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  1. #21
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    This post shows that you lack insight into why someone might make a comment like that.
    I suffer bipolar type 1, if they knew me, when i look that way, it is all i can do to get out of bed and possibly not kill myself.

    THAT is why i take offence. They don't know me, ffs my mother might just have died and apparently im not allowed to look sad?

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  2. #22
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    This post shows that you lack insight into why someone might make a comment like that.
    Are you deliberately invalidating my experience?

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  3. #23
    Senior Member Gish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    I suffer bipolar type 1, if they knew me, when i look that way, it is all i can do to get out of bed and possibly not kill myself.

    THAT is why i take offence. They don't know me, ffs my mother might just have died and apparently im not allowed to look sad?
    Why is it sexist?

  4. #24
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gish View Post
    Why is it sexist?
    Because, as a female, i'm meant to radiate joy. Apparently.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  5. #25
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    I asked for more context, none was offered.

    Have you ever felt angry when you were rejected? I don't see the feeling of anger at being rejected as a problem. Most people cannot manage their feelings, but we can all manage our behavior.
    I don't think I would feel anger towards a stranger - especially if I could gage that I was physically stronger. I'm actually a pretty nice person, but there are instances where I would ignore someone saying that to me because I wouldn't want to invite more interaction. Other instances I may look down and smile (embarrassed), but men should realize that many women have been intruded upon by men who cross serious lines. To not invite an interaction is not being mean or snobby, but self protective. A man should not feel slighted if a stranger ignores his greeting or advances.

    It is important to note the many different degrees of sexism and that incredibly nice people can have sexist ideas and feelings. I dated a really kind-hearted sexist when I was in college. He was a theology major and he could get really critical of me for anything that didn't fit with his idea of the requirements of a pastor's wife. That doesn't denigrate his entire character. A person can be wonderful, kind, thoughtful, and still be sexist. It is painful to look at this issue, but it helps for people to see it isn't an all or nothing issue regarding someone's character. It is a deep cultural issue and some sexists are horrible rapists and molesters, some are just immature jerks, some are partly nice and partly horrible, and others are almost completely wonderful, sans the sexism.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #26
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Intimidation and overtones of ownership/entitlement are what make it skeevy. The assumption that we want that kind of attention from strangers in public places when we are minding our own business. The idea that someone can tell us what we may and may not do based on a stranger's feelings about the way we look is intrusive and nauseating. Our facial expressions can be commanded by others for their aesthetic gratification? If it was an isolated incident we'd probably brush it off as innocent, but the constant assumption that we exist to be sexual objects to men gets very old.

    I've lost all patience with it. My God, I'm a middle aged woman, married for over twenty years, the mother of four and have always been planish. I don't wear makeup or fix my hair or dress provocatively and I still can't be left the hell alone to do my thing.
    I honestly cannot imagine what that's like. Unless you're a celebrity or wealthy, males are almost never pursued. We're always on the other side of this, thinking "should I approach that woman"? If a male never approaches anyone, he'll almost certainly spend his life alone. Unfortunately, the ones who do approach women most often are the d-bags.

    I guess I'm trying to stick up for the guys who aren't sexist and are just awkward. I don't think anyone likes the entitled d-bags, but grouping all males together so nonchanlantly as feeling entitled to women's bodies is patently unfair.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  7. #27
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    I suffer bipolar type 1, if they knew me, when i look that way, it is all i can do to get out of bed and possibly not kill myself.

    THAT is why i take offence. They don't know me, ffs my mother might just have died and apparently im not allowed to look sad?
    And the fact that they don't know you is exactly why you shouldn't take offense. I'm not trying to invalidate your experience. I just don't think you've put much thought into "the other side". I find it a bit ironic.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  8. #28
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    And the fact that they don't know you is exactly why you shouldn't take offense. I'm not trying to invalidate your experience. I just don't think you've put much thought into "the other side". I find it a bit ironic.
    i don;t tell strangers to cheer up because they're too pretty. THAT is my point.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  9. #29
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    if someone actually took the time to say "hey, are you okay? i know i don't know you but you look down, can i help?"

    would be appropriate. adding 'pretty' invalidates the whole thing.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  10. #30
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    if someone actually took the time to say "hey, are you okay? i know i don't know you but you look down, can i help?"

    would be appropriate. adding 'pretty' invalidates the whole thing.
    word!
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

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