a box to break out of. When left too much to my own devices, I will fritter time away in fantasy & reading. I guess ideally I'd love to have no secular job (but somehow make money), do the volunteer work I do already, have some external motivation to do my own art, and be free to travel & explore other things as they arise. My volunteer work is very important to me; right now that's my focus over job or creative expression. I do a kind of spiritual mentoring and bridging across cultures, as well as practical stuff that helps people. I do this through a religion. I'm learning a new language & hoping to go off to another country someday.
I think I touched on it above... I don't like the creative restrictions a job gives you. I hate 9-5 schedules & routine work. I don't like how "making money" takes precedence, although I logically grasp WHY. I just don't like devoting my life to making a living. It's a necessary evil for me. But I solve that by not needing too much & working as little as I can, while making myself as valuable as I can so I don't have to live in poverty. I like luxury, but not the effort to get it & maintenance involved.
What are you like when doing your job? Are you much different at home?
Well, I work at home now, but I did used to work in an office. At home, I am more personal & can be silly. I tend to compartmentalize my life. But my demeanor at work is quiet, aloof, & focused. I don't chit chat or care to befriend co-workers. I tend to deal with bosses as equals. I assume freedom unless given boundaries & then I may test those. I'm an independent worker. Goofing off is a part of my process. I struggle with any task work & with dry, factual details. I don't work linearly. In that respect, I am the same at home, just more willing to show an emotional side. But I am moody & sensitive to criticism of my work in any arena.
What aspects of your life are you especially good with?
- I am good at seeing where there is potential for change towards an ideal. I love change. I adapt pretty quickly to change. I'm creative & good at finding novel solutions & have an artistic sense of aesthetics. I'm good at making things beautiful & interesting. I'm very imaginative.
- I am good at giving personal advice, even in areas I have little first-hand experience in. I am good at helping people identify how they feel, why that is, & what may be a good solution for them. I'm good at understanding, even when someone struggles to explain. I am a friend that friends can count on for emotional support. I am not a fair-weather friend. I will take a phone call in the middle of work from a distressed friend; I don't find it a "downer or bothersome. I understand people on an individual, emotional level better than a social one, if that makes sense. I have a good grasp of human nature. I have a good sense of what is the ethical & moral choice.
- I am good at maintaining integrity. If I really believe whole-heartedly in something, then temptations & obstacles become rather easy for me to get past. I'd like to think I am more consistent than average when it comes to living according to my bigger ideals, even if I fail at minor day to day stuff (ie. being late all the time).
- I am good at knowing who I am & what suits me. I may not always act in line with it perfectly, but I am comfortable with examining myself closely & honestly. I introspect, meditate and reflect easily.
What do you feel that you are especially bad at?
- Time management. I am late a lot & struggle to have order in my life. I feel like my brain frequently goes off to an alternate universe which is on another timeline & when I return I have the worst jet lag ever. The very concept of time mystifies me; it's like my internal clock is on some other system, perhaps one of "significance" instead of movements of heavenly bodies. I slip into fantasy habitually. It feels like an addiction too.
- Expressing anything which could leave me vulnerable. I tend to speak of feelings in retrospect, after they've been made sense of & I can place them in a picture that is not at odds with "who I am". In the middle of it, I want to withdraw & find the idea of people knowing exactly what's going on to be humiliating. When younger, I was accused of being cold because of this. I am better at expressing positive feeling now though, but people still find me aloof at first.
- Task work. I zone out during it, get overwhelmed & don't know where to start, and have trouble defining steps. I'm generally not an organized person & don't note dry details much (I'm a very bad proof-reader).
- Mood control. I indulge moods a lot. Won't do stuff if not in the mood. This makes my time management problem & difficulty with organizing & focusing on tasks even worse. In social situations, I can sabotage myself because I won't push through a mood. I can really like someone & just ignore them because I can't summon the desire to converse when not in the mood. Only a few close to (& the internet!) known I struggle with what I call "melancholy" as it's not clinical depression. I tend to wall myself off when in a dark mood, but this leads to isolating myself too much.
- Socializing. I struggle with shyness that is not fear-based so much as shame-based. I feel like people don't/won't like me & I don't want to burden them with ME. I admit I find a lot of social protocol silly & tiring & also struggle to be engaged with chit-chat. It's easier for me to make friends now, but I still find dating hard. One of my biggest insecurities in life is NOT being "likable" or "lovable". Deep down, I'll feel "ugly on the inside" and will avoid people to do them a favor. I'm also just socially stupid in some ways & "flirtarded"
- Logistics in general. I don't set specific goals & have an A-Z strategy. I have a general concept & explore stuff & see what seems to be working, then refine it as I go. This can make me look "lost" in life, I think. I am getting better at baby steps & having more specific objectives. I find planning VERY energy intensive, but I can do well if I have to do it, mainly because I am good at finding novel solutions. I may not only be oblivious to the "usual route" but I may try something new on purpose, and this is obviously more draining.
