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  1. #21
    Member princessleia1982's Avatar
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    I will move on if there is ever a man to capture my heart the way he did. I am not going to waste my time otherwise. I want to be swept off my feet! :P Well nice to meet you all and I would love to hear stories about your lives and ways that you give and receive love. I am fascinated by ESFJ's and I would love to hear about your love lives...tell me about one or two of your past love relationships and what worked and didn't work? What drove you batty that they did or what did you simply adore that they did?

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    Enneagram: 4>9>6 ISP.
    Functions: Ne, Ti, Fe =excellent Si, Fi=good Te, Ni=limited Se=unused.
    My Temperament: Theorist >Catalyst>Stabilizer >Improviser
    Interacting Style: Get Things Going>In Charge>Chart the Course>Behind the Scenes
    Preferences: I like ESFJ's, & INFJ's.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Tyrant's Avatar
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    INTP | IEI - INFp

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by princessleia1982 View Post
    List famous ESFJ's. If you are an ESFJ, then post that too. I would like to study ESFJ's exclusively.
    http://socion2.narod.ru

  4. #24
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Speed Gavroche View Post
    Queen Elisabeth II
    Kanye West
    Uhhh Kanye is pretty hilariously Fi...he takes everything so personally. Most estimates that I've heard say ENFP, which makes sense.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  5. #25
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by princessleia1982 View Post
    I am fascinated by ESFJ's and I would love to hear about your love lives...tell me about one or two of your past love relationships and what worked and didn't work? What drove you batty that they did or what did you simply adore that they did?
    Lol .. You probably don't want to hear this however ..

    Relationship 1 - A 5 year disaster. Stayed with him for the children. Hoped he would change and become a better person. I gave up and walked away. The grass is greener sometimes. Lol

    Relationship 2 - A mess. I have been on the phone to him today. He admitted we should of split up in 2006. We seperated this year, his choice. I was waiting for him to join us (me and the kids) as although he was around (we were together 6 years), he was never really there. Just in body but not in spirit. It was a shame. Loved him tremendously and wanted to give him the world. Lot of built up resentment over the years due to lack of communication, but a lot of lessons learnt.

    I am aware i get with people who need fixing in some way and i don't want that anymore. Like attracts like so i am kind of hoping that being more comfortable in my own skin and liking myself as a human being, the person i next date/fall in love with will be more stable .. Here's hoping anyway
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  6. #26
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by princessleia1982 View Post
    I will move on if there is ever a man to capture my heart the way he did. I am not going to waste my time otherwise. I want to be swept off my feet! :P Well nice to meet you all and I would love to hear stories about your lives and ways that you give and receive love. I am fascinated by ESFJ's and I would love to hear about your love lives...tell me about one or two of your past love relationships and what worked and didn't work? What drove you batty that they did or what did you simply adore that they did?
    Hmmm, I'll take a stab at it.

    Ways that I give love
    I do what I can to take care of the other person. I call and make appointments for him, I bake him a cheesecake or fix dinner for him, in the summer I have gone by his house a few hours before he's scheduled to get home from a trip to turn on his air conditioning, I'll clean his house, etc. I like meeting needs, especially when it's something thoughtful that he wouldn't have even considered himself.

    I leave notes or send cards.

    I verbally express why I care about him and how much I appreciate him.

    I show loyalty to him by only seeking out his attention. I am careful not to talk negatively about him to others.

    I consistently look for ways to better our relationship.

    I leave notes or send cards.

    Ways that I receive love
    It's important for me to know that I am special to him in a unique way. I love it when he expresses that verbally to me. Little cards or notes mean so much to me.

    I love it when he texts me randomly in the middle of his day to say he loves me, or calls during a break at work to check on how my day is going.

    I love when he does things to take care of me, as well. I like knowing that he is looking out for me.

    It makes me feel loved when I feel like he is protecting me from hurt.

    I feel loved when he chooses to spend time with me rather over other things. I also feel loved when he involves me in his life and invites me to take part in whatever he is doing.

    Recreational companionship is important to me. I want to do things together...to enjoy shared interests. I want to feel like he and I are best friends.

    Holidays and occasions are important to me, and it makes me feel special when he understands that and tries to help me make them special. It's important to me that he remembers birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and does special things for me on those days. I also like him to be willing to participate in planned activities for Christmas, Thanksgiving, other holidays.

    It makes me feel loved when he makes a point to connect with people that I am close to. I appreciate it when he spends time talking to and getting to know my family and close friends.

    What drives me crazy
    Not having communication in a relationship frustrates the fool out of me. I need to know that he is being open and honest with me. I need to be kept aware of future plans that involve me. I need to know that I am a part of things and that I am kept in consideration when he makes plans that affect me. I need to stay informed.

