ISTJs and being good at distinguishing right and wrong and enforcing it - Page 2

Economica · 11-09-2007, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBeatGoesOn

Is this normal with ISTJs or is it just me? I find myself giving advice to friends and feeling very strongly about expressing what is right/wrong and what should/shouldn't be done.

I don't use the terms right and wrong since I don't believe in absolute morality, but I have been known to, uh, impress upon others my personal standards of optimal behavior.

Isn't it a Te/Fe thing?

GirlAmerica · 11-09-2007, 08:17 PM

One aspect I have found, and then even read about ISTJ's...is that they can have a very dysfunctional partner. I DO NOT GET THAT.
You would think that a correct partner would be at the top of their list.
Blows me away.

Recoleta · 11-09-2007, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlAmerica

One aspect I have found, and then even read about ISTJ's...is that they can have a very dysfunctional partner. I DO NOT GET THAT.
You would think that a correct partner would be at the top of their list.
Blows me away.

I have read this too, and I don't really understand either. I'm very picky about who I date, so I certainly wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who had some sort of serious dysfunctional problem that I knew of from the start.

However, sometimes dysfunctional problems can develop after marriage or once 2 partners are in a long term relationship, and the ISTJ, as a duty fulfiller, will take it upon themselves to care for and support the other partner...hoping they will eventually "get it together." ISTJ's can endure a lot, and if they see the partner that they love and care for in a bad position they will do everything they can to help and will not leave their side. Plus, ISTJ's do not adjust to change easily, and are for the most part very loyal and faithful partners...and then if you throw children into that mix the problem is complicated even further. The ISTJ may be miserable in all actuality, but because of the obligation of the choices they have made they stay.

Unfortunately the real serious problems start if the other partner becomes abusive or negligent -- a situation where it would be best to take off running.

Mycroft · 11-09-2007, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Recoleta

...making something that is very simple into something that becomes infinitely complicated.

I think this is the Devil's Dictionary definition of philosophy.

Lookin4theBestNU · 11-10-2007, 04:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girlamerica

One aspect I have found, and then even read about ISTJ's...is that they can have a very dysfunctional partner. I DO NOT GET THAT.
You would think that a correct partner would be at the top of their list.
Blows me away.

In THEORY it makes perfect sense. I'm not saying all SJs are inclined to think this way!! However,all SJs want to be needed in one way or another. How better to insure you are needed and that you will stay needed then be with someone who is dysfunctional? Who is a better target for the SJs loving guidance and protection? Would it not fulfill the sense of belonging they desire in their beings? In my experience I have watched SJs time and again stay in what many in the outsiders would consider a "bad relationship". I've discovered that in many cases it proves to be a win/win for both parties in a sense. My parents are just one of several examples. I know the obligation/commitment factor is there. I also know that many of them got into these relationships with at least a pretty good clue that the situation was unlikely to change. I do not even offer advice anymore after I figured this out long ago...just listen politely.

CzeCze · 11-10-2007, 05:54 AM

Using only my personal observation of a friend but also from the brief summaries of the type, I would say that ISTJ's are givers.

It's true they see the world in terms of black and white, right and wrong, and we rarely see the same situation in the same way. BUT, they are surprisingly softies when it comes to people that they like. And they are very earnest. If you ask them for an explanation they will really try hard to explain to you how they feel. They try hard to be a "good friend" and I think assume others also put this same kind of value on and work into relationships.

Part of the ISTJ morals probably includes generosity and compassion and because of that, they can be taken advantage of by selfish or needy people. They are the type I think that will try to console or possibly 'save' someone they have already bonded with and deem to have a lot of 'good' in them.

ISTJ also because of a strong 'I' preference will probably have to expend a lot more energy and underg some stress in befriending someone and they will likely put a lot of J value on their relationships and even judge themselves by how well they maintain healthy relationships. So they are less willing to just walk away from a relationship.

GirlAmerica · 11-11-2007, 02:14 AM

I can see that, being an I and J myself...I tend to hold onto relationships longer than I should.
The one ISTJ relationship I am aware of like this, is with an ESFJ.
For whatever reason, they seemingly cant stand one another...yet hold on to one another. It seems a muse gone bad situation. The thing they most liked about one another in the beginning is driving the other completely away.

toonia · 11-11-2007, 03:49 AM

I have a dear, elderly aunt who is an ISTJ. She periodically rakes people over the coals for being irresponsible or doing the wrong things. It can be quite difficult to be on the receiving end. It has happened to me only a couple of times. Despite that, she has a heart of pure gold. She has devoted her entire life to working hard, being of service, and generously giving to help people get back on their feet. She is an extreme recluse socially, but gives more to others than she receives back.

