ESFJ Mannerisms?

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

There is a thread here about how INTJ and ESFJ get along... and I recently, for the first time in my life, ended a friendship because I could not stand to hang around this person any more.

I believe he was an ESFJ, and we never, EVER were on the same brain-wave.

I don't think I've met any other ESFJs, but would an INTJ interpret their actions as the things below?

He hated my 'lack of style' and how I 'presented myself ' to the world. (Jeans and T-Shirts are my normal attire) I eventually had to tell him that if he ever said one more thing about my appearance, our friendship was over. He *mostly* quit making comments, but would slip things in now and then.

He was constantly upset when I didn't call him all the time... I would literally have 10 calls on my phone in a day from him, even after we'd been friends for about 3 years. He did this to girls he dated as well... and they didn't usually hang around too long. I tried explaining to him that I am just NOT a person who wants to talk on the phone every, single day, but he always took it personally and was offended.

He was EXTREMELY judgemental of anyone he thought was inferior to his intelligence, and voiced it loudly wherever he went. People who didn't agree with his opinions were only those who hadn't thought it through enough, because if they had, they would have surely reached the same conclusion that he did.

He was an avid writer, constantly talking about this book he was writing (which I read parts of for him a few times) but never really motivated to finish it. If he was in a bad mood, he simply couldn't write, because his stories would end up way off track with terrible things happening to characters that he needed :P

He always remembered my birthday... but in the three years that I knew him, he never had one...

More than once, he told me that his 'strong sense of morals' had left him with a crap hand, and considered it almost a horrible affliction that he'd been given to 'do the right thing' when no one else seemed to be trying to do the same. He would be extremely depressed about this.



After a few years of his crazy, one minute elated, the next minute depressed, why-can't-you-see-you're-wrong, why don't you care more about X... I finally blew up and told him to quit calling me. It got to where every conversation we had was like a moral attack on each other.

I really don't know where the line is of how much was interpreted by my own personality clashing with his, and how much of it was him just being damned crazy.

[pure_mercury]

Sounds like the problem is his being a complete jerk, not an ESFJ. I do identify with the strong morals part, though. It can be very painful to have high personal standards that you feel compelled to meet at all times. I often feel that I would be "being a hypocrite" if I did the more convenient thing in a tough situation, given that I always counsel people to do what is right.

Also, I am sure his explanation of the situation would be a lot different. Assuming the specific instances you cited were true, though, he seems rather immature and kind of a jerk.

[Giggly]

Interestingly enough, I know someone who acts the exact same way you described in your post and I had the same problem with them and they tested INTJ, so I'd have to agree with pure_mercury in that it doesn't sound like a type thing, just a jerk thing.

[OctaviaCaesar]

Two friends of the family are (female) ESFJs. I have noticed that they do believe that their way is THE WAY, but they've never tried to force their opinions on me. They are very cheerful, sociable and charitable most of the time.

[pure_mercury]

In a previous thread, someone suggested that the Yes Guy from The Simpsons was an ESFJ, and that all ESFJs say, "Yeeeeeeeeeesss?" I do that sometimes.