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  1. #521
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    No one asked for your advice.
    I don't remember discussing shit with you.

    Go back to whatever it is you're whining about these days.

  2. #522
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Right now? That would be you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #523
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    No. I criticise you for being dismissive of women and the issues that affect them. Repeatedly.
    And for the smug condescension of your "well, it doesn't happen to me, so wth are you doing wrong?" Which is pretty bloody odious in a thread like this.
    (In case you "missed" that too.)
    If I kept experiencing a particular kind of problem, and most of my friends did as well, and then I encountered someone who managed to avoid similar problems, I would be all over her to learn how she does it. But then I am more interested in solving problems than wallowing in my misery or blaming people who are trying to find solutions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    I have been grabbed by a total stranger in a public place where I assure you, I wasn't giving off any "come hither" vibes. I was just trying to bloody-well get home from work. I can't believe anyone would seriously accuse me of over-friendliness...
    I reacted with a rage that astonished, and comforted me. I thought 'hey, at least I know I wouldn't just freeze in a situation like that. I can handle myself.'

    When it happened in a date-like situation, I found myself caught off-guard. Macing a stranger and macing a date are very different propositions. Fortunately, I managed to get out of that situation unscathed. But I certainly don't believe the many women who have been date raped are somehow "doing it wrong".
    So, just how badly do you want this sort of thing to stop, and what are you willing to do to make that happen?

    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    Oh please. I hope it never happens to you. Who knows why it hasn't? Maybe everyone thinks you're a dude, like online. That must be awesome for you. But unless/until it does, given your total empathy failure, perhaps you should just bow out of the thread.

    The entire premise here is that women SHOULDN'T be second-guessing themselves. This is a Rape Culture-based problem. That's what needs to change.
    I share your hope that these things don't happen to me, either. Ideally, they would happen to no one. I could speculate as to why I have avoided it, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with being mistaken for a guy. The problem goes much deeper than what you are calling rape culture. It is the whole inferiority complex that women have traditionally been raised with - the idea that they need a man, to support them, protect them, make decisions for them, make their life complete. The idea that men are stronger, more capable, more reliable in a crisis, more level-headed.

    As we tell women in the self-defense classes, it is that often missing sense of self-confidence that is the most important in fending off an attacker, whether a stranger in a dark alley, a jerk in a bar, or someone familiar at work or home. That attitude of, "just who do you think you are, treating me this way???" It is the same self-confidence that helps us tackle other challenges in life.

    As for bowing out of the thread, I have had far too many positive comments from other members to even consider it. If you find my posts that distasteful, you are welcome to ignore them.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #524
    Junior Member Dufflepud's Avatar
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    I've got sort of a compound one - I was told that because I'm a teenage, male, bisexual person, there was no way I could ever possibly be trusted to not cheat in a relationship. I've had much worse said about my sexuality and I could list plenty of examples, but I can't really think of any gender-related examples that really bothered me.

  5. #525
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    If I kept experiencing a particular kind of problem, and most of my friends did as well, and then I encountered someone who managed to avoid similar problems, I would be all over her to learn how she does it. But then I am more interested in solving problems than wallowing in my misery or blaming people who are trying to find solutions.
    You are so full of shit. You are, by your own admission, an aspiring psychopath. I wouldn't ask you for the time of day.

    I share your hope that these things don't happen to me, either.
    Hope Retracted.
    The problem goes much deeper than what you are calling rape culture. It is the whole inferiority complex that women have traditionally been raised with - the idea that they need a man, to support them, protect them, make decisions for them, make their life complete. The idea that men are stronger, more capable, more reliable in a crisis, more level-headed.
    Utter. Bullshit. No one could endorse that sentiment less than I do. But thanks for so clearly demonstrating what a woman-hating, victim-blaming troll you are.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #526
    Junior Member Dufflepud's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    You are so full of shit. You are, by your own admission, an aspiring psychopath. I wouldn't ask you for the time of day.

    Hope Retracted.
    Utter. Bullshit. No one could endorse that sentiment less than I do. But thanks for so clearly demonstrating what a woman-hating, victim-blaming troll you are.
    Ad hominem attacks and spamming a thread with your petty flame war aren't going to help prove your point.

    Why not actually provide a logical counter to whatever it is that she's saying which upset you so much, instead of hurling profanities? I know that the rest of us who are trying to use the thread for its intended purpose would vastly prefer that the two of you either interact civilly, or take your fight elsewhere. I mean, honestly, is it SO difficult to refute the points or claims being made by someone who you disagree with, while avoiding delving into childishness?

  7. #527
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Got yelled at by a guy across the street downtown today while I was walking home with a grocery bag. Wasn't sure if he was handicapped and being friendly or just being an asshole, but in case of the latter, I wasn't interested in stopping to find out.

