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View Poll Results: Do you believe rape culture exists?

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  • Yes

    47 72.31%
  • No

    18 27.69%
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  1. #441
    Assassin from the future Qloshae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beorn View Post
    It's not about thinking I'm a rapist. It's about trust. And even though the risk might be extremely low the cost of being wrong is high enough for me to not be offended for her not trusting me as long as she's not overtly rude about it.
    What do you class as "rude about it"?
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  2. #442
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    I believe it does, yes.

    I also think it would be extremely helpful if a set of rules or guidelines on acceptable conduct toward women could be universally agreed upon.
    Not possible. All people are different. What one woman sees as totally acceptable social interaction, another sees as a threat. This makes it impossible for men to know where the boundaries are. Some men are like Disco Biscuit and have a "fuck you" attitude. My approach is to just avoid interacting with female strangers unless I have a specific reason (like she's working at the checkout register at a grocery store). I'd rather avoid the unpleasantness of being viewed as "creepy", so I avoid even eye contact (you never know how someone will interpret a glance).
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  3. #443
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    It's true that this is a very individual thing. And with that in mind, it would seem that the only 'rule' one can adhere to is to expect nothing, be attentive to signs of discomfort from the other party and respect their answers. In essence, it's about taking the time to figure out how you two are going to relate to each other.

    Asking a question or acknowledging each others presence is part of interacting as a social species, so I doubt that that would be considered a problem as long as one gets to decline the invitation.

    ... unless of course by looking, one means staring which is considered rude across the board by just about all mammals. Blinking helps, as does taking a small break from looking by shifting your gaze for an instant. Then there is checking your body language to see how relaxed it is. Dominant and goal-oriented body language tends to betray a goal and mission - potentially including an attack, but almost certainly indicating a desire that may involve you if their focus is on you.

    It's one of the things I actually teach cat owners who need to get their pet to the vet - the animal reads them like a book and runs like a maniac because of the fact that the owner is basically screaming at them that they're going to catch them with that body language. You're basically telling the cat 'I'm going to do something to you' by being that goal oriented. Consciously relaxing your body language and focusing on your bond with the cat in that moment instead of on the 'I have 10 minutes to get them there.' tends to get you way further.

    The same is true within the human species when interacting with strangers. Curiosity and attentiveness, coupled with relaxed and casual body movements tend to communicate non-threatening demeanour, whereas goal-oriented staring tends to reduce the other person to a means to an end. It is typically characterised by a tense, alert body, fixating eyes and positioning in the environment - aka cutting off escape routes.
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  4. #444
    Assassin from the future Qloshae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    Not possible. All people are different. What one woman sees as totally acceptable social interaction, another sees as a threat. This makes it impossible for men to know where the boundaries are. Some men are like Disco Biscuit and have a "fuck you" attitude. My approach is to just avoid interacting with female strangers unless I have a specific reason (like she's working at the checkout register at a grocery store). I'd rather avoid the unpleasantness of being viewed as "creepy", so I avoid even eye contact (you never know how someone will interpret a glance).
    Hah, reminds me of me a bit.
    I even have issues talking to class mates (male or female) if I have no direct and justifiable reason to talk to just them.
    Not that I don't want to talk to them or that I never do, I just have really really thick boundaries.
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  5. #445
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qloshae View Post
    Hah, reminds me of me a bit.
    I even have issues talking to class mates (male or female) if I have no direct and justifiable reason to talk to just them.
    Not that I don't want to talk to them or that I never do, I just have really really thick boundaries.
    I used to be more open with strangers, but I've distanced myself from that over the years (my poor hearing probably has something to do with that). Fortunately for me, I'm married so I don't have a need to expose myself to the judgments of strangers most of the time.

    Why do people feel the need to comment on the food I'm buying at grocery stores? A few days ago my wife and I were grocery shopping and the woman checking us out asked if I was cooking something that night. I ignored the question because it's none of her business. Apparently that was rude because the woman made a snide comment about my lack of response several seconds later. She clearly felt entitled to a response from me.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  6. #446
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    LOL, people crack me up sometimes. Cooking something tonight? No, I think I'll just wait for the atoms in the food to absorb into my body through osmosis.

    "So, I see you've got food in your cart. I guess you'll be putting some of that food into your face hole later and smashing it with your teeth until it's a paste you can swallow, huh?... Too good to answer me, eh? Well, fuck you too buddy!"

  7. #447
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    If someone said that to me, I'd probably laugh (if I could hear it).

    My issue comes more from people noticing at all the things I'm buying. Some people just go through the motions, not really paying attention to what you're buying. The people who comment are clearly paying attention to what you're buying. It makes me uncomfortable in a similar way to the whole NSA spying thing.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  8. #448
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I'd just tell her that cooking is for after I've eaten all the snacks which don't require cooking. So not tonight.

  9. #449
    Assassin from the future Qloshae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    I used to be more open with strangers, but I've distanced myself from that over the years (my poor hearing probably has something to do with that). Fortunately for me, I'm married so I don't have a need to expose myself to the judgments of strangers most of the time.

    Why do people feel the need to comment on the food I'm buying at grocery stores? A few days ago my wife and I were grocery shopping and the woman checking us out asked if I was cooking something that night. I ignored the question because it's none of her business. Apparently that was rude because the woman made a snide comment about my lack of response several seconds later. She clearly felt entitled to a response from me.
    Should have said, "no, this is for the dog". :P

    On a serious note tho, no one ever asks me such questions, I think I might be too far into my head for people to feel comfortable asking questions. When people actually do ask questions tho I tend to be so polite that they forget that they should be pushy like when I moved out and a branch of the government called, asking if I had a TV - usually they interrogate people if they say no as you would need to pay a certain tax if you actually have a TV and many pretend like they don't have one, the one who called me however just replied "well... have a great weekend" and then hung up and no one called me back about it.

    Moving this more on topic tho, do you happen to live in the US? Because from what I've understood, the US is far far far behind in equality on both sides. I don't think many in Sweden would be shocked about a man cooking... tho maybe surprised if a woman was fixing the car (a bit ironic that we are more open to men doing what women stereotypically do, but are astonished when a woman does what a man stereotypically does). Tho that I suppose is part of the aggressive feminism in Sweden, "men should try doing what women do, but women shouldn't get their hands dirty". The Swedish feminism is bound to get a major reaction sooner or later (demanding a lot from men, but nothing from women).

    It's not feminism if you ignore, discriminate or silence half the population, yet that is where the world is at.
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  10. #450
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    You've never had people comment? Men and non-white women pretty much never do, but white women comment more often than not. I live in the US, but I don't think people are commenting because the idea of a man cooking is weird.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

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