Savage Idealist
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- Aug 17, 2010
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So I made this short story for a contest on another forum and although I have a good idea to the type of my main character, but I want some feedback anyway because . . . TYPE MY CHARACTER! 
Also, tell me what you think of my story, thanks
Amid the lush green pastures and endless fields there lay but a small camaraderie of cohorts who but stared at the clear sky. They slept alone and with one another, giggling in placid delight and dreaming to their heart's content. Then one day a young man by the name of Ambitio came upon his cohorts lying in the fields.
"What a wretched sight among my eyes!" yelled Ambitio. "Ye foul folk frolic as though time itself were eternal! Oh how I weep for thy! Does not thou care for all the opportunity that this short life has to offer? Death but comes at the blink of an eye!".
A man slightly rose and replied to Ambitio thus: "Oh dear Ambitio, you must learn to relax. Life lasts longer than you think, time is but relative to ones sense of it; if you walk the trail of a slug then you will live as long it. But walk the trail of a dragonfly, and then you shall die as quickly! So come Ambitio, and enjoy pleasure with us. Won't you come frolic with us in these fields of sleep?".
"To sleep, my brother, is to die! Ye but forfeit life itself when you undertake such a secretly gruesome goal! Thou also speaks nonsense of time, as thou one was educated by a mule! Enough of thy tomfoolery, I am Ambitio! The great successor and liver of life!" pronounced Ambitio.
The man laying in the field then plucked a large white and blue flower from the ground, examined it carefully, and sniffed its aroma. He sighed and laid down completely along the lush grass.
"Thy Cannabis Flowers strike but a deadly curse ye fool! Thou render one stripped of all spirit and passion! Oh I sob for ye! Ambitio weeps for ye sad folk! But alas, although I wish upon thy hope, there can be none for thy! Only those with thy strength to seize thou destiny deserve to have one! And ye lot are but the most hopeless of all hopeless dolts! If ye ever hope to grab life by its cock I suggest ye sacrifice thy slumber and run with vigor! Move it ye lazybones! Ye dullards! Ye sloths! Ye corpses! Ye stone foots! Ye asses! And with that, I Ambitio, am off!"
Ambitio then sprinted through the great miles of fields until he came upon a lonesome oak tree bearing red and black fruit.
"Oh Ecstasy Tree! Ye are but a rare one! For while thy Cannabis Flowers pollute thy meadow, thy blesses it with an energy that makes angels weep in delight! Oh Ecstasy Tree, I but ask of ye, may thou bear thou fruit? No! I demand! I want ye fruit! And I shall take it!".
Ambitio plucked an Ecstasy Apple and devoured it post haste. Within mere moments he danced with abundant excitement and roared with the might of a behemoth.
"Oh bless ye Ecstasy Tree! I must now be off! Free to expand thy great gift to great heights!"
Ambitio then sprinted with the might of a gale wind. He moved faster than any man ever could, through the lush green pastures and up the foothills of Mt. Celeritate. But before Ambitio could begin his ascent up the mountain, he grew weary and short of breath. Thus he dragged his feet back to the Ecstasy Tree.
"Oh Ecstasy Tree! Thou has but teased me with temporary offerings! For before I could ascend Mt. Celeritate I tire out! Exhausted and weak, but are vices to me! Ye fruit is not potent enough! Therefore I shall take more, and increase my energy tenfold!".
Ambitio plucked three Ecstasy Apples and devoured them post haste. Within mere moments he danced with plentiful exhilaration and screamed with the passion of an inferno.
"Oh bless ye Ecstasy Tree! I must now be off! Free to expand thy great gift to great heights!"
Ambitio then sprinted back to Mt. Celeritate and began his ascension. He climbed but a quarter of the mountain's cliffs before he grew weary and short of breath. Thus he dragged his feet back to the Ecstasy Tree.
"Oh Ecstasy Tree! Thou still does not grant my proper offer! For before I could ascend more than a quarter of Mt. Celeritate I tire out! Sloth and tired, but are vices to me! Three of ye fruit is not potent enough! Therefore I shall take more and increase my energy a hundredfold!".
Ambitio plucked ten Ecstasy Apples and devoured them post haste. Within mere moments he danced with overflowing elation and bellowed with the ferocity of a lion.
"Oh bless ye Ecstasy Tree! I must now be off! Free to expand thy great gift to great heights!"
Ambitio then returned to Mt. Celeritate and resumed his ascension . He climbed but half of the mountain's cliffs before he grew weary and short of breath. Thus he dragged his feet back to the Ecstasy Tree.
