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Are manners lacking in today's world? If so, why?

I have good manners

  • 1---I am a real dick

    Votes: 1 1.4%
  • 2---I couldn't care less about manners

    Votes: 3 4.2%
  • 3---I use manners when I want something

    Votes: 3 4.2%
  • 4---I use manners around strangers most of the time

    Votes: 10 13.9%
  • 5---I use manners when I have to, but I have to force it

    Votes: 6 8.3%
  • 6---I am reasonably well-mannered

    Votes: 27 37.5%
  • 7---I am better mannered than most of my friends

    Votes: 2 2.8%
  • 8---I use manners with my friends, but not so much with my family

    Votes: 3 4.2%
  • 9---I have really good manners and use them most of the time

    Votes: 13 18.1%
  • 10--I am as well mannered as the queen of england :)

    Votes: 4 5.6%

  • Total voters
    72

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Is it me or is each generation becoming ruder? I know I am not as etiquette-minded as my parents' generation. And I think my grandparents' generation was super nice: You couldn't knock on their door without being offered a cup of coffee or being invited in for a bit of conversation. Is it because people had more time then? What are you thoughts? Please also consider,

1) Does type affect manners? Is it an Fe thing?
2) Would you describe yourself as rude or lacking manners? Or both? Or well-mannered?
3) Do you think you need to improve in the manners department?
4) Are manners not needed as much anymore in this age of technology?

Here are just a few articles that spurted forth on a google search:

University graduates 'lack manners' - Telegraph

GOOD MANNERS LACKING; DEFICIENCIES OF SOME AMERICAN YOUNG MEN.VARIOUS ... - Article Preview - The New York Times

Manners Lacking When it Comes to Technology

Does anyone have manners today? | Newspaper in Education - MassLive.com - masslive.com

Many Aussie women lack manners and are &squo;foul-mouthed and loud&squo; | The Courier-Mail
 

lastrailway

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Before answering your questions, I'd like to note that I believe that each generation believes that next generations are ruder, more passive, more selfish, or whatever.

I think that this happens largely cause when you're young you have a different perception of yourself and the way you act and behave. You tend to get a different viewpoint when you get older, plus you get -you have to get- more apt socially and conform more with the various social norms, in general.

1) Does type affect manners? Is it an Fe thing?
Allegedly manners are a Fe thing. Fe users tend to be more in tune with others' reactions to them and more able to adapt their behaviour to these reactions.

2) Would you describe yourself as rude or lacking manners? Or both? Or well-mannered?
I am polite, I don't know if that's enough to characterise myself as well-mannered. I try not getting offensive, though.

3) Do you think you need to improve in the manners department?
I really don't know. Sometimes people take offence to things I say, but I'm really not sure it's my problem rather than theirs - it's usually content-related and not delivery-related. Usually.

4) Are manners not needed as much anymore in this age of technology?
I find this question kind of irrelevant. Manners is a social etiquette that sometimes makes interaction with others easier and sometimes it makes it less flexible. The age of technology is not stripped by social etiquettes and conventions.

EDIT: For the record, I voted (6)
 

BlueScreen

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I'm big on the driving etiquette. It feels like a lot of people forget they are moving in a crowd when they drive, and instead just see cars. My table etiquette depends on where I am. If I go to a fine restaurant I adapt to do things properly. If I'm at home watching TV, I eat with whatever is easiest, and I would probably look strangely at anyone who pulled me up on it for not "being proper". Anywhere in between, I do a mix of the two.

When engaging with people I won't follow the normal order of conversation, but I'm quite careful not to insult them. I probably say thank you and sorry more than most people I know. When I use anything that is public or shared I like to leave it in the best condition possible for others and not screw them round. On the other hand, if conversation wants to wander into the totally inappropriate I normally go there and will probably help it go there. If it will have a strong negative impact on someone by going there, I will be very careful though.

1) Does type affect manners? Is it an Fe thing?
It might correlate with interest in them. And maybe different types have different ideas of what manners are.

2) Would you describe yourself as rude or lacking manners? Or both? Or well-mannered?
Well mannered. Very few people IRL have pulled me up on anything but not tying my shoe laces or making my bed. People interactions are an area where I'm very aware of things.

3) Do you think you need to improve in the manners department?
In some areas. Maybe there's some things I'd like to learn that I might still be ignorant to.

4) Are manners not needed as much anymore in this age of technology?
I find internet trolls funny. I don't think they should be a standard though. If the internet is used for communication which would normally involve manners, I see no reason not to be well mannered. If it is a situation where people enjoy the opportunity to be free from manners and it works best without them, then maybe we can ignore them.


btw, I chose 6.
 

BerberElla

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I am reasonably well mannered, I would have given myself more but it's down to me remembering manners in the first place.

I always say excuse me in crowds, or apologise if I bump into someone, I do however take them back if the person is rude about it. :devil:

I say thank you if a door is opened and hold open doors myself, I offer my seat if someone needs it more than me on public transport. Wave thank you to a car that allows me to cross a road by stopping for me.

Usual manners.

