1. Being In-Charge of an activity, event, organization or family is not the same thing as what the In-Charge interaction style refers to.
2. You can be an ENFP CEO, but you will still be more likely to identify with the GET THINGS GOING interaction style of initiating and informing because thats just how ENFPs are (idea generation and getting people excited about something), even when they are in charge of a company.
3. The ESTJ is directing and initiating. The ISTJ is directing and responding. The ESTJ is IN CHARGE and the ISTJ is CHART THE COURSE. They can both be CEO's, heads of a family and president of the USA. However, they both wont identify with the IN CHARGE interaction style, because the ISTJ is RESPONDING, while the ESTJ is INITIATING.
Im not making a politically incorrect remark about ISTJs inability to be in charge of things, because, to be honest, sometimes there are "things" that are better "run" by CHART THE COURSE people (INFJ, ISTJ, ISTP, INTJ).
4. As you point out, your dad was not an extrovert and reserved. Red seems to be initiating.