Male Thinkers who are really Feelers in Disguise?

[tinker683]

Here on the forums, I don't hide my more emotional side at all. I suppose that's because here on the Internet I'm anonymous and therefore largely "safe" to be myself.

In real life, however, is a different story. By and large I allow a lot of my "Feeler"ness to show but only enough to still remain within acceptable boundaries what most men consider "normal". Everyone who really knows me knows that I'm very sensitive and very warm and that the stoic front I put on is largely just my public face. Who I am in private is much deeper than that.

I used to be a lot more open with who I was when I was younger but I was ostracized for it and the memories of the isolation and exclusion still sting to this day. Perhaps that makes me weak for feeling the need to hide a lot of who I am...but that's where I am right now. Maybe one day I'll get strong enough to let who I am out in the open completely.

One last thing: How I express myself depends on who I'm with. I've found the generally among most women and other feeler males I tend to come out of my shell easier than I do with T-males or extremely strong T-women.

 

[cascadeco]

One last thing: How I express myself depends on who I'm with. I've found the generally among most women and other feeler males I tend to come out of my shell easier than I do with T-males or extremely strong T-women.

See, kind of oppositely, I have always found myself much more comfortable with guy-talk than girl-talk. I can handle women 1:1, but more than one and I can quickly lose interest or become overwhelmed by emotional-type-presentations. It's like... I'm comfortable with some feeler women (and men) and see commonalities, but also notice many differences in LEVEL of various traits between us. Same with thinker women and men - I'd say I'm fully comfortable with them too but notice differences in level. I don't know if this speaks more to my N-ness or is more telling of my not being terribly F, at least in comparison to most women. I'm starting to realize over time that I'm pretty weird. In addition, I think a big part is gender socialization expectations - as a quiet, non-contributing, often uninterested (or with few commanalities) person in a group of women I judge myself as lacking, whereas with guys I'm totally cool and at ease being quiet and such. But, this all started way back in elementary/jr high. I'm not very good in group settings, at all.

 

[Mephistopheles]

I guess that's my point. I've heard Feelers make up only about 30% of males, but I see a lot more who I think are F than that. for instance, one of my favorite classes in high school was comprised of mostly male ESFPs. the class was so reambunctious that when the teacher would leave people would randomly start tackling each other and doing all kinds of crazy thing (I think the teacher was ISFP because he didn't really care)

impulsive =|= Feeler, as far as I know; Imho impulsivity is more about whether you are a P or J than about F or T. In fact, if I remember correctly, the T-people I knew were more likely to do crazy shit than the Fs, because the Fs are always thinking about annoying things like "modesty"(Fe) or "morality"(Fi).

 

[cascadeco]

impulsive =|= Feeler, as far as I know; Imho impulsivity is more about whether you are a P or J than about F or T. In fact, if I remember correctly, the T-people I knew were more likely to do crazy shit than the Fs, because the Fs are always thinking about annoying things like "modesty"(Fe) or "morality"(Fi).

True, impulsivity has more to do with J/P.

Too, to the whole topic of %'s of the various dichotomies found in your life/various groups, that can't be relied upon too much simply because depending on what little sub-demographic/group you're involved in, or the general group of people who constitute your life, you could easily have really high %'s of F's in one group, T's in another, high %'s of SP's in another, etc. So your relative group/surrounding might have a high proportion of something or other, but that has little to do with the general population and people outside your immediate sphere.

 

[Mephistopheles]

True, impulsivity has more to do with J/P.

Too, to the whole topic of %'s of the various dichotomies found in your life/various groups, that can't be relied upon too much simply because depending on what little sub-demographic/group you're involved in, or the general group of people who constitute your life, you could easily have really high %'s of F's in one group, T's in another, high %'s of SP's in another, etc. So your relative group/surrounding might have a high proportion of something or other, but that has little to do with the general population and people outside your immediate sphere.

Yeah, that's the reason why I explicitly wrote it as an personal experience rather than a common fact. One gets easily biased by his/her own immediate environment.

 

[Elfboy]

impulsive =|= Feeler, as far as I know; Imho impulsivity is more about whether you are a P or J than about F or T. In fact, if I remember correctly, the T-people I knew were more likely to do crazy shit than the Fs, because the Fs are always thinking about annoying things like "modesty"(Fe) or "morality"(Fi).

it's true, I noticed the same thing, but the way they were crazy was much more F. for instance, most of the guys in this class could not stop touching each other. whether it was tickling, tackling, arm wrestling or randomly arrested development-esque back rubs. almost everything they did had some sort of "I love you" connotation to it. needless to say, as a gay guy it was kind of a turn on :redface:

 

[KDude]

I'm not a big "toucher". I might be biased or mistyped, but I don't associate it with F. I don't mean anything bad by it.. it just doesn't come to mind. There are friends actually who used to have a running joke on whether I'm going to "leave them hanging" or something, like not shaking their hands good bye or whatnot. I had to make a point of doing it for them.