    I need him to honor his commitments. If things may not go the way he says they will go, I need him to tell me that the plans are tentative. It drives me crazy to count on something and plan for something and then plans to change at the last minute.

    It drives me crazy if I know that he has talked about me behind my back. I want him to represent me in a positive light.

    It drives me crazy if he won't be obvious about the fact that he cares for me when we're in public. Nothing over the top...but he needs to talk to me when we're in public together and be willing to hold my hand at times. He needs to introduce me to other people when we run into them and just in general to show others that I am special to him.

    It drives me crazy when a guy assumes that I feel or think something without asking me. I also need him to try to take me at my word when I try to be honest with him.

    It drives me crazy when a guy won't commit to anything. I have such a need to have things decided upon so I can prepare myself for them. I hate non-committal answers. When possible I want things to be set in stone. It frustrates me to leave things open all the time.

    Other thoughts
    One of the hardest things for me about being in a relationship is being vulnerable. I guess this may be surprising since I am an extroverted feeler, but that's how it is. I can't say whether or not it's true of other ESFJ's.

    I have a hard time feeling like I'm high maintenance or too emotional at times, so I often try to keep my deepest emotions inside. I really appreciate someone who will draw me out of that and continually remind me that it's ok for me to express what I'm feeling, especially when I'm hurting about something. However, I also need someone that understands that it takes me time to get up the courage to do so because I worry so much about saying something that will hurt someone else. I need someone to be patient with this.

    I also often need time to think through my words before I express them. I have met other ESFJ's who say the same thing. I like to plan out what I am going to say so that I can minimize possible hurt and misunderstanding before beginning a serious conversation. My boyfriend will tell you that almost every serious talk I've initiated is one that I've warned him about days ahead of time. I'll say, "We need to talk about something." He knows it's coming and has to wait on me to come up with the words I'm going to say before we actually have the talk.

    Also I would add that while I appreciate a lot of affection in a relationship, I don't care for effusiveness. I want someone to be sentimental, but also practical. Picking me a flower from the side of the road means more to me than a dozen red roses. A walk in the park means more than a super fancy dinner out. I don't want someone to spend a lot of money on me...I just want thoughtfulness. A note that says, "I love you and I'm glad you let me be part of your life" means more to me than a long letter with poetic phrases.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  7. #27
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Wow .. You are so honest. I read this and had to walk away and just cry.
    I think for me, i am scared of showing someone the core of myself in case they don't like that they see yet i met an INxJ this weekend and get a text last night telling me i am beautiful and inspirational, but the person who i really wanted it from and waited 6 years to hear it .. i didn't get it.

    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    Ways that I give love
    I do what I can to take care of the other person. I call and make appointments for him, I bake him a cheesecake or fix dinner for him, in the summer I have gone by his house a few hours before he's scheduled to get home from a trip to turn on his air conditioning, I'll clean his house, etc. I like meeting needs, especially when it's something thoughtful that he wouldn't have even considered himself.

    I leave notes or send cards.Yes

    I verbally express why I care about him and how much I appreciate him.Yes

    I show loyalty to him by only seeking out his attention. I am careful not to talk negatively about him to others.Oh my gosh, yes

    I consistently look for ways to better our relationship.Yes and make it more fun and less serious

    Ways that I receive love
    It's important for me to know that I am special to him in a unique way. I love it when he expresses that verbally to me. Little cards or notes mean so much to me.*sigh* Yes

    I love it when he texts me randomly in the middle of his day to say he loves me, or calls during a break at work to check on how my day is going.Oh yeah

    I love when he does things to take care of me, as well. I like knowing that he is looking out for me.I would like that

    It makes me feel loved when I feel like he is protecting me from hurt.

    I feel loved when he chooses to spend time with me rather over other things. I also feel loved when he involves me in his life and invites me to take part in whatever he is doing.Yes

    Recreational companionship is important to me. I want to do things together...to enjoy shared interests. I want to feel like he and I are best friends.Yes, even after a fight. If he doesn't feel like a lover, he is still my friend until we get back to that place

    Holidays and occasions are important to me, and it makes me feel special when he understands that and tries to help me make them special. It's important to me that he remembers birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and does special things for me on those days. I also like him to be willing to participate in planned activities for Christmas, Thanksgiving, other holidays.Yes

    It makes me feel loved when he makes a point to connect with people that I am close to. I appreciate it when he spends time talking to and getting to know my family and close friends.That doesn't really bother me to much

