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Thread: Daughter of Two Moms ‘Comes Out’ Against Gay Marriage

  1. #1

    Default Daughter of Two Moms ‘Comes Out’ Against Gay Marriage

    So I’m going to try my hand at doing a thread. Hope I don't screw it up.

    Just saw this clip about Heather Barwick a few minutes ago. We haven’t heard enough about gay marriage, right? This chick seems to have unresolved issues with the two moms who raised her, among other things. Naturally certain paranoid religious/right wing types view her as a hero for overcoming whatever “indoctrination” she was subjected to in her "perverted" upbringing.

    Personally, I favored gay marriage (the right of any two consenting adults to marry or do whatever the hell they want) before it was cool to.

    A South Carolina woman’s new essay about being raised by her lesbian mom contains a surprising revelation: she opposes marriage equality.
    “Gay community, I am your daughter. My mom raised me with her same-sex partner back in the ’80s and ’90s,” writes Heather Barwick, a 31-year-old mother of four, in The Federalist. “I’m writing to you because I’m letting myself out of the closet: I don’t support gay marriage. But it might not be for the reasons that you think. It’s not because you’re gay. I love you, so much. It’s because of the nature of the same-sex relationship itself.”

    STORY: The Controversial ‘Heather Has Two Mommies Is Back,’ 25 Years Later
    Barwick, who also recently shared her story with the Christian publication World — and who signed onto a letter of support to designers Dolce & Gabbana following their controversial statements regarding gay and lesbian parents — would not speak with Yahoo Parenting. She replied to an interview request with the following message: “At the moment I’m unable to do an interview or further commenting on my letter.”

  2. #2
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    Having two mums, instead of a mum and a dad, could easily lead to identity crises and poor self-esteem in the child if she is naturally image/identity-conscious, no matter how loving the parents are. The children of taboo sexual unions often feel left out, and resentful of their parents' decisions. Gender ideologues don't really seem to care about that, at best they see leverage to whine about racism, sexism, or whatever other -ism makes them nauseous..

    Another thing to consider is that two women are not going to raise a child in the same way that a man and a woman would. I do believe that it is very important for a child's development to have male and female influences at home, as this means they will experience divergent parenting styles. It is not a secret that women who lack a strong male role model in their childhood often struggle as adults, and look for a substitute father figure in their mate.

    What I find so ironic about the situation is that heterosexual women are doing everything they can to avoid a pregnancy, while lesbian women are quite the opposite.

  3. #3


    In her essay, she explains that when she was 2 or 3, her mother, who already knew that she was gay, left Barwick’s father to have a relationship with a woman. “Her partner treated me as if I was her own daughter,” she writes. “Along with my mom’s partner, I also inherited her tight-knit community of gay and lesbian friends.” Her father, meanwhile, “wasn’t a great guy,” and “didn’t bother coming around anymore.”

    As she grew up with her loving mom and stepmom, Barwick writes, her family taught her “how to be brave,” have “empathy,” “how to listen,” and “how to stand up for myself, even if that means I stand alone.” And for a while — into her 20s — that meant being an advocate for gay marriage. But now she’s had a change of heart.

    “Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not,” she writes. “A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.”
    I'd like to see the actual essay, but from the looks of this, Barwick has two great moms who gave her everything I got from my traditional parents. But like an adopted child, she feels that something vague and unidentifiable is missing from her life -- the grass is always greener, right? -- and has somehow come to the conclusion that keeping gay folks from marrying each other will result in less hurting. Even though her own moms weren't married. And that her dad "wasn't a great guy." (Anyone else read this as 'was a scumbag'?)

    Barwick was probably teased and/or bullied as a kid because of her two moms, which is a horrible shame.
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  4. #4
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    Barwick said she lived with her mother and her partner in a “very liberal and open-minded area” and was treated well by both women. She said her father, by contrast, “wasn’t a great guy.”

    Speaking directly to gays and lesbians, the 31-year-old married mother of four noted that she has learned so much from her lifelong experiences with the gay community: empathy, bravery, how to listen to others — and even how to dance.

    “You taught me not be afraid of things that are different,” Barwick wrote. “And you taught me how to stand up for myself, even if that means I stand alone.”

    Despite expressing her love for the gay community, Barwick said that she believes that there is “beauty and wisdom in traditional marriage and parenting,” which she observes in her own household.

    “Growing up, and even into my 20s, I supported and advocated for gay marriage,” Barwick wrote. “It’s only with some time and distance from my childhood that I’m able to reflect on my experiences and recognize the long-term consequences that same-sex parenting had on me.”
    She goes on in the article to explain that further, I'm not quoting the whole thing due to the annotation rules....

    Then of course we get to this:

    Read Barwick’s op-ed here. Her story was also recently covered by World Magazine as well, with Barwick telling the outlet that she was able to find healing over her “father wound” after she started attending church.

    “It really wasn’t until I came to Christ that I felt that burden lifted off of me,” she said. “And I’m not bitter. I’m not angry. I forgive my dad.”
    Yeah. So now the whole thing is muddied for me again.... I can say she WAS hurting due to her daddy issues, but.... how much of it is daddy? how much of it is two lesbian moms who apparently still gave her the world, since chances are her life was better with them than with dear old dad even by her own admission? Would it have been different if she had never "officially" had a dad (versus just a bad one, and with her lesbian mom leaving him, thus "taking way something from her") etc. And she apparently dove headfirst into religion at some point, and those kinds of conversion experiences often result in these kinds of declarations.

    And World Magazine? They made the news a year ago when they decided that they would not discriminate against gay hires and would provide benefits to gay spouses, and then within two days when three zillion conservative churches threatened to dump all their funding for their ministry, they back-pedaled like mad and apparently have been toeing the line ever since.

    The reality is that I do not know her experience intimately like she does, nor enough data to evaluate it. Also, she's not saying anything that the conservative churches haven't already been pushing for years -- she's just one of those perfect mouthpieces for them, since she had two lesbian moms, and they're essentially making her into their current poster child. So I feel bad for her, because now the media will go through every inch of her life + keep tabs on her, and if she ever changes her mind, or if she gets divorced, or some other change in her life that should remain private, it will become public because she's let herself get in the middle of this media event.


    here's the essay.
    Dear Gay Community: Your Kids Are Hurting

    This will be a fun Easter for her family. Oh dear.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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  5. #5
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Array Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    What a mental crisis
    I don't want to live on this planet anymore *sigh*
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  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by Kullervo View Post
    Gender ideologues
    I get called that a lot.

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    Quote Originally Posted by nos4a2 View Post
    I get called that a lot.
    Mmm. I wonder why.
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  8. #8
    eating bugs out of hair. Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    i'm sorry but i doubt two mom's is why she is the way she is, if anything it's the dad not being their. I'm not sure, i don't care right now, i wonder if she's pro or anti being raised by wolves. and doesn't every person go through a phase of my parents fucked me up blah blah blah blah?
    by @magpie

  9. #9


    "I lost my father for reasons entirely unconnected to gay marriage, therefore I oppose gay marriage"? Slow clap.
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  10. #10


    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    i wonder if she's pro or anti being raised by wolves.
    I’d love to be able to tell people I was raised by wolves. That would be really cool.
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