How to be a better SJ?

[dnivera]

How do you become a healthier SJ? Just by reading these posts recently I've discovered those nitpicky stereotypical things that other types don't like about SJs...too task-oriented, tend to micromanage, too focused, etc, and I've tried to be more laid-back and less controlling. But I don't really feel like "myself" when I do that!

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by dnivera

How do you become a healthier SJ? Just by reading these posts recently I've discovered those nitpicky stereotypical things that other types don't like about SJs...too task-oriented, tend to micromanage, too focused, etc, and I've tried to be more laid-back and less controlling. But I don't really feel like "myself" when I do that!

Hang out with a hardcore NTP.

Interesting that you don't feel like yourself. Maybe it's because you've come to identify with your type too much. In my book, type is impermanent and fluctuates according to one's environment and inner composition. On the other hand, maybe controlling is the way you minimize anxiety, and surrendering control provokes that anxiety that something will go wrong. If that's the case, then just practice letting go. If your mind starts to freak out and turn on itself, just be cool with that and know that it's expected and part of the process and that the anxiety or discomfort will pass. That'd by my advice.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by dnivera

How do you become a healthier SJ? Just by reading these posts recently I've discovered those nitpicky stereotypical things that other types don't like about SJs...too task-oriented, tend to micromanage, too focused, etc, and I've tried to be more laid-back and less controlling. But I don't really feel like "myself" when I do that!

You won't feel like "yourself." No one does, when they change.

So my first advice is be patient. If you change too quick, you won't 'know' yourself and will feel weird like you do now.

ESJs have a Ti/Fi inferior. They need to learn to back off and learn to make decisions either by determining and applying what something is (ESFJ, using Ti) or what it personally means to them (ESTJ, using Fi).

ISJs have an Ne inferior. Their problems usually revolve around becoming paranoid of what could happen if they don't plan well; they see lots of threat in the environment.

One thing that helps is having friends who are GOOD at those functions and getting their advice so you can recalibrate. For ISFJs and ISTJs developing Ne, trying to brainstorm and/or try new things in a "safe" environment will give them confidence when there is more risk involved.

Don't feel ashamed of your strengths. You ARE task-oriented, can manage and organize well, are focused. Some people can't do that. You are just looking for ways to ease up and enjoy yourself more.

Schedule time to "play" where you can... where there is no task to do. Take an art class or teach yourself to paint. Go for long walks and just observe nature. Try to play a song "by ear" if you are musical. Set aside $5 (or a specific amount) and go play video games at an arcade. Use your organization abilities to "plan" fun time for yourself, and when you are there, do not work; force yourself to play and not think about the clock. Go lay out in the sun with your shades and read a book.

Watch silly movies/shows and don't make fun of them or worry about the appropriateness, just let yourself laugh. Let yourself be surprised. (Part of humor is being surprised.)

Think about something a friend said and try to imagine why they might have said it, beyond the obvious. You don't need proof, just imagine every possibility you can and list them. Do this with various things, you are trying to stretch the imagination, not have the "right answer" per se. Then check with them to see how close you were.

Is this helping?

[Athenian200]

Originally Posted by dnivera

How do you become a healthier SJ? Just by reading these posts recently I've discovered those nitpicky stereotypical things that other types don't like about SJs...too task-oriented, tend to micromanage, too focused, etc, and I've tried to be more laid-back and less controlling. But I don't really feel like "myself" when I do that!

You really should ignore them... they're hypocrites. Just focus on being yourself.

They demand that SJ's stop telling them what to do, and then complain that they want SJ's to do things their way because they think it's better.

Don't listen to them, you'd be nothing but a slave if most of these people who continually find fault with SJ's had their way.

I suppose what I'd advise is to try not to be too controlling of others if you can avoid it (that's what actually provokes most people who are bothered by them), but conduct yourself, your work, etc. how you personally feel comfortable, even if it's somewhat focused/micromanaging. Don't try to force change where it's not needed, only consider it where you actually feel that it is needed.

[MacGuffin]

Originally Posted by dnivera

How do you become a healthier SJ? Just by reading these posts recently I've discovered those nitpicky stereotypical things that other types don't like about SJs...too task-oriented, tend to micromanage, too focused, etc, and I've tried to be more laid-back and less controlling. But I don't really feel like "myself" when I do that!

You can't be what you aren't, but if you lighten up a bit and have a sense of humor about things that will help.

Originally Posted by Edahn

Hang out with a hardcore NTP.

Yeah I broke mine. She's messier than me sometimes!

[Edahn]

Originally Posted by MacGuffin

Yeah I broke mine.

Is it too late to return her? What's the return policy on INTPs?

[MacGuffin]

Originally Posted by Edahn

Is it too late to return her? What's the return policy on INTPs?

We're too rare to trade in for a newer model. Upgrades are a bitch.

[proteanmix]

Originally Posted by dnivera

How do you become a healthier SJ? Just by reading these posts recently I've discovered those nitpicky stereotypical things that other types don't like about SJs...too task-oriented, tend to micromanage, too focused, etc, and I've tried to be more laid-back and less controlling. But I don't really feel like "myself" when I do that!

Honestly, I wouldn't use this forum as an accurate reflection of what most SJs are like. If SJs are the majority of the population then I don't have problems with the majority of the population. If I ever find myself having problems with most people then I'd think there's something about myself that needs to change. I'm not saying that I don't have problems with some SJs but usually it's some other issue at work, not their inherent SJness.

SJs who are strongly Si tend to have problems due to a predominance of one function over another, just as any other type that is strongly reliant upon one or two functions tends to have problems with others. I don't automatically assume you fit the stereotypical SJ mold. You may in fact be a very easygoing person. Just because you're an SJ does not automatically make you anal and SJ strengths are basically what keeps society from falling into a tangled morass. I respect and am extremely grateful to the SJ temperament for at least that and many others things that are probably overlooked and undervalued.

If you know you have personal faults that need to be worked on and you want to use MBTI as a starting point then I'd echo what others have already stated.

I think this topic should be started throughout all the type communes. *nudge, nudge*

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by proteanmix

...I think this topic should be started throughout all the type communes. *nudge, nudge*

Okay... but why should all the NTs learn how to not be SJs?

[MacGuffin]

Originally Posted by proteanmix

I think this topic should be started throughout all the type communes. *nudge, nudge*

The NTs have already evolved into higher lifeforms.

It's the other three groups that hold humanity down.