pursuing ISFJ.. some questions

[clamsters]

Now if I have been showing/stating pretty obvious signs of interest and she just laughs without saying anything to confirm or deny interest, I should take this as a bad sign? We've only known each other for a few months and I have been upfront with her. However, we've still been talking but she still has not accepted or declined. Maybe she needs time to think about it or..... did scare her off already by being too upfront too fast haha... them ISFJs... sigh.

[Lightning_Rider]

Hard to say but I don't think so. We appreciate directness... I know I like it when the intentions are clear from the start... or at least become evident without too much guessing etc.

Have you asked her out directly already?

[AceofSpades]

Originally Posted by Lightning_Rider

Hard to say but I don't think so. We appreciate directness... I know I like it when the intentions are clear from the start... or at least become evident without too much guessing etc.

Being from a similar type, I think I can relate to your frustrations in pursuing someone who is a ISFJ. I have been talking to and dating a ISFJ over a couple of months now and have had been through similar circumstances. Like lightning rider said ISFJs really like knowing intentions and like others being straight forward. There are times when I have to directly ask yes or no questions to know exactly what my ISFJ is thinking.

As an introverted intuitive you may easily pick up others intentions for no apparent reason while the introverted sensing ISFJ is more apt to pick up intentions by how someone treats them practically in action and in communication. With this in mind ask her plainly on how she feels about things not getting to detailed or being too pushy. Take your time with EVERYTHING and be patient and respectful. Be forward and ask her to a date, then another date and so forth and so on.

Also SJ's in my opinion are the most traditional of all the types and usually like and appreciate standard "courting" practices taking the time to really get to know someone instead of rushing into anything even closely resembling a fling.

[FDG]

Why don't you try to undress her? It usually works?

[saslou]

^^^

Please try to behave yourself.

[clamsters]

Yes, I've asked directly. But I thought at the moment I scared her.. haha... which was opposite of my intention. And she just laughed. I followed up by telling her she can take her time to decide and it's been a few weeks.. But we've been on a few dates since then.. so I guess slow and steady is what I'm hearing as advice... which is fine. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to ask again, since I've been quite clear with my intentions. If it doesn't work out, it's fine too but I just didn't want to decrease chances by being too pushy/forward/direct/etc... which might be opposite of the traditional ISFJ courting process.

[Rachelinpa]

I just didn't want to decrease chances by being too pushy/forward/direct/etc... which might be opposite of the traditional ISFJ courting process.

Yeah, it seems to be that way. My ISFJ has always been really responsive though to my communication. My communication is pretty platonic in content though... just frequent. High frequency seems to be fine. Do you guys text? I love texting. Sigh.

[spirilis]

Originally Posted by clamsters

Yes, I've asked directly. But I thought at the moment I scared her.. haha... which was opposite of my intention. And she just laughed. I followed up by telling her she can take her time to decide and it's been a few weeks.. But we've been on a few dates since then.. so I guess slow and steady is what I'm hearing as advice... which is fine. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to ask again, since I've been quite clear with my intentions. If it doesn't work out, it's fine too but I just didn't want to decrease chances by being too pushy/forward/direct/etc... which might be opposite of the traditional ISFJ courting process.

I did something like this; I asked my g/f out, she accepted, we went on 2 dates, at some point the next day (at a get-together with mutual friends) I asked her in private if she'll be exclusive with me, and she only nervously half-answered the question, leaving it a bit open-ended. In retrospect, asking her that in words wasn't really the traditional way to do it--the next date I did it the right way, I made the forward move and kissed her (after nervously waiting for the right moment, which ended up being right before we said goodbye). She was extremely receptive and when she saw me going for it she faithfully reciprocated, but it took THAT forward move on my part to really ink the deal (so to speak). That's the traditional way to do things; the man needs to be strong and forward and TAKE what he wants, and when she saw that happen she fell right in line. It wasn't what I was personally used to, because I've always felt reserved about being forward with people for fear that I offend or incite conflict, but you just gotta man up in this situation. And you'll probably have to man up in a lot of situations for her, but you know what? If she's anything like my g/f, she'll make it well worth your effort in the end.