 

[Elfboy]

I'm not a big "toucher". I might be biased or mistyped, but I don't associate it with F. I don't mean anything bad by it.. it just doesn't come to mind. There are friends actually who used to have a running joke on whether I'm going to "leave them hanging" or something, like not shaking their hands good bye or whatnot. I had to make a point of doing it for them.

it's more of an EF thing and an SP thing. several introverted Fs don't like to be touched a lot either, but ESFPs have personalities like puppies most of the time. ESTPs tend to be a lot less warm and fuzzy.

 

[onemoretime]

Well-developed Thinking looks a hell of a lot like Feeling. The epiphany is that Feeling is entirely rational, and one of the many components of our existence.

 

[Coriolis]

There is a new fellow in my workplace who I am sure is an F. He says he tests as ENTJ, but with nearly equal T/F score, and the way he approaches problems, and people, is full of Fe. He goes about things so differently from the rest of us, and often manages to get results when the rest of us are stymied. He agrees he might very well be F and seems very comfortable with who he is, but then he is probably ~40 and therefore more mature than many of our other coworkers.

Yeah, I know quite a many male feelers who aren't hiding their emotions. One just has to remind himself that (straight) male feelers show their emotions usually differently from female feelers(and other way round, female thinkers show their lack thereof differently from male thinkers). f.e., no one would say Onizuka Eikichi would behave like a woman, although he's obviously a F (to be exact, an ESFP).

How so? This is quite a generalization. Can you provide some examples or explain the basis for this?

 

[Mephistopheles]

How so? This is quite a generalization. Can you provide some examples or explain the basis for this?

I think it's simply the pressure of the gender archetype. For example, in my experience, even the thinker-womans I met smile significantly more than the thinker men and generally aren't that aloof. They often have , let's say, an "surface-F" to not seem too anormal. The F-Males I know on the other hand, aren't often that cuddly etc., they often seem to have a "surface-T". Still, they show their emotions by the decisions they make rather than the "obvious signs". Though one could say this is a form of denial. I observed this attitude especially in people of whom I think they have quite a strong Si, what makes imho relatively much sense. Males with a clear lack of Si-ENFP- show f.e. their emotions very much alike to the way females show theirs, and vice-versa ENTP-females are often quite manly.Though I just have this theory and my observations, but unfortunately no empirical data.

 

[Lady_X]

hahaha, you obviously haven't romantically seen many ENFPs or ESFPs, we're great in bed FP males have a much better sense of sensuality and are better at satisfying their partners. of course, if the feelers you've slept with where underconfident and overly emotional, I can see why you'd say this. your average Casanova or Don Juan is probably an ENFP 7.

you ought to reread what she actually wrote.

 

[Thessaly]

I once went on a camping trip with a bunch of men aged 24-30 and they listened to Garth Brooks and talked about their feelings all night long. It never ended. I was so let down. I finally hangout with the boys and they turned out to be girls. I hope I never have to experience that again. Was so utterly disappointing.

 

[Lark]

Feelers in Disguise!!

 

[Epiphany]

I once went on a camping trip with a bunch of men aged 24-30 and they listened to Garth Brooks and talked about their feelings all night long. It never ended. I was so let down. I finally hangout with the boys and they turned out to be girls. I hope I never have to experience that again. Was so utterly disappointing.

Isn't that terrible? Guys have feelings too. Who would've thought that men would lower themselves to the status of women by having emotions?

 

[Thessaly]

Isn't that terrible? Guys have feelings too. Who would've thought that men would lower themselves to the status of women by having emotions?

Should I send you an invite to the next camp out?

 

[Epiphany]

Should I send you an invite to the next camp out?

No thanks. I don't like country music.

 

[Thessaly]

That's too bad. They'll need another INFP to fill my silent and brooding campfire seat.

 

[onemoretime]

I once went on a camping trip with a bunch of men aged 24-30 and they listened to Garth Brooks and talked about their feelings all night long. It never ended. I was so let down. I finally hangout with the boys and they turned out to be girls. I hope I never have to experience that again. Was so utterly disappointing.

That's what guys do on camping trips. It's OK, because you're away from judgmental civilization, and judgmental women. We're human too, you know.

 

[Thessaly]

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.