"Oh Ecstasy Tree! Thou has but continued to play me a fool! For before I could ascend more than half of Mt. Celeritate I tire out! Defeated and inept, but are vices to me! Ye fruit is not potent enough! Therefore I shall eat all thou has to offer, and increase my energy a thousand fold!".
Ambitio plucked all the Ecstasy Apples and devoured them post haste. Within mere moments he danced with brimming euphoria and shrieked with the terror of a volcano.
"Oh bless ye Ecstasy Tree! I must now be off! Free to expand thy great gift to great heights!"
A red aura had then engulfed Ambitio completely, his eyes burned with flames as he flew across the fields and up Mt. Celeritate. Up and up he went, until at last he reached the peak of Mt. Celeritate.
"Oh glorious day! I, Ambitio, have ascended Mt. Celeritate! I, Ambitio the Conqueror of Life, have become a god!
And with that Ambitio began to dance with joy and laugh and sing and cry. But his celebration was short lived, for his grew weary and short of breath. Soon the mighty Ambitio became sickly with fatigue and could not maintain his balance. He lost his footing as fell down the other side of the mountain. Jagged rock after jagged rock tore Ambitio to shreds and pieces. And when he feel near the base of the mountain he descended deeper into a sharp ravine of darkness. Ambitio lay covered in messy blood and bones shattered like glass.
"Oh what cruel fate! I, Ambitio the Conqueror of Life, have succumbed to the wicked hand of death! I will perish from my grave wounds, and no hope can salvage me from this hell! Oh those of ye whom I knew, if thou could see me in such a manner, ye would surely shake your heads in pity. But I say, ye are still and always will be mistaken! For unlike thy dishonest fool who weeps for his own reckless misfortune, I accept the bad with the good! I chose this path with my own free will! I knew the dangers of my desire, of the ill fate that lurked at every corner, ready to strike like a stalking tiger! Well, I welcome it! Such pain, such misery, is but the price for my life, and I accept it for what it is! I lived and ascended to the highest point of Mt. Celeritate and rose above all ye fools and bums, I still hold thy title of god! And with that, I can die happy. Come! Come take me death! Oh you voluptuous whore, steal from me my final breath and close the final chapter in my book of life! With that, I Ambitio, Ambitio the Conqueror of Life, am off! Good day to thy sir!".
Ambitio then slowly faded out of consciousness as he quietly closed his eyes. His life faded with the darkness around him, and all grew perpetually silent.
Also, tell me what you think of my story, thanks
Rush the Mountain
Amid the lush green pastures and endless fields there lay but a small camaraderie of cohorts who but stared at the clear sky. They slept alone and with one another, giggling in placid delight and dreaming to their heart's content. Then one day a young man by the name of Ambitio came upon his cohorts lying in the fields.
"What a wretched sight among my eyes!" yelled Ambitio. "Ye foul folk frolic as though time itself were eternal! Oh how I weep for thy! Does not thou care for all the opportunity that this short life has to offer? Death but comes at the blink of an eye!".
A man slightly rose and replied to Ambitio thus: "Oh dear Ambitio, you must learn to relax. Life lasts longer than you think, time is but relative to ones sense of it; if you walk the trail of a slug then you will live as long it. But walk the trail of a dragonfly, and then you shall die as quickly! So come Ambitio, and enjoy pleasure with us. Won't you come frolic with us in these fields of sleep?".
"To sleep, my brother, is to die! Ye but forfeit life itself when you undertake such a secretly gruesome goal! Thou also speaks nonsense of time, as thou one was educated by a mule! Enough of thy tomfoolery, I am Ambitio! The great successor and liver of life!" pronounced Ambitio.
The man laying in the field then plucked a large white and blue flower from the ground, examined it carefully, and sniffed its aroma. He sighed and laid down completely along the lush grass.
"Thy Cannabis Flowers strike but a deadly curse ye fool! Thou render one stripped of all spirit and passion! Oh I sob for ye! Ambitio weeps for ye sad folk! But alas, although I wish upon thy hope, there can be none for thy! Only those with thy strength to seize thou destiny deserve to have one! And ye lot are but the most hopeless of all hopeless dolts! If ye ever hope to grab life by its cock I suggest ye sacrifice thy slumber and run with vigor! Move it ye lazybones! Ye dullards! Ye sloths! Ye corpses! Ye stone foots! Ye asses! And with that, I Ambitio, am off!"
Ambitio then sprinted through the great miles of fields until he came upon a lonesome oak tree bearing red and black fruit.