    What drives me crazy
    Not having communication in a relationship frustrates the fool out of me. I need to know that he is being open and honest with me. I need to be kept aware of future plans that involve me. I need to know that I am a part of things and that I am kept in consideration when he makes plans that affect me. I need to stay informed.Yes

    I need him to honor his commitments. If things may not go the way he says they will go, I need him to tell me that the plans are tentative. It drives me crazy to count on something and plan for something and then plans to change at the last minute.Not really

    It drives me crazy if I know that he has talked about me behind my back. I want him to represent me in a positive light.That would be nice

    It drives me crazy if he won't be obvious about the fact that he cares for me when we're in public. Nothing over the top...but he needs to talk to me when we're in public together and be willing to hold my hand at times. He needs to introduce me to other people when we run into them and just in general to show others that I am special to him.Yes

    It drives me crazy when a guy assumes that I feel or think something without asking me. I also need him to try to take me at my word when I try to be honest with him.I hate it when someone becomes a mind reader. Ask me and I'll tell, please don't assume, lol

    Other thoughts
    One of the hardest things for me about being in a relationship is being vulnerable. I guess this may be surprising since I am an extroverted feeler, but that's how it is. I can't say whether or not it's true of other ESFJ's.
    I hate feeling vulnerable as i worry people may take advantage of my kindness or naivety

    I have a hard time feeling like I'm high maintenance or too emotional at times, so I often try to keep my deepest emotions inside. I really appreciate someone who will draw me out of that and continually remind me that it's OK for me to express what I'm feeling, especially when I'm hurting about something. However, I also need someone that understands that it takes me time to get up the courage to do so because I worry so much about saying something that will hurt someone else. I need someone to be patient with this.I keep my emotions inside and it would be nice if someone close could give me the time and patience to bring it to light instead of keeping it bottled up

    I also often need time to think through my words before I express them. I have met other ESFJ's who say the same thing. I like to plan out what I am going to say so that I can minimize possible hurt and misunderstanding before beginning a serious conversation. My boyfriend will tell you that almost every serious talk I've initiated is one that I've warned him about days ahead of time. I'll say, "We need to talk about something." He knows it's coming and has to wait on me to come up with the words I'm going to say before we actually have the talk.If i am upset or angry i can spit it out immediately. It is when i am sad, that i need time to work it out alone to find the right words

    Also I would add that while I appreciate a lot of affection in a relationship, I don't care for effusiveness. I want someone to be sentimental, but also practical. Picking me a flower from the side of the road means more to me than a dozen red roses. A walk in the park means more than a super fancy dinner out. I don't want someone to spend a lot of money on me...I just want thoughtfulness. A note that says, "I love you and I'm glad you let me be part of your life" means more to me than a long letter with poetic phrases.I totally agree, let it be practical, i don't need lots of fuss
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  8. #28
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou
    If i am upset or angry i can spit it out immediately. It is when i am sad, that i need time to work it out alone to find the right words
    I am the same way. I can give a sharp word when I am irritated, but when things hurt me way down deep it takes a lot of courage and some time to be able to talk about it.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  9. #29
    Member princessleia1982's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Lol .. You probably don't want to hear this however ..

    Relationship 1 - A 5 year disaster. Stayed with him for the children. Hoped he would change and become a better person. I gave up and walked away. The grass is greener sometimes. Lol

    Relationship 2 - A mess. I have been on the phone to him today. He admitted we should of split up in 2006. We seperated this year, his choice. I was waiting for him to join us (me and the kids) as although he was around (we were together 6 years), he was never really there. Just in body but not in spirit. It was a shame. Loved him tremendously and wanted to give him the world. Lot of built up resentment over the years due to lack of communication, but a lot of lessons learnt.

    I am aware i get with people who need fixing in some way and i don't want that anymore. Like attracts like so i am kind of hoping that being more comfortable in my own skin and liking myself as a human being, the person i next date/fall in love with will be more stable .. Here's hoping anyway
    Thank you for being bold enough to share that. I want to hear all about it when you meet that stable lover too.

    MBTI
    : ENTP (Ne,Ti, Fe, Si)
    Enneagram: 4>9>6 ISP.
    Functions: Ne, Ti, Fe =excellent Si, Fi=good Te, Ni=limited Se=unused.
    My Temperament: Theorist >Catalyst>Stabilizer >Improviser
    Interacting Style: Get Things Going>In Charge>Chart the Course>Behind the Scenes
    Preferences: I like ESFJ's, & INFJ's.

  10. #30
    Member princessleia1982's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    Hmmm, I'll take a stab at it.

    Ways that I give love


    I leave notes or send cards.