If you come to my house I will more often than not simply forget to offer you any refreshments. I fail as a hostess. :blush:

I don't see myself as rude, but I am absent minded.
 

BlueScreen

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I always say excuse me in crowds, or apologise if I bump into someone, I do however take them back if the person is rude about it. :devil:

I say thank you if a door is opened and hold open doors myself, I offer my seat if someone needs it more than me on public transport. Wave thank you to a car that allows me to cross a road by stopping for me.

Usual manners.

If you come to my house I will more often than not simply forget to offer you any refreshments. I fail as a hostess. :blush:

I don't see myself as rude, but I am absent minded.

I'm pretty much the same.
 

FDG

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I lack manners, I hate manners, I couldn't care less about manners. Of course tho I would offer stuff to somebody that came to visit me, that's not manners tho, manners is more bullshit-like stuff you don't feel like doing. I chose 1 - proud of it.
 

Valiant

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On the internet? Not so much. I often challenge and speak out against something.
As much positive as negative. It's hard to be polite to some retarded fellow trying to make some weird point...

Anyway. In real life I am incredibly well-mannered. A good nine.
So is my entire family. I can do jargon, but I usually do not. I don't have much of a northerner accent speaking Swedish, either.
People from here who don't know me always assume that I am from a rich family or some such.
That's not entirely accurate. My family wasn't always upper class/upper middle class.
It's just in recent years that we've gone there; but we're an intellectual bunch for sure.
However poor we were when my father didn't have a job for like five years when I was a kid, we've always had a decently big library at home. An estimate is that we have a few thousand books, and that is not including children's books and young adult literature.

But yes, I am well-mannered in my encounters with all except people I really dislike.
Sometimes, or most of the time, towards them too. Polite in an ill-meaning and condescending kind of way. ;)
 

Randomnity

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I am reasonably well mannered, I would have given myself more but it's down to me remembering manners in the first place.

I always say excuse me in crowds, or apologise if I bump into someone, I do however take them back if the person is rude about it. :devil:

I say thank you if a door is opened and hold open doors myself, I offer my seat if someone needs it more than me on public transport. Wave thank you to a car that allows me to cross a road by stopping for me.

Usual manners.

If you come to my house I will more often than not simply forget to offer you any refreshments. I fail as a hostess. :blush:

I don't see myself as rude, but I am absent minded.
Yeah this is me too. The simple things I'm in the habit of always doing, but I don't tend to go...out of my way, I guess? Half the time I think it's unnecessary or would make people feel weird, I dunno.
 

VagrantFarce

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Messages
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Manners are relative, and saying that no one has any manners anymore is indicative of a dogmatic-Fe stance that refuses to adapt to changing circumstances and the cultural tide.

That's my excuse, anyway. :D
 

Valiant

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Why are most people lacking in manners?
The question if they do is pointless. They do.
It is because they are uneducated rabble.
Not like the working class used to be.
Television and media bombardment leaves its marks.
They do not care about things like being polite and honest.
Lots of people nowadays think that it is okay or even cool
to be a criminal as long as you get away with it in some "cool" way.
It's just decadence because they have never had to struggle.

Before, the working class was indeed poor. But it read a lot of books and it had traditions and values.
It was steadfast and unrelenting. When democracy that they had been longing for finally came around and life gradually became easier, things started to deteriorate with every generation in most families.
This is not unheard of historically, either. It's ups and downs.
It will bring around a new time of trouble and lots of people will doubtlessly die.

Where before someone would rather cut their own arm off than steal, some now do.
Before, everyone opened doors for and helped old ladies carry things or get over streets.
Giving your seat in a bus or train to someone old and fragile is just something one should do.
Lots of snotty little brats as well as "adults" now don't give a **** about anyone but themselves.

They're no longer "working class" like us honest people.
They are just trash proletariat. A term called "Lumpenproletariat" by Marx and Engels.
God, nothing pisses me off like this. That's why I at first didn't write about it...
Well, I decided to do so anyway.
 

FDG

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Pfff, I read a lot of books but I'm ill-mannered. In the past people used to beat up women as an everyday activity. They were not better mannered than nowadays.
 

Valiant

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Pfff, I read a lot of books but I'm ill-mannered. In the past people used to beat up women as an everyday activity. They were not better mannered than nowadays.

Haha! I do not believe you. From what I have seen, you behave really well unless you are angry in some heated argument.
Same here.

Well, it was legal with wifebeating, that is true. Far from everyone ever did, though.
At least in Sweden, it was always considered cowardly.
Don't know how it was in Italy. It's always been a subject I've felt reluctance for.
Progress has been made in some areas, I know.
I never said more than what I said.

And of course, there has always been trash proletariat, as there will always be.
It's just the amount of it that has changed for the worse.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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fixed. :smile:

I've been here almost a year I think, so I might make a few corrections for the adventurous who visit my thread. In fact, I think to make it more fun, I'll give eveyone my own little score, based on what I know of them historically on Type C or, if I don't know them well, based on their post style.

