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Thread: The over protected kid

  1. #11
    Meat Tornado Array DiscoBiscuit's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    I'm specifically interested in how the millennials here think this style of parenting has effected their generation.
    Your representative owes you, not his industry only, but his judgment; and he betrays, instead of serving you, if he sacrifices it to your opinion.
    - Edmund Burke

    8w9 sx/so

  2. #12
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
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    ^^ There are certain traits associated with Millennials or at least the stereotypes...and wondering if any of that might be connected.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #13
    Freaking Ratchet Array Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Jun 2010


    Hah, I grew up poor in an area with lots of grass. My little friends and I practically used part of the neighborhood to play hide-and-seek, kick-ball, water fights (as in using water hoses and shooting each other with it at worse, and filling waterguns as quickly as possible at best.) It was magnificent. A few of the kids would sneak into developing houses and walk up the second floor. We would play in those developments like they were nothing. We would climb poles as tall as a two-story building playing things like pole-tag (our little variant of shadow-tag and just... regular tag.) At the local park (like not even a minute from my house) we would do some crazy stuff with the monkey-bars; if I were to do some of the stuff I did as a kid now, my arms would hurt really badly (it would be akin to doing some gymnastics.) Most afternoons, the most supervision that we had were of parents being inside the houses looking every so often and/or telling us to go back home because the sun is down or that is was time to eat dinner.

    Sadly, times has changed dramatically from elementary school to middle school. It seemed like it is frowned upon these days if parents were to allow children to run around unattended even for a moment, or that the kids were up to no good for doing so. But there IS an inherent fear of being the parents or the adult that is suppose to be looking after children. It is probably because, when we were kids, we weren't as afraid of the consequences as we are today.

    In all honesty, I think it has gotten more stuffy, unless you live in an environment where a parent isn't able to watch you 24/7.

  4. #14
    Boaty McBoatface Array SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Feb 2012
    1w2 so/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    I'm specifically interested in how the millennials here think this style of parenting has effected their generation.
    I'm guessing it screwed us up. I think I was fairly fortunate though. Both my parents and the parents of my friends were willing to let us go out together and ride our bikes, explore/get lost, shoot trash off the tops of fences with slingshots, and other things of that nature.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  5. #15
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Array Cellmold's Avatar
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    Mar 2012


    My parents were the opposite, desperate to impart self-sufficiency on us. Unfortunately they soon realised as we grew up, hitting our teens towards the thousands, that the economic environment not to mention that we were both almost unemployable in attitude and personality, meant that their dream of an empty house by mid 50's was dead and dusted.

    My brother has left finally with his wife and kids, but I'm still here, (working fortunately), and my brother might even be back since both he and his wife work at a local hospital about to go under financially, but that's only speculation at this point.

    New tactics have been adopted though, my mum in particular is frantically trying to urge me into some kind of a relationship, with constant mentions of "going out there and finding someone". Perhaps she saw my brother and realised that was the way to get us settled. My dad isn't so bothered, like me he is pragmatic in his thinking, he knows as I do that there is a dangerously high chance of me becoming a roaming bum after they die and it's something we both think about.

    More to the point, they constantly urged me to explore and get out in the world, it was me who made that difficult as a child. Unnecessarily clingy and often violent to others with Little provocation, they soon realised they had a dud here. But they are dutiful and their own moral indoctrination was strong, so they stuck by this neurotic monstrosity they had spawned.

    They both climb and are fairly outdoor types, so wonderfully my brother and I were subjected to some lovely camping and walking trips. Unfortunately I was never keen on climbing and until I was around 12-13 and they were forced to keep an eye on me. Their club members also didn't appreciate this whiney, violent little fuck-up either and often made sure I knew.

    Frankly I don't know what they could have done differently, as far as I can tell apart from a few temper tantrums from dad, there wasn't much they did to create what I am today, it seems I was fucked from the start, I feel sorry for my parents, they didn't deserve me and those years of stress. Maybe I am an exception but there was no helicoptering in my upbringing, just a great deal of very patient and supportive parents, who just wanted me to learn for myself and get out in the world.

    However I rejected them in their task. I know they would have been so much happier with an outgoing physical type of person. The only consolation is that the idea of multiple universes, means that I can imagine somewhere they got the child they deserved.
    "An upsidedown wire heart
    Being sucked into a periscope
    Still the mind is dull
    Like you need another excuse"

    … a theory is primarily a form of insight, i.e. a way of looking
    at the world, and not a form of knowledge of how the world is….
    .. all our different ways of thinking are to be considered as
    different ways of looking at the one reality, each with some
    domain in which it is clear and adequate….
    - David Bohm

  6. #16
    pathwise dependent Array FDG's Avatar
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    Aug 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Snoopy22 View Post
    It strikes me that the job market plays a big role on kids not living on their own. I was living on my own at 17 (born in 64) during the Carter years, there were few jobs, but the services hired and you could squeak by on $140 a month.
    Yeah, I believe that's a pretty big factor.