Since she uses her own resources of diligence and character to provide for others, she feels very let down when they don't exhibit the same behaviors after she has helped them. She moves me deeply as a person because even though her personality is quite abrasive and difficult for many people to take, she is in fact a pure soul.

OctaviaCaesar · 11-13-2007, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlAmerica

It is an XSTJ thing.
I live with one of each...it is like having the behavior police on patrol 24/7.

AND are OFFENDED if anyone says a thing to them about THEIR behavior.

Yes. This is one of my parents to a (is)T(j).

Beat · 11-13-2007, 10:42 PM

Like now. I was just notified that my friend (who is a girl) just cheated on her boyfriend for the second time (same guy both times). I was there to talk to her after the first time and supposedly we worked it all out and she said she made a mistake and it wasn't gonna happen again. Not even a week fucking later. I'm boiling right now. I simply can't talk to her about this. I have nothing to say about it that won't completely drive her away from wanting to be my friend.

Wow, people...

11-09-2007, 08:17 PM	#12 (permalink)
GirlAmerica Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Type: intj Posts: 247	One aspect I have found, and then even read about ISTJ's...is that they can have a very dysfunctional partner. I DO NOT GET THAT. You would think that a correct partner would be at the top of their list. Blows me away. __________________ I am the mess you choose The closet you cannot close The devil in you I suppose Cause the wounds never heal

11-10-2007, 05:54 AM	#16 (permalink)
CzeCze You got me in a headlock! Join Date: Sep 2007 Type: ENFP Location: Western Hemisphere Posts: 4,195	ISTJ and their Dysfunctional Partner Using only my personal observation of a friend but also from the brief summaries of the type, I would say that ISTJ's are givers. It's true they see the world in terms of black and white, right and wrong, and we rarely see the same situation in the same way. BUT, they are surprisingly softies when it comes to people that they like. And they are very earnest. If you ask them for an explanation they will really try hard to explain to you how they feel. They try hard to be a "good friend" and I think assume others also put this same kind of value on and work into relationships. Part of the ISTJ morals probably includes generosity and compassion and because of that, they can be taken advantage of by selfish or needy people. They are the type I think that will try to console or possibly 'save' someone they have already bonded with and deem to have a lot of 'good' in them. ISTJ also because of a strong 'I' preference will probably have to expend a lot more energy and underg some stress in befriending someone and they will likely put a lot of J value on their relationships and even judge themselves by how well they maintain healthy relationships. So they are less willing to just walk away from a relationship.

11-11-2007, 03:49 AM	#18 (permalink)
toonia eventually Join Date: Apr 2007 Type: infx Location: desert forest Posts: 3,115	I have a dear, elderly aunt who is an ISTJ. She periodically rakes people over the coals for being irresponsible or doing the wrong things. It can be quite difficult to be on the receiving end. It has happened to me only a couple of times. Despite that, she has a heart of pure gold. She has devoted her entire life to working hard, being of service, and generously giving to help people get back on their feet. She is an extreme recluse socially, but gives more to others than she receives back. Since she uses her own resources of diligence and character to provide for others, she feels very let down when they don't exhibit the same behaviors after she has helped them. She moves me deeply as a person because even though her personality is quite abrasive and difficult for many people to take, she is in fact a pure soul. __________________ a quiet passenger who passed the time looking out the window enjoying this new view of the woods billy collins Ni=Ne=Fi>Te=Ti=Fe>Si>Se

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11-11-2007, 02:14 AM	#17 (permalink)
GirlAmerica Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Type: intj Posts: 247	I can see that, being an I and J myself...I tend to hold onto relationships longer than I should. The one ISTJ relationship I am aware of like this, is with an ESFJ. For whatever reason, they seemingly cant stand one another...yet hold on to one another. It seems a muse gone bad situation. The thing they most liked about one another in the beginning is driving the other completely away.

11-13-2007, 10:42 PM	#20 (permalink)
Beat Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Type: MOFO Location: Unknown Posts: 5,712	Like now. I was just notified that my friend (who is a girl) just cheated on her boyfriend for the second time (same guy both times). I was there to talk to her after the first time and supposedly we worked it all out and she said she made a mistake and it wasn't gonna happen again. Not even a week fucking later. I'm boiling right now. I simply can't talk to her about this. I have nothing to say about it that won't completely drive her away from wanting to be my friend. Wow, people...