I agree that the issue comes from both sides.. The worst is that the people trying to hard to be politically correct and righteous about the issues are fueling the fires they're trying to extinguish.
I got into a facebook war (unintentionally, I swear this time...) with a guy where--yeah, I sort of agreed with where he was getting at--but the WAY he did it was just so pretentiously righteous that the issue HAD to immediately resort to being a bigger issue than it ever should have been.
The simple situation: He was offended because he felt that something posted frequently in the group "Stupid Gay NF Shit" basically had the use of the word gay and he felt marginalized by it. So, he posted it out loud. Not in a TOTALLY stuck up way--but it was immediately, "How can we fix this problem?" and many people said "I don't see a problem." Someone else entirely jumped in, and started just attacking everyone and throwing out righteous asshattery for all of us poor bald people too stupid to realize how offensive it was.
My point was exactly this: regardless of what happened or what he was trying to accomplish, the way he went about it attacked people and put them on the defense.. and nothing can be done when that happens. He was actually working AGAINST what he wanted to accomplish--and alienated himself even further than the original hurt ever did.
The worst part was, it turned into this big argument that couldn't be taken back no matter how hard anyone tried, and all that really needed to be done was to PM the group leader and discuss it calmly with him.. because "gay" has several contexts, and the older definition fit the bill better than the homosexual definition does in all honesty.. So the dude could have just been experiencing a generation gap as he was much younger than the guy using the saying. All would have been fine in an easy, one on one conversation. Instead, it was a massacre that left me and several others unwilling to do anything about the issue one way or the other. It just got dropped like the box of hot garbage it was.