ENFP Female + ISTJ male-How to make it work - Page 3

Dizzy · 04-20-2008, 09:12 AM

Although you might think we want you to go our way, standing up from time to time is essential. If someone would just go my way and accept everything, I lose my interest.

Nice talking btw quietgirl...

SPARKles · 05-08-2008, 02:33 AM

Sorry,

I got very distracted the last few weeks. I really enjoyed all the posts. Mr ISTJ and I were doing great, having a really good time, getting closer, and then out of the blue without any provocation he decided that he and I were never going anywhere after all. The next day, oddly enough, I saw my old boyfriend that I hadn't seen in 9 months. I remembered why he and I (he's a Mastermind) just clicked so well together. We didn't even have to try. Though he's not ready for a serious relationship right now due to some other responsibilities, he's by beacon, my moon. If I don't end up with him, at the very least it must be someone like him. It was so much work trying to not be myself with Mr ISTJ. With the other, there's nothing about me that he doesn't accept. He never tries to control me or limit me. He makes me write the most fantastic stuff without even thinking about it. He's the voice I hear when I need to feel good about myself. I hear his voice.

That's my story. That's how it begins.

Beat · 05-08-2008, 05:13 AM

^this fickle rebound is priceless. Just like my enfp friend that's a girl.

JivinJeffJones · 05-08-2008, 08:52 AM

This is why I

ENFPs. And I was just working myself up for a "run away from the ISTJ, little ENFP!" rant. I was formulating a 9/11 analogy. I'm sure you'll both be happier this way.

SPARKles · 05-08-2008, 12:31 PM

I'm sorry, but even ENFPs with all our hopefulness have a limit at hearing NO. Even if his words don't match everything else. He said, "it shouldn't be this hard." I said, "You're right. Just remember that you're the one who made it hard." And he did. Man, I've never worked so hard to keep a relationship alive. I think that was the problem. I think I tried too hard. He's coming back into town today. It will be interesting to see how he reacts to my indifference that he's never yet experienced. Now that I've stopped fighting. I wish we didn't have such amazing chemistry. Just talking to him on the phone a few minutes the other day made me a wreck. Oh well. I don't think I'd call me fickle. I've been putting up with this guy for 8 months while EVERYONE of my friends, family and so on said 86 him, he isn't good enough for you. Even his friends said that. The thing is, I know once a committment was made he would put all his effort into making things work. If we can't even get there, it doesn't make a difference.

Penguin · 05-22-2008, 08:39 AM

i know what you are going through, i really do
i have a good istj friend, and he is with an infp now
now there is a difference between infp and enfp, but i can tell you that either way you look at it it wont work, it simply wont
the istj friend is simply FREAKED out by the infp's extreme show of emotions and she is also incredibly tiring for him (and thats on an i-i relationship)
i can imagine that you being an enfp, will tire him out very fast, am i wrong in saying that your dates dont usualy last more than a few hours?

MetalWounds · 05-22-2008, 09:23 AM

My mother is an ENFP and my father is an ISTJ, they've been married for 20 something years. I don't really know how they "make it work" they are quite literally opposites, but they have a solid marriage. My point being, it is possible.

Blah blah exception to the rules.

Blah blah type theory.

A relationship is not so much who you are, but what you're willing to put into it. If you or your partner don't give it your best, it simply won't live up to what it could be.
End of story.

SPARKles · 05-28-2008, 05:29 PM

The funny thing is that now that I have backed off and told him that I was done with it, he has been really relaxed and happier around me and started showing interest again slowly. I think the problem was that he felt rushed by my trying to lead him to a conclusion he wasn't ready to reach.

Last night we were talking about this time when one of my roommates was crazy and he and I were dating then...he said he wished he could just forget that whole time in his life. I laughed and said, "me, too." I quickly got off the phone with him, leaving it on a good note. He called back a few minutes later. He said, "When I said that I wanted to forget that whole time, I didn't mean you. I didn't want you to think I meant you." He said it so sweetly. Lately we have been giving each other these really long sweet looks, keeping conversation light and friendly.

