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  1. #31
    Member princessleia1982's Avatar
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    If you were hurt by someone that you were dating...(as an ESFJ), what would win you back? Explain in terms of any situation ...something major or minor and assume you still love them.

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    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    He definitely sounds SF to me.

    For our 3-month anniversary, I put together a little book for my BF, and on each page was listed something different that I liked about him.

    Most of those sound like things I would say, although he gives more aesthetic reasons than I would. However, some of that could be a man vs. woman difference. Some of the things he mentions sound SP, but others do sound SJ.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  3. #33
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by princessleia1982 View Post
    If you were hurt by someone that you were dating...(as an ESFJ), what would win you back? Explain in terms of any situation ...something major or minor and assume you still love them.
    It all depends on how i feel and how much i love them, lol.

    If lessons were learnt by both parties and both are aware of problems that need fixing in themselves then i'll give it another go
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #34
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by princessleia1982 View Post
    If you were hurt by someone that you were dating...(as an ESFJ), what would win you back? Explain in terms of any situation ...something major or minor and assume you still love them.
    That depends on so many different factors....

    I am going to be completely honest here about how I would likely feel if I were him. I'm sorry if it hurts you in the process but there may be a couple of things that will help you.

    You mentioned that your relationship ended because your friend died and you needed space and time to grieve over that on your own. That likely felt like a big rejection to him. ESFJ's are natural caretakers. One of the things we value in relationships is being there for one another to give comfort during hard times. The first time I told my boyfriend "I love you" was after his friend died and he came to me to confide in me and share his hurt with me. It made me feel so valued that he sought out my comfort. I was able to provide for him what I most loved to give and that made me feel so connected to him that I couldn't help but realize and admit that I loved him. On the flip side, though, if he had not come to me with those hurts looking for me to provide comfort, I would have been very hurt. Remember that ESFJ's tend to blame themselves for problems in a relationship. I would have probably been in agony for awhile, asking myself what I had done to make him feel like he couldn't trust me or like he wouldn't want to share his hurts with me. I don't mean to pour salt in your wound by explaining all this, but it could be that this is why your distance in the time of your pain hurt him so much. It may cause him to doubt that you would ever be able to have a relationship where you could share your pain and joy together mutually. Do you regret that you did this to him? If so, it might help to apologize for this and for how it may have made him feel. Also acknowledge to him that you understand why it hurt him and that he is justified in being hurt by it...if he is ESFJ this is important. I know that for myself and other ESFJ's I have talked to, it's important to us that our hurt is acknowledged and respected (not treated like we shouldn't feel that way).

    It's possible that he needs time to trust you again without any pressure of the relationship becoming romantic. You may have to somewhat "prove" to him that he is valuable to you as a person aside from a romantic interest. Make sure you aren't pushing him to get back into a relationship if he isn't ready because that may drive him farther away. He will feel torn between his hurt and his need for some healing and the pressure he naturally feels to make someone else happy.

    Also, don't make assumptions about him and the way he is feeling or what he's thinking without asking him. Let him know it's ok if he's honest with you about the way you made him feel. When he tells you, don't try to make excuses but just listen patiently or otherwise he won't feel the freedom to be honest. Take whatever he says at face value and don't try to analyze it or look for hidden meanings.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  5. #35
    A Benign Tumor PoprocksAndCoke's Avatar
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    Fictional ESFJs

    Lisa Cuddy
    Dean Winchester
    "In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present." -Francis Bacon

    "No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible." -George Chakiris

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