  8. #528
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    I think I have a double whammy here:

    My female friend and I were walking down the street, and some sketchy looking dude said something rude. I couldn't really hear him properly, but it looked and sounded like a rude expression. I was also unsure as to who he was addressing, so I elected just to ignore him.

    Anyway, my friend heard him, and apparently he said something: like "nice tits". That's the first instance of everyday sexism. It's odd that so many men think it's okay to say shit like that.

    Afterwards, my friend berated me for not defending her honour, saying that even if I didn't know what was said, I should have realized it wasn't good and leapt to her defence, because that's what men do. Bam, everyday instance of sexism number two.

    I tried to lighten the mood by suggesting he might have been complimenting my tits (we have a running joke that I'm kinda getting fat lately), but she was having none of it. Part of me feels bad about it, but I don't see what I could have really done.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Got yelled at by a guy across the street downtown today while I was walking home with a grocery bag. Wasn't sure if he was handicapped and being friendly or just being an asshole, but in case of the latter, I wasn't interested in stopping to find out.
    It would have been interesting if you HAD stopped and found out:

    Excuse me sir, I couldn't help but overhear your shouting. Just a quick question to satisfy my curiosity, are you a mentally handicapped person just trying to be friendly, or merely an asshole?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dufflepud View Post
    I've got sort of a compound one - I was told that because I'm a teenage, male, bisexual person, there was no way I could ever possibly be trusted to not cheat in a relationship. I've had much worse said about my sexuality and I could list plenty of examples, but I can't really think of any gender-related examples that really bothered me.
    It's not fair that bisexuals tend to get pegged as merely being sexually greedy. People don't seem comfortable with the fluidity of sexual orientation.

  9. #529
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    I read most of the thread. I think I was mostly avoiding this thread because I didn't want to get angry at other ppl diminishing the validity of how people feel when they are forced in an uncomfortable situation. I'm glad the first couple pages are all I saw of that, really.

    I don't have men come up to me as much anymore. It probably has to do with what @Amargith said about not looking cheery all the time. I am glad I don't have strong Fe for that reason.

    I think the worst times for me have been when I was at work.

    I quit one of my jobs one time because my direct supervisor would not stop saying "When are you going to wear that shirt again?" ( I never wore that shirt again)

    I was only 16, did not know what the appropriate steps to take in that situation was...so I quit. I worked for a CPA...and it was a TINY office, the boss was buddy buddy with my best friends dad...so I figured the best thing to do was to just leave...cause I didn't want anything getting back to anyone.

    Second time that really stands out is at my current job. This was for realz. This older guy I worked with would come up to me and hand me stuff...like keys he had to pass on, or papers...and he would caress my hands and try to go further...it made my skin crawl. I would immediately recoil. I hate that this crap happens at work. I find work to be such a priority that I don't like to speak up cause then if I rock the boat I have to deal with that person again...tomorrow and the next and the next. Anyways it kept getting worse and then I finally said something to one of my managers...and it turns out this guy had actually been complained about before. So after that things slowly settled down. Weird things is...the guy died this year...and I feel bad now for all the times I came home angry and disgusted about him. :/

    _______

    @gromit that stuff in your post, it was not your fault And I especially find it irritating when people don't validate my feelings. Especially when I'm sick. Mono is no freggin joke either! Holy hell!

    My friend has had mono for like a year now...still can't shake it!
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

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    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
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  10. #530
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I quit my Dagorhir group several years ago because of the local chapter leader being creepy. He seemed a little over-friendly and touchy but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because I liked both him and his wife. I thought maybe they were swingers or something, so I casually/jokingly mentioned not being a swinger. I thought maybe he was just kind of a touchy person because he had no problem bandaging (touching) the gay guys in our group (this is a red state and guys can be kind of stupid about that stuff).

    Then he whacked an attractive seventeen-year-old female member on the rear with a foam sword the same day he thought it was a good idea to come up behind me and start rubbing my shoulders. I did not know who it was at first and thought it might be one of the female or gay members, but when I looked around they were all accounted for. I looked behind me and saw Doug and my face must have said because he told me it was 'socially acceptable.' Like the only reason I don't get up on men other than my husband is because of social acceptability. That's not insulting.

    If he hadn't been the leader of the group, I would have talked to the group leader about him. I feel, now, like I should have tried to go over his head because this stuff happened probably five or six years ago. When I went to the nerd Con at my daughter's university last weekend, I saw he was at the Dagorhir area. God only knows how many women he has creeped on and run off in this amount of time. I just didn't have the confidence back then. And I felt so bad for his wife. She was really nice and I liked her a lot.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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