- I also get literally lost in that I don't navigate the physical world well. When younger, fast-paced sports scared me. I still get overwhelmed with stuff like that.
What have you done to draw admiration or criticism from others?
Admiration - people like stuff I create. I drew cartoons as a kid & wrote stories & people liked them a lot. I have a personal sense of style in my dress that gets admiration almost daily. I'm a quick learner, bookish, & always did well academically & people generally regard me as smart. I've always been pretty independent & self-motivated, even as I feel disorganized & unfocused at times, and so people seem to admire that I do stuff on my own terms & it works pretty well. My friends have told me they think I am "wise" or "insightful". My family notes I am very devoted to whatever I decide is important.
Criticism - The #1 criticism in my life is being "cold", which I am not, but I am not open with my feelings. I got accused of being indifferent or hostile from my family as a kid. As an adult, people may assume I am snobby & unfriendly at first. I am better with showing positive emotion now though.
- Being temperamental, ornery, making family walk on eggshells - this shows they know I am passionate, fiery but not warm if that makes sense. Strangers find me more even-tempered though, but some moodiness leaks out.
- My time management problem. People are always on my back about being late. I feel constant guilt over it.
- Most people like my clothing, but I've had some criticisms when they though it too avant-garde or skirt is too short, etc.
What sort of environment would you feel most at home in? Describe its atmosphere and surroundings, its inhabitants, the conversations or lack thereof, the philosophy of this ideal environment.
Hm.... Physically, I like a beautiful environment, something close to other interesting things & conveniences. I live in a small apartment in a downtown area that's walkable, which suits me. I like to be on the fringe of hustle & bustle - I tend to isolate myself & alienated, so somehow being in proximity to "life" makes me feel more connected. Ugliness or drabness depresses me; my mood is very affected by atmosphere even if I don't hone in on details. I idealize a clean, orderly space, but struggle to maintain it. When I have the means & time, I make my environment aesthetically interesting & vibrant. I don't like clutter. I like everything beautiful AND functional. I like refinement, elegance, luxury, but not too much STUFF to maintain. I idealize being semi-nomadic with a small home base somewhere.
Mood-wise, I like things leisurely, with very loose structure & lots of flexibility. I don't like being micro-managed or measuring things in units of time or money or any unit at all. I like to collaborate with people here & there & then have my own time/space to do my own thing. I need a lot of autonomy. I like variety & novelty in experiences & projects (as repetition & schedules kill me), but not so much in people. I get pretty comfortable with the same few people. I can get very attached to someone & enjoy an intense closeness without much interaction with others outside the relationship. This might look clingy or obsessive; I bemoan more people don't want this. I want to get to know someone inside-out. Perhaps a contradiction to what I write below, but loyalty & sureness in relationships is important to me. I like long-lasting, deep, robust connections with people.
I hate stagnation or slow moving decisions or processes. I don't have much desire for stability & security seems like some silly mythical creature other people actually believe in.
Emotionally, I like passion & intensity, but also peace, if that makes sense. I want to be able to banter & debate & know it's all in good fun, and no one crosses lines of respect. I like to really go indepth into discussions & be able to disagree & play devil's advocate & not avoid controversy. I won't tolerate degrading people though. I think there should always be respect & mature attitudes.
If there is negative emotional/personal drama, then I feel agitated & seek to escape. I can't be in an environment where people guilt, shame or blame. I am VERY sensitive to being emotionally manipulated. I'd rather have it all out than there be an elephant in the room though. I prefer raw expression that is honest & cuts to the heart of the matter to veiled, "appropriate" expression which is manipulative & leaves you talking on several levels at once. I like to allow other people that too - let's not pretend we feel something we don't. I don't like too quiet voices or slow talking, which makes me impatient.
I like to allow others to be themselves & for them to let me be me. I like when different strengths & abilities are utilized & appreciated in people; I don't like competition. I like to have muses in my life - instead of deadlines, money, obligations, etc, I'd rather be motivated in this way.
I like to interact one-on-one or in very small groups. I don't like large crowds, unless I am an "observer" on the fringe.
I wish people would interact more imaginatively as adults, like you do as kids. Finding a way to make-believe more would suit me.
I'm sure that's more than enough....