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  1. #61
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    My point is...there are some serious drawbacks that are linked to being the receivee as well wrt rejection. It aint pretty on either side of the fence.
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  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    My point is...there are some serious drawbacks that are linked to being the receivee as well wrt rejection. It aint pretty on either side of the fence.
    Oh I know.

    Our culture however seems to only acknowledge the drawbacks on your side unfortunately

  3. #63
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Men and the importance they put on being able to pull an attractive mate aren't going away.

    I don't think it's in our genes to "care less".
    But do you think "behaving well" plays a big part in attracting a mate? I've seen that kind of behavior mostly in already married or long-term-"girlfriendded" men.

    (Moreover, men don't generally want to attract every female they casually hang out with, but they might still be impacted by her presence. That's not "needed".)
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  4. #64
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Well of course everyone fears rejection.

    That fact only really impacts those doing the approaching though.
    Not at all. Women (presumably not doing the approaching, in your example), can be rejected by being dumped; by not making it past a first or second date; or even by not being approached.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    But do you think "behaving well" plays a big part in attracting a mate? I've seen that kind of behavior mostly in already married or long-term-"girlfriendded" men.

    (Moreover, men don't generally want to attract every female they casually hang out with, but they might still be impacted by her presence. That's not "needed".)
    Your going to have to expand on this a little. I'm not following.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Not at all. Women (presumably not doing the approaching, in your example), can be rejected by being dumped; by not making it past a first or second date; or even by not being approached.
    Not being approached isn't a rejection. There is no act of "turning down" there.

    Sure you can get rejected once you've started seeing someone, but that goes for all of us.

  7. #67
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Your going to have to expand on this a little. I'm not following.
    1. Men aren't attracted to every woman they meet. They're not attracted to every woman in their circle of friends, either.
    2. Even if you're attracted to someone, toning down your natural behavior may make you less attractive to her.
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  8. #68
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    In DiscoBiscuit's defense (ugh) there is some indication that formally being the one who is supposed to approach creates added pressures, and in dating scenarios where women are forced to approach and men are forced to choose, men become very picky and women become flexible, i.e. the height of standards are not really dependent on the sex but simply on who is or isn't the one doing the approaching. It suggests that approaching is its own cost if the people who have to do it will choose to walk away with less than the people who don't.
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  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    1. Men aren't attracted to every woman they meet. They're not attracted to every woman in their circle of friends, either.
    2. Even if you're attracted to someone, toning down your natural behavior may make you less attractive to her.
    Most of the "one of the guys girls" I've hung around with have been fairly attractive. Not all, but most.

    We show sides of ourselves to others. Be that other, a friend or a potential mate. Surely, hiding too much from a woman can be counterproductive, but so too can be showing too much.

    Behaving well (knowing your audience and not breaching norms etc..) is important in just making friends, much more so in attracting a mate.

  10. #70
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    men be all like dis, women be all like dat

    My two closest friends, bar none, are my wife and my male "mentor" (really, just an older dude with more life experience than me). Not only do we talk on an intimate level, but we talk about intimacy and relationships and all of that stuffs all the time.

    I've also been known to "crash" "girls nights." (Really, I'm invited to them.) I'm sure that I'm not the only person on the planet who does this. Because girls are people.

    I don't share this in order to impress anyone, espouse virtue, pretend to be a white knight, feign equality, or get all up in some Kumbaya "we're all equal" business. It simply happens that most of my other close friends (albeit for a loose definition of "close") are chicks. It just turns out that chicks can do more than gossip about their coworkers' shoes.

    I also hang around a bunch of married couples, because I hang around an older crowd and they tend to be married. Even the dudes have no problem talking at an intimate level, probably because they matured past that good ol' social conditioning that keeps men from opening up.

    That's my answer: find more mature friends.

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