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  1. #1

    Question Should white mom be paid for brown baby mistake?

    Should white mom be paid for brown baby mistake?

    What is the price of being forced to raise a brown baby?
    It's an unusual question, arising from an unusual lawsuit prompted by an insemination gone wrong. And it has set off an extraordinary discussion touching on sensitive issues of race, motherhood, sexuality and justice, though the debate begins with one basic premise: You should get what you pay for.
    Jennifer Cramblett and her wife, Amanda Zinkon, wanted a white baby. They went to the Midwest Sperm Bank near Chicago and chose blond, blue-eyed donor No. 380, who looked like he could have been related to Zinkon. When Cramblett was five months pregnant, they found out that she had been inseminated by donor No. 330 — a black man.
    "They're saying, we asked for something, you gave us something different, and now we have to adjust to that."
    That "adjustment" is a major justification for Cramblett's lawsuit. It cites the stress and anxiety of raising a brown girl in predominantly white Uniontown, Ohio, which Cramblett describes as intolerant. Some of her own family members have unconscious racial biases, the lawsuit says.
    Mullen agrees that a company should be held liable for promising one thing and doing another. But she thinks the fact Cramblett waited more than two years to sue indicates that the experience of raising a black child is her real problem.
    "When you say this is too hard, I didn't deserve this, this is too much for me to handle, then the child internalizes it and it affects their self-esteem," she says. "It's my job to pour self-esteem into my daughter, not tear it down."
    "White people who aren't affiliated with black people don't necessarily understand the challenges that black people face in all facets of their life. This couple wasn't expecting that, and now they have to deal with it," says Rachel Dube, who owns a youth sports business in New York.
    "She didn't ask for a biracial baby. She was given one, she loves it, she adores it, now she's facing challenges and admits it. That doesn't make her a racist," Dube says.
    "You can't fault her for what she was not exposed to," she says. "Her only obligation is to love and raise her child in the best environment possible. And if the money will help her do that, then good for her."
    The deliberately provocative headline irks me, for the record. Apart from that, what do you think the implications are for this controversy... personally, socially, legally, culturally etc.? Should these parents sue? (How) Will this issue impact the child?
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  2. #2
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I don't know about the kid in question, but if I grew up and learned that my mom sued someone because I wasn't white I don't think that I'd really think that much of her anymore

    yes, yes, she bought something and it wasn't what she was expecting, but this is a person that we're talking about... her fucking daughter, and she's going to make a big deal about it? there's a difference between buying a pair of shoes and they're not the perfect shade to go with your dress and getting all pissy about a person's skin tone... people are more complicated than shoes... they have feelings and all that.
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett
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  3. #3
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    My thoughts:


    1. Purely from a business perspective, they have grounds to sue because the company did not fulfill the terms of the arrangement -- the company erred on its end. However, this is a lot different than just "I ordered Value Meal 6 and you gave me Value Meal 4 instead." This is their daughter. So even if they have true business right to sue, they need to be thinking how their daughter will take that when she's old enough to grasp what they did. I think that should play a large factor; they have to preserve her self-esteem and feeling loved by her parents.


    2. It's their daughter. You don't know what kind of kid you are getting in terms of personality, although granted race is a little more predictable; but still, your kid is who your kid is and you love them regardless as a parent. To make such a big issue on the race card sounds more like they are rejecting their daughter. Yet, people have also apparently been real a-holes about it:

    Strangers have asked Mullen why she didn't adopt a white baby. One remarked in front of her white then-husband that Mullen must have cheated with a black man. Too many white people to count have pawed her daughter's hair.
    I have an Asian child although we're both white. We haven't gotten nearly as much flak as this situation, but we did get some... or just some really clueless/rude comments.


    3. As far as them "not being racist," well, they were fine living there until they had a black baby. Suddenly now that they are looked at as potential outsiders because they have a black baby, they have an issue with it to the degree of wanting to sue? I wouldn't feel comfortable living in a racist area regardless and would look at this AS an excuse to get the hell out of there. And if it's family giving them crap because all they see is a "black baby," then screw them -- they aren't "family" anymore in the ways that matter. Put people in your child's life who will love her for who she is, regardless, and who see her heritage as unique and special rather than a detriment.


    4. And that's the rub -- most parents are like, "This is our daughter, and we will do whatever is in our power to protect and nourish here. If these jerks can't deal with our daughter, then screw them. We'll take her someplace where she is safe, regardless of the hardship or whether we personally want to move." All parents go through this kind of thing to some degree. As an extreme example, I didn't know I would have a child with cystic fibrosis, but I did, and we just deal with it. It's what parents do.


    If they don't have the money to move effectively and are suing to get the money to create a better place for their child, then fine. But it's difficult to weigh all that from the article.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #4
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    it's so much more complicated than we know. it's so easy to be like yes or no because we are not in the situation. I can't have an opininion on this at least not a full one. Racism exists it just does so does homophobia so it's one thing for the kid to have to deal with homophobic kids and parents but it will be worse for her because she's a different race. people aren't kind, they pretend to be but when it comes down to actually being different people are dickholes, that's just a fact. so yeah I guess the argument could be it's gonna fuck with her. But I think they do care and that's why they're doing it, because people are gonna notice that she's a different race and it's gonna be a huge thing and to add to that she has two moms. in an ideal world this wouldn't be an issue, but the fact is it is. If they can sue and get money to move to a more culturally diverse and accepting neighborhood they should. I don't think it's about not wanting the child (maybe it is) but being able to raise the child in an enviroment that she is less likely to be bullied in based on her background. No one's gonna agree with me, which is fine.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #5
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I'm just thinking about the reactions of a few people that I know when they found out that their parents hadn't wanted them... and one of those people had good parents who loved him, he'd just figured out that he wasn't planned like his brother was and was an accident who threw his mom's career off... they were (and in most cases still are) still messed up over the whole thing

    finding out that your parents SUED over you not being what was expected... I can't really imagine that being much better...
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett
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    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Well now it's put in the news... daughter grows up... googles name... finds news article... drama ensues. These parents...

  7. #7
    Google "chemtrails" Bush Did 9/11's Avatar
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    What a God damned terrible headline. Sensationalism ruins lives.

    They asked for a specific donor, and they got another donor instead. That donor happened to be black.

    Just repeating what's been said above but more emphatically.
    J. Scott Crothers
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    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I'm going to skip ranting about the race angle, it's too obvious. Ugh, these are the concerns when having a child becomes a consumerist transaction with a child being the purchase. It highlights, also, how it's not normal to have any stake in society outside of your own interests.

  9. #9
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    The mother mentioned she needed the money to move to a less racist location. I'm confident that her daughter would understand her reasons for the lawsuit. But then, maybe not. In any case, she does deserve a compensation. Her body, her rules, right? Social justice warriors seemed to (conveniently) forget the mantra when that happened.

  10. #10
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    why wait 2 years then?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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