"Oh Ecstasy Tree! Ye are but a rare one! For while thy Cannabis Flowers pollute thy meadow, thy blesses it with an energy that makes angels weep in delight! Oh Ecstasy Tree, I but ask of ye, may thou bear thou fruit? No! I demand! I want ye fruit! And I shall take it!".
Ambitio plucked an Ecstasy Apple and devoured it post haste. Within mere moments he danced with abundant excitement and roared with the might of a behemoth.
"Oh bless ye Ecstasy Tree! I must now be off! Free to expand thy great gift to great heights!"
Ambitio then sprinted with the might of a gale wind. He moved faster than any man ever could, through the lush green pastures and up the foothills of Mt. Celeritate. But before Ambitio could begin his ascent up the mountain, he grew weary and short of breath. Thus he dragged his feet back to the Ecstasy Tree.
"Oh Ecstasy Tree! Thou has but teased me with temporary offerings! For before I could ascend Mt. Celeritate I tire out! Exhausted and weak, but are vices to me! Ye fruit is not potent enough! Therefore I shall take more, and increase my energy tenfold!".
Ambitio plucked three Ecstasy Apples and devoured them post haste. Within mere moments he danced with plentiful exhilaration and screamed with the passion of an inferno.
"Oh bless ye Ecstasy Tree! I must now be off! Free to expand thy great gift to great heights!"
Ambitio then sprinted back to Mt. Celeritate and began his ascension. He climbed but a quarter of the mountain's cliffs before he grew weary and short of breath. Thus he dragged his feet back to the Ecstasy Tree.
"Oh Ecstasy Tree! Thou still does not grant my proper offer! For before I could ascend more than a quarter of Mt. Celeritate I tire out! Sloth and tired, but are vices to me! Three of ye fruit is not potent enough! Therefore I shall take more and increase my energy a hundredfold!".
Ambitio plucked ten Ecstasy Apples and devoured them post haste. Within mere moments he danced with overflowing elation and bellowed with the ferocity of a lion.
"Oh bless ye Ecstasy Tree! I must now be off! Free to expand thy great gift to great heights!"
Ambitio then returned to Mt. Celeritate and resumed his ascension . He climbed but half of the mountain's cliffs before he grew weary and short of breath. Thus he dragged his feet back to the Ecstasy Tree.
"Oh Ecstasy Tree! Thou has but continued to play me a fool! For before I could ascend more than half of Mt. Celeritate I tire out! Defeated and inept, but are vices to me! Ye fruit is not potent enough! Therefore I shall eat all thou has to offer, and increase my energy a thousand fold!".
Ambitio plucked all the Ecstasy Apples and devoured them post haste. Within mere moments he danced with brimming euphoria and shrieked with the terror of a volcano.
"Oh bless ye Ecstasy Tree! I must now be off! Free to expand thy great gift to great heights!"
A red aura had then engulfed Ambitio completely, his eyes burned with flames as he flew across the fields and up Mt. Celeritate. Up and up he went, until at last he reached the peak of Mt. Celeritate.
"Oh glorious day! I, Ambitio, have ascended Mt. Celeritate! I, Ambitio the Conqueror of Life, have become a god!
And with that Ambitio began to dance with joy and laugh and sing and cry. But his celebration was short lived, for his grew weary and short of breath. Soon the mighty Ambitio became sickly with fatigue and could not maintain his balance. He lost his footing as fell down the other side of the mountain. Jagged rock after jagged rock tore Ambitio to shreds and pieces. And when he feel near the base of the mountain he descended deeper into a sharp ravine of darkness. Ambitio lay covered in messy blood and bones shattered like glass.
"Oh what cruel fate! I, Ambitio the Conqueror of Life, have succumbed to the wicked hand of death! I will perish from my grave wounds, and no hope can salvage me from this hell! Oh those of ye whom I knew, if thou could see me in such a manner, ye would surely shake your heads in pity. But I say, ye are still and always will be mistaken! For unlike thy dishonest fool who weeps for his own reckless misfortune, I accept the bad with the good! I chose this path with my own free will! I knew the dangers of my desire, of the ill fate that lurked at every corner, ready to strike like a stalking tiger! Well, I welcome it! Such pain, such misery, is but the price for my life, and I accept it for what it is! I lived and ascended to the highest point of Mt. Celeritate and rose above all ye fools and bums, I still hold thy title of god! And with that, I can die happy. Come! Come take me death! Oh you voluptuous whore, steal from me my final breath and close the final chapter in my book of life! With that, I Ambitio, Ambitio the Conqueror of Life, am off! Good day to thy sir!".
Ambitio then slowly faded out of consciousness as he quietly closed his eyes. His life faded with the darkness around him, and all grew perpetually silent.