    Anyway, I was born in 1986 and I lived in a rural area for the first 20 years of my life. My parents mostly let me do whatever I wanted, considering that I was a fairly well-behaved kid. I'm still not sure if this has served me well, since they were unable to give me any sort of guidance regarding my preferred life path. Basically, I believe my "starting" personality was set right since I was fairly small.

    Coming from a rural background, I met (at the uni and at work) many middle-class city guys, and I'm still not sure if my rural background has served me well or not. Compared to them, I'm extremely practical and I more business-minded, but I don't fit that well in a corporate culture.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #17
    Senior Member Array Dannik's Avatar
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    Dec 2013


    i had an idyllic childhood.
    full of pool-parties and friends and skiing and video-games.

    we moved every couple years:
    but i always quickly wanted to leave my old school behind,
    because i was a big nerd, and leaving my schools was a huge relief.
    i was born in 1986

  8. #18
    Alchemist of life Array Coriolis's Avatar
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    Apr 2010
    5w6 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    You pretty much can't win. If you let your kid play outside without you, people will call CPS on you. If you go outside with them all the time, you can't get anything done. The only way to get anything done and keep from having CPS called on you is to keep them inside and that generally means electronic babysitters. And everyone knows how bad that is.
    This about says it all. Somehow a sense of alarmism has crept into society on all levels, no doubt due to the increase in lawsuits. When we started holding people legally liable for things they could not have reasonably anticipated or prevented, we set the stage for all this. There is a difference between actual negligence, and just happening to own property that was involved in an accident. We need to stop holding A responsible for the actions of B just because A has deeper pockets.

    If a 10-year-old lit a fire at an American playground, someone would call the police and the kid would be taken for counseling.
    Parents would be on the hook as well, even if the kid kept the fire well under control and no one/nothing was hurt. More putting process ahead of results. I especially agree with the part about children always being under adult supervision. I didn't do particularly risky things as a kid, but I did spend lots of time on my own. By the age of 11-12, I used to ride my bike to the library and browse the stacks for hours, before choosing a few books to take home. At 13, some friends and I took our bikes to the local zoo on occasion. I would tell my parents when I would be home, and roughly where I was going, and that was that.

    Although the playworkers almost never stop the kids from what they’re doing, before the playground had even opened they’d filled binders with “risk benefits assessments” for nearly every activity.
    This is part of the problem, too: excess bureaucracy. Red tape and administrative hurdles discourage (intentionally?) people from implementing things that aren't exactly illegal, just require too many approvals. All talk, (or in this case, writing) -- no action.

    As the article mentions, there are pockets of sanity. I went to a Mabon circle several years ago, held in the fellowship hall of a Unitarian church. Participants sat around a large circle made of fallen leaves arranged on the tile floor. At one point, everyone - even children as young as 4 or 5 - was given a small lit candle. It was magical. Sure enough, someone dropped a candle into the leaves, and some started to burn. An adult simply stood up, stomped it quickly out, sat back down, and we carried on. No drama, no alarms, no damage/injury, no problem.
    Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it. We should remove the carrot and walk forward with our eyes open. -- Raistlin Majere

  9. #19
    Senior Member Array Lateralus's Avatar
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    May 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    This about says it all. Somehow a sense of alarmism has crept into society on all levels, no doubt due to the increase in lawsuits.
    I don't think the cause is lawsuits. I think the cause is the fact that our lives as so comfortable, coupled with the fact that serious child injuries/deaths are incredibly rare and random. They're out of our control and humans have this habit of overestimating the risk of things we can't control (like terrorism) and underestimating the risk of things we can control (like automobile accidents). One of the most dangerous things people do every day is drive, but we don't think twice about it, while some people are terrified of things like terrorism and flying. In some ways, it's an innate flaw in our psychology.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  10. #20
    ¿trap queen? Array chickpea's Avatar
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    Sep 2009
    4w5 sx/sp


    I was born in 1991, I actually had a lot of freedom as a kid. I don't remember what rules I had besides be home before dark and don't talk to strangers. Maybe there was some landmark I wasn't supposed to go further than, but I remember going all over the place, playing with other kids in the neighborhood, biking, roller blading etc. Nothing ever remotely dangerous happened, but I also wasn't living in an urban environment. I also was able to stay home alone at a younger than average age. I was pretty precocious though.

    Actually a ridiculous amount of childhood stories about me involving me getting lost from my mom and ending up fine. Either I wasn't being protected enough or I was just a wild child lol.

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