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  1. #91

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    can you expand a bit more on what you mean by that?

    The "type" which I usually find attractive and whom I've repeatedly dated bares some resembalence to my first girlfriend, although I some what idealised version.

  2. #92
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    The "type" which I usually find attractive and whom I've repeatedly dated bares some resembalence to my first girlfriend, although I some what idealised version.
    This begs the question, did you have a concept of what you found attractive before you met her and it keeps playing itself out, or did you adjust to thinking some things are attractive because of her?
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  3. #93
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    When I read the actual article rather than just speculating, it sounds like the "18 year old" and the "15 year old" were actually involved before the 18 year old turned 18. They were actually a thing. And the parents of the 15 year old seemed accepting.

    Then the girl turned 18, and after a few months, suddenly the parents of the 15 year old flipped a switch and pressed charges and the issue enough to get this girl thrown out of school shortly before graduation. Nice. As my portion of speculating, it certainly sounds as if the parents did not approve, then realized they could use the law to end things.



    So fine. Technically they're breaking the law, but seriously? I mean, what does this mean -- that as soon as a kid turns 18 in high school, he or she has to break up with their SO because now they can be accused of sexual assault, regardless of how long they've been dating? My own son just turned 18 and he's dating a 16 year old; I better advise him one more time, to either break up with her or make sure they DON'T do anything physical.

    It sounds to me more like the parents of the 15 year old are exploiting the law to screw over their daughter's girlfriend because they don't approve of the relationship. And the law in this case seems very easily exploitable, it's in that "weird space" where it's not like a new adult is looking for younger people to prey on, it's a continuing relationship where someone turned 18 and what was okay on Tuesday now can go on your permanent record as of Wednesday. I understand the reasons for the law, but that just is kind of crazy.
    Agreed x100000.
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  4. #94

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    This begs the question, did you have a concept of what you found attractive before you met her and it keeps playing itself out, or did you adjust to thinking some things are attractive because of her?
    I think its because of her, I've read a lot about imprinting, its possible that it occurs during traumatic experiences too aswell as positive experiences which involve biochemical and emotional flooding too.

    I had a naive conception of what was attractive prior to meeting her and it was a little vague and "mass marketed", ie similar to a lot of what was portraited as beautiful on film and TV, following that relationship I think I found I was attracted to women like her but its also a much more realistic picture too.

  5. #95
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    It looks like the younger girl was actually fourteen and the older girl was eighteen.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #96

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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    It looks like the younger girl was actually fourteen and the older girl was eighteen.
    I kind of think a society in which fourteen year olds are sexually active isnt a great move.

    Seriously, the Chinese are hot housing their kids in languages, math, hard sciences and real knowledge and in the west this is happening?

  7. #97
    Senior Member lowtech redneck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    It looks like the younger girl was actually fourteen and the older girl was eighteen.
    Yeah, I read that in a headline....I still think it should be legally permissible, so long as the elder girl hasn't been held back a grade or the younger girl skipped a grade, but on a personal level, I would never allow it, and would let any senior hitting on a hypothetical freshman daughter (or not-so-hypothetical freshman niece) know that I own guns.

  8. #98
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I kind of think a society in which fourteen year olds are sexually active isnt a great move.

    Seriously, the Chinese are hot housing their kids in languages, math, hard sciences and real knowledge and in the west this is happening?
    It's not the norm, even in the US, but yeah, you'd think we could do better.
    Quote Originally Posted by lowtech redneck View Post
    Yeah, I read that in a headline....I still think it should be legally permissible, so long as the elder girl hasn't been held back a grade or the younger girl skipped a grade, but on a personal level, I would never allow it, and would let any senior hitting on a hypothetical freshman daughter (or not-so-hypothetical freshman niece) know that I own guns.
    Some kids aren't going to take you seriously and unless you're ready to put bars on windows like my brother's father-in-law (not because of my brother, thank God) did, you've got to be ready to actually beat up and/or shoot an eighteen year old girl. Sometimes the law is the only practical recourse.

    I don't think it should be a felony or that they should have to spend more than a day or two in jail or to register as sex offenders, but a no contact order and community service are't out of line, IMO.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #99
    Senior Member lowtech redneck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Some kids aren't going to take you seriously and unless you're ready to put bars on windows like my brother's father-in-law (not because of my brother, thank God) did, you've got to be ready to actually beat up and/or shoot an eighteen year old girl. Sometimes the law is the only practical recourse.

    I don't think it should be a felony or that they should have to spend more than a day or two in jail or to register as sex offenders, but a no contact order and community service are't out of line, IMO.
    Heh. You're probably right....I have no objection to no contact orders at parental request (so long as there is no initial criminal recording involved), with community service and fines as punishments for violations. It seems a reasonable balance between treating de-facto peer-group relationships as sex offenses on the one hand, while at the same time accommodating parental wishes.

  10. #100
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    A couple people have mentioned the "should they be focusing on sex at that age?"/"don't they have better things to do" line of reasoning, and while I do see the dangers of the "become obsessed with your boyfriend/girlfriend" or "get knocked up" paths, is there anything to indicate these girls weren't performing well in academics, extracurriculars, or their social lives?

    I'm not sure what I'd tell my daughter or son.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

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