The thing is, I know I created the monster he became for a little while. I put him on the defensive. I backed him into a corner. It's the whole don't go near the cave lest you be burned by the dragon guarding it...Now that I am letting him come to me, he's letting himself get closer. I decided yesterday that the only way I'll feel safe getting back into a relationship with him is if he is initiating it all the way, every bit of it. If he decides it's what he wants, he will put all earnest effort into making it work. He will take the lead. He will make all the plans. He did before. I made the mistake of criticizing his efforts before.

In answer to your question about "will tire him out very fast, am i wrong in saying that your dates dont usualy last more than a few hours?", we both have very busy lives. We never have more than a few hours. I require downtime away from people, too, but I enjoy just having another's presence....I don't have to be talking to them to be happy. I enjoy just doing everyday things together, cooking, cleaning, working, etc...teamwork. He is very much a team player. I sense when he is needing quiet (he starts touching his glasses when I'm talking, and I know he needs me to be quiet) and so put my head to the grindstone and do something else. There's always something else for me to do.

My heart is still very much tied up with his, and it's obvious his is, too. I believe two people who want to make something work will. Once he wants to then we will really have something.

JivinJeffJones · 05-28-2008, 06:04 PM

What the? What happened to the Mastermind (post #22)? Now I'll be the first to admit that I have a tendency to side with ENFPs in almost any situation, but you're really testing the limits of my bias.

Are you 16 by any chance?

mlittrell · 09-03-2008, 04:32 PM

Quote:

So he broke things off with a view to establishing a strong friendship first.

smart kid

05-22-2008, 09:23 AM	#27 (permalink)
MetalWounds More human than human Join Date: Jan 2008 Type: TP Posts: 700	My mother is an ENFP and my father is an ISTJ, they've been married for 20 something years. I don't really know how they "make it work" they are quite literally opposites, but they have a solid marriage. My point being, it is possible. Blah blah exception to the rules. Blah blah type theory. A relationship is not so much who you are, but what you're willing to put into it. If you or your partner don't give it your best, it simply won't live up to what it could be. End of story. __________________ I'm doing science and I'm still alive

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04-20-2008, 09:12 AM	#21 (permalink)
Dizzy Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Type: ISTJ Posts: 53	Although you might think we want you to go our way, standing up from time to time is essential. If someone would just go my way and accept everything, I lose my interest. Nice talking btw quietgirl...

05-08-2008, 02:33 AM	#22 (permalink)
SPARKles Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Type: ENFP Posts: 11	Sorry, I got very distracted the last few weeks. I really enjoyed all the posts. Mr ISTJ and I were doing great, having a really good time, getting closer, and then out of the blue without any provocation he decided that he and I were never going anywhere after all. The next day, oddly enough, I saw my old boyfriend that I hadn't seen in 9 months. I remembered why he and I (he's a Mastermind) just clicked so well together. We didn't even have to try. Though he's not ready for a serious relationship right now due to some other responsibilities, he's by beacon, my moon. If I don't end up with him, at the very least it must be someone like him. It was so much work trying to not be myself with Mr ISTJ. With the other, there's nothing about me that he doesn't accept. He never tries to control me or limit me. He makes me write the most fantastic stuff without even thinking about it. He's the voice I hear when I need to feel good about myself. I hear his voice. That's my story. That's how it begins.

05-08-2008, 05:13 AM	#23 (permalink)
Beat bring me prizes Join Date: Oct 2007 Type: ISTj Location: Unknown Posts: 6,701	^this fickle rebound is priceless. Just like my enfp friend that's a girl.

05-08-2008, 08:52 AM	#24 (permalink)
JivinJeffJones Getting there Join Date: Apr 2007 Type: INFP Location: Shallow soil Posts: 3,221	This is why I ENFPs. And I was just working myself up for a "run away from the ISTJ, little ENFP!" rant. I was formulating a 9/11 analogy. I'm sure you'll both be happier this way.