:jew: (I don't see this as a Jew. I see him as a holier-than-thou-or-perhaps-just-wise-Amish-man)
 

King sns

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Is it me or is each generation becoming ruder? I know I am not as etiquette-minded as my parents' generation. And I think my grandparents' generation was super nice: You couldn't knock on their door without being offered a cup of coffee or being invited in for a bit of conversation. Is it because people had more time then? What are you thoughts? Please also consider,

1) Does type affect manners? Is it an Fe thing?
2) Would you describe yourself as rude or lacking manners? Or both? Or well-mannered?
3) Do you think you need to improve in the manners department?
4) Are manners not needed as much anymore in this age of technology?

Here are just a few articles that spurted forth on a google search:

University graduates 'lack manners' - Telegraph

GOOD MANNERS LACKING; DEFICIENCIES OF SOME AMERICAN YOUNG MEN.VARIOUS ... - Article Preview - The New York Times

Manners Lacking When it Comes to Technology

Does anyone have manners today? | Newspaper in Education - MassLive.com - masslive.com

Many Aussie women lack manners and are &squo;foul-mouthed and loud&squo; | The Courier-Mail


I think of manners as an Fe thing. I put 5 but I think I would change it to 6. I wouldn't say that I'm not well mannered but I think I get too comfortable too quick. I'm not as natural with formalities as I should be, unless I'm trying really hard, like for an interview or something. I do feel that generations before us did a better job at this. (The generations before the baby boomers.) They were less centered in their own success and busy lives and more centered in relationships and each other. I haven't read the article yet so I don't understand the technology question, but I can take a blind smack at it. I think we get too used to communicating via technology, which doesn't require as much skill with etiquette, as manners a lot of times require certain body language and facial expressions. I think of "technology manners" as using capital letters, proper punctuation, and spelling, and full sentences. An email with all the new abbreviations and smileys, lowercase, whatever, would indicate either a closer relationship, and of course you wouldn't email a resume with this type of language. But face to face manners are a completely different thing, obviously. So in short, no I don't think it's less necessary, but it's definitely less common since people get less practice. If that makes sense. I may be off in left field with this, but it's my own idea without having read the article to know what you're talking about. :)

I work with the elderly and find that having manners goes a long way in my friendships with them. They tend to open up and feel more comfortable around a young lady with manners, because that's what they grew up with.

Edit: Just read the technology in public article. That is much more accepted than it was even 5 years ago, I think.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Before answering your questions, I'd like to note that I believe that each generation believes that next generations are ruder, more passive, more selfish, or whatever.

Well, I was pointing to prior generations being nicer, not 'youngsters' being ruder. I think there is a difference. Don't you?

EDIT: For the record, I voted (6)

I'll let this stand. :)

EDIT: Please excuse my perspective shift. It happens :doh: I guess I mean, let's keep this discussion within context of our generational reality. Yeah, it is common to say, "All generations think younger generations are ruder," but I just want to be clear that I don't think, and I hope for the sake of this discussion we agree, it's an appropriate excuse or rationalization for becoming less well-mannered (because that's just the way it is and always will be), if we indeed are becoming less well-mannered.
 

NewEra

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I wasn't going to comment, but I am now since there are people who disagree with my POV...

1) Does type affect manners? Is it an Fe thing?

Not at all. I've seen people (specifically males), with otherwise low Fe, display very good manners because they know it's advantageous to the situation (not geniune).

2) Would you describe yourself as rude or lacking manners? Or both? Or well-mannered?

I'm pretty well-mannered, if it means that I get something in return, or if it's for an important cause.

3) Do you think you need to improve in the manners department?

In some cases yeah, I can be pretty loud or nonchalant or tense when things get boring or dragged on. But in general, not at all.

4) Are manners not needed as much anymore in this age of technology?

No. Manners are still important - in interviews, meeting future in-laws, etc.
 

teslashock

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Could you please excuse me from posting anything substantial in this thread? Thank you. *curtsies*
 

disregard

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Perhaps because parents aren't hounding their children about manners because it isn't necessary for social survival anymore. Looks? Money? Social status? Much easier way to win people over.
 

BerberElla

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Perhaps because parents aren't hounding their children about manners because it isn't necessary for social survival anymore. Looks? Money? Social status? Much easier way to win people over.


Hasn't that always been the case though? in all ages, looks, money and social status have mattered more when it comes to winning over people, than manners ever have. :dry:

I hear people often going on about todays generation lacking manners, but I have been pushed by a granny trying to get on a bus, whilst I was holding a baby in one arm and pram in the other, not even giving me the chance to move out of her way, no excuse me, no manners whatsoever, so it's not purely generational.

It's a running joke that one should be careful of grannies near buses over here, they are rude.

Big city living over rural living is another that springs to mind when people talk about differences in manners. Yet that only works in you fit in to the small city and don't stand out, where were the manners in a small village I lived in in yorkshire when they were busy hailing out "Oi, paki" to me and my son?

Vs the teenage, hooded, criminal looking youth who stopped to ask me the other day if I needed help with my shopping, getting onto the bus, here in city living where I am now.

I don't know, I've seen manners span across cultures and generations, with only the personality, ie being a nice person, being the defining factor.
 
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