Are you SLE?
Every IEI I've "dated" only lasted a few weeks or so because my life wasn't in order and I tend to push people away when I'm not able to take care of myself, despite how much they want to "support" me.
IEI's put up a big test they want you to pass. It usually comes in the form of hard to get in such a way that it will take a tremendous amount of effort to accomplish. Its like putting $20,000 on the top of a mountain and telling you to "come and get it if you can!" But they also tend to do this throughout the relationship, which is something I really like. When they are healthy they won't always be there for you every second you need to be coddled. They can pick me up, dust me off and send me back out into the world. Sort of a power behind the throne thing.
They also like to stirr shit up and create drama. I like chaos, so it works out well for me.
Usually problems occur when their lifestyle is too passive, and they don't do anything to control the direction their life takes. These IEI's are usually very uninteresting to me.
I've learned that enneagram and instinctual variant plays a HUGE role in who I find attractive. I'm one of the most intense flavors of SLE, so I search for the most intense flavor of IEI as well. I've found that I often bring out their fighting side, and they bring out my compassionate side. I find some of them to be paralyzingly adorable, and I can't help but feel warm and fuzzy looking at them. But this is only something I can really do for a short period of time, and the two of us eventually start to reach equillibrium.
Here are a couple of videos that show off their more dominant-yet-submissive characteristics, IEI's claire forlani and fiona apple. I suspect claire forlani is a 4 and fiona is a 6.