05-08-2008, 12:31 PM	#25 (permalink)
SPARKles Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Type: ENFP Posts: 11	I'm sorry, but even ENFPs with all our hopefulness have a limit at hearing NO. Even if his words don't match everything else. He said, "it shouldn't be this hard." I said, "You're right. Just remember that you're the one who made it hard." And he did. Man, I've never worked so hard to keep a relationship alive. I think that was the problem. I think I tried too hard. He's coming back into town today. It will be interesting to see how he reacts to my indifference that he's never yet experienced. Now that I've stopped fighting. I wish we didn't have such amazing chemistry. Just talking to him on the phone a few minutes the other day made me a wreck. Oh well. I don't think I'd call me fickle. I've been putting up with this guy for 8 months while EVERYONE of my friends, family and so on said 86 him, he isn't good enough for you. Even his friends said that. The thing is, I know once a committment was made he would put all his effort into making things work. If we can't even get there, it doesn't make a difference.

05-22-2008, 08:39 AM	#26 (permalink)
Penguin Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Type: INFJ Posts: 40	i know what you are going through, i really do i have a good istj friend, and he is with an infp now now there is a difference between infp and enfp, but i can tell you that either way you look at it it wont work, it simply wont the istj friend is simply FREAKED out by the infp's extreme show of emotions and she is also incredibly tiring for him (and thats on an i-i relationship) i can imagine that you being an enfp, will tire him out very fast, am i wrong in saying that your dates dont usualy last more than a few hours?

05-28-2008, 05:29 PM	#28 (permalink)
SPARKles Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Type: ENFP Posts: 11	The funny thing is that now that I have backed off and told him that I was done with it, he has been really relaxed and happier around me and started showing interest again slowly. I think the problem was that he felt rushed by my trying to lead him to a conclusion he wasn't ready to reach. Last night we were talking about this time when one of my roommates was crazy and he and I were dating then...he said he wished he could just forget that whole time in his life. I laughed and said, "me, too." I quickly got off the phone with him, leaving it on a good note. He called back a few minutes later. He said, "When I said that I wanted to forget that whole time, I didn't mean you. I didn't want you to think I meant you." He said it so sweetly. Lately we have been giving each other these really long sweet looks, keeping conversation light and friendly. The thing is, I know I created the monster he became for a little while. I put him on the defensive. I backed him into a corner. It's the whole don't go near the cave lest you be burned by the dragon guarding it...Now that I am letting him come to me, he's letting himself get closer. I decided yesterday that the only way I'll feel safe getting back into a relationship with him is if he is initiating it all the way, every bit of it. If he decides it's what he wants, he will put all earnest effort into making it work. He will take the lead. He will make all the plans. He did before. I made the mistake of criticizing his efforts before. In answer to your question about "will tire him out very fast, am i wrong in saying that your dates dont usualy last more than a few hours?", we both have very busy lives. We never have more than a few hours. I require downtime away from people, too, but I enjoy just having another's presence....I don't have to be talking to them to be happy. I enjoy just doing everyday things together, cooking, cleaning, working, etc...teamwork. He is very much a team player. I sense when he is needing quiet (he starts touching his glasses when I'm talking, and I know he needs me to be quiet) and so put my head to the grindstone and do something else. There's always something else for me to do. My heart is still very much tied up with his, and it's obvious his is, too. I believe two people who want to make something work will. Once he wants to then we will really have something.

05-28-2008, 06:04 PM	#29 (permalink)
JivinJeffJones Getting there Join Date: Apr 2007 Type: INFP Location: Shallow soil Posts: 3,221	What the? What happened to the Mastermind (post #22)? Now I'll be the first to admit that I have a tendency to side with ENFPs in almost any situation, but you're really testing the limits of my bias. Are you 16 by any chance?