    I verbally express why I care about him and how much I appreciate him.
    My ex, the ESFJ, Aaron, wrote me a little note one day when I was insecure about his feelings towards me. Tell me if this is something you might write... It was delivered to me through my email and I printed it out because it meant so much. It says the date was 5/19/2006. It reads as follows:

    What I love about her:

    I love how engaging her mind is
    I love how we communicate and understand each other without being able to make a complete sentence that makes sense
    I love how she loves to spend time with me
    I love how she lets me hold onto her and smiles the way she does
    I love to be there and comfort her when she is afraid and insecure
    I love how nave to the world she can be
    I love that she isn't bound by time
    I love that sense of neediness she has about her it lets me know how wanted I am.
    I love how free she is
    I love the fact that she has been where I have been in life and can relate to me
    I love that I can love her without end no matter what is going on
    I love all her little quirky things she does
    I love it that she can be so goofy and relaxing to me
    I love the fact that no matter how bad things get and whether I show it or not she always cheers me up.
    I love the fact that I can never stay mad at her
    I love to just stare at her as if there is no tommorrow and I hated that I had to work cause I couldn't do that all the time
    I love her white skin, it's innocent pure.
    I love how she is always going on with some random new philosophy makes me think and I like that.
    I love the bumps on her arms it gives the texture to the master piece
    I love her big gorgeous sapphire blue eyes shhh! I gave that one to her ;-)
    I love her petite body and how naturally beautiful she is
    I love the fact that she isn't your run of the mill 36 25 34 girl
    gets embarrassed I love the fact that she doesn't have large breast (found out through a study that most people think girls with large breast are dumb) It is so beautiful to me that she is who she is
    I love the fact that she is the most gorgeous girl in the world and doesn't even try
    I love that she can be like Supergirl one minute and Plain Jane the next
    I love the fact that I can't distinguish between the two
    I love how beautiful her voice is when she is singing
    I love how cute her voice is when she talks
    I think it's really sexy when she gets an attitude with me
    I love it when she obeys authority...turns me on.
    I love her legs and how shy they are no matter what her face says
    She has the most gorgeous smile and cheekbones I have ever seen
    I love how her hair turns red in the sunlight
    I love how easy she is to read and never letting on that I always knew
    I love how unique she is and always keeping on my toes
    I love the fact that I never got bored with her
    I love the fact that she was never once boring to me
    I love how she says yes sir to me when submitting to my wishes
    I love that she likes to do things like go feed the ducks and stare at the ocean or off in the distance
    I love that we would watch people and make little side comments about them and tell each other and it'd be like oh my gosh I was thinking that exact same thing.
    I love that we completed each other's thoughts, sentences, and sometimes communicated without ever speaking.
    I love how free I was allowed to be myself around her (though I never fully let go L)
    I love how much she depended on me to do things for her
    I love how much we shared
    I love that face she makes when she thinks something is so precious and that voice she does. (I often did the same thing back to her and she said it's not cute when came from me I was doing it to show off I was doing it to prompt her to do it again cause I loved to see that.)
    I love how knowledgeable and insightful she can be.
    I loved how open she was about her fears and insecurities
    I loved how I learned her so that when she said something or never said anything I knew what she meant by it.
    I loved the way she bit her lip and just gazed at me
    I loved it when we kissed that we couldn't keep our eyes closed so we passionately starred into each other's eyes cause we were afraid we were going to miss something.
    I love it that I love her so much that I'm not going to give up on having such a precious gift.
    I love that we can just enjoy each others company and not do anything
    I love that we can be studying the same thing and enjoy learning it together
    I loved the fact that she was so sensual and sexual
    I love how adventurous she is
    I love how determined, strong willed, and submissive she is
    I love how she always pushed me to be my all
    I love having just her and no earthly possessions and being perfectly happy
    I love how she moves
    I love helping her and seeing her let the hurt from her past go
    I love the fact she won't give up on her dreams and would rather die trying than to throw the towel in.
    I love the fantasies she got me involved with and wanted to play out ^_^
    I love how she isn't afraid to show her true self even picking her nose in public
    I love how comfortable we were with each other
    I love her eyebrows and how natural they are
    I love that she wants to go and do intellectual things
    I love that the party scene is not her thing
    I adore her personality
    I enjoy her getting feisty at times
    I love how childlike yet so mature she can be
    I love always doing something new and exciting

    MBTI
    : ENTP (Ne,Ti, Fe, Si)
    Enneagram: 4>9>6 ISP.
    Functions: Ne, Ti, Fe =excellent Si, Fi=good Te, Ni=limited Se=unused.
    My Temperament: Theorist >Catalyst>Stabilizer >Improviser
    Interacting Style: Get Things Going>In Charge>Chart the Course>Behind the Scenes
    Preferences: I like ESFJ's, & INFJ's.

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