User Tag List

First 456

Results 51 to 60 of 60

  1. #51
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 so/sx
    Posts
    2,051

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    You need to find someone compatible beforehand, so that those are relatively non-issues. I've never had an issue with these with my partner...

    (this is also why I am not fond of the "Marrying young" thingy - people get married after 6 months of knowing each other, it can work sure, but you do not know if you are compatible from these "practical" point of views!)
    I think people can be compatible on deeper levels while having differences with the day to day.

    Also getting married young doesn't mean having a short courtship. Say you date for six years and get married at 22.

  2. #52
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 so/sx
    Posts
    2,051

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    Some of this can happen for people who have roommates, but probably is not as deeply invested and people are probably more often renters. Edit: some people are calling these things trivial, but they affect life every day, so i think you have the right idea about the significance. /edit

    There is some sense that people who marry are more invested than those living together, but that is not always the case. For my own experience divorcing, the emotional aspect is so exhausting that suddenly possessions aren't that big a deal - although I guess some people have the opposite reaction. I left a bunch of stuff in storage the significance of which faded drastically in that process. I dated my first husband for five years and was extra careful analyzing everything to be sure it could be forever and it wasn't. When I moved in with my current husband, we didn't have a long dating history, but I was serious when I moved in and hoped it could be forever. I would have been equally serious whether or not we had actually married, and many of my friends (hippies ) have a similar view of marriage.

    One feeling I have about marriage as an emotional contract of commitment is that while I am comfortable feeling committed for a lifetime, I don't want someone else to be with me only out of obligation. What does a person do if married to a partner who falls out of love and is uncomfortable living with you? When there are children people are extra busy helping them and there is reason to have a stable unit for their sake. When there are no children, what is the reason to expect someone to stay if they aren't happy? This might sound suprising, but even when married i want my partner to know that my foundational motive in loving him is to always have his best interest at heart whether or not that means being with me. When I love someone like that it is forever even if the relationship isn't. I hope and long for certainty, but it isn't always realistic.


    I agree the emotional fall out is worst. For a long enough relationship it would be the ame as a divorce.

    I think this is where the idea of the difference between love as a feeling and love as an action. To me marriage is an obligation to be loyal even if that Person isn't pleasing you at that moment (baring some extreme circumstances). But then I've never understood "Falling out of love"

  3. #53
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Posts
    3,424

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    Find a house you can both afford, that's near both your work and activities, moving in, that you can fill with things you have to agree on, when's dinner, who does the laundry, who does the dishes, trash, what's our budget like, how late can we be noisy, what type of people come over and how often, who does the bills. Can you get pets...

    I don't think it's sad to think about these things, it's just realistic.
    You're not crazy on this one, I sympathize with you here. But then again, I've never shared a room with anyone but briefly, or a house with a lover, etc.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  4. #54
    The Unwieldy Clawed One Falcarius's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    COOL
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    Dino None
    Posts
    2,565

    Default

    Maybe it is just Falcarius', but as someone who is 25 million years old the prospect of marriage would like freak Falcarius right out. At that age, the
    self-awarenessof one has acquired is still not usually enough to counterbalanced the neuroticism of one so young.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thalassa View Post
    Oh our 3rd person reference to ourselves denotes nothing more than we realize we are epic characters on the forum.

    Narcissism, plain and simple.

  5. #55
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    6,276

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    Not a binary variable. A continum from "No I don't want to be with the person permanently" to "I'm not sure" to "yes". I just don't see the point of combining lives until you're in the yes territory.


    Just one example, which Ivy touched on before, choosing where to live. Signing leases, sharing bills. What happens when midway through the lease you decide to breakup. Who gets the place. Can you find another roommate to cover the rent in time . If you can't is it possible to cover the rent yourself?

    My parents right now are having problems because my mom doesn't think they go out enough. Sounds trivial but it's really hurting their marriage. I think it's easy to blow certain day to day things off, but day to day things make up your life.



    It's not about not getting my way. It's about adjusting to another persons lifestyle. Different things matter to people and when you start living with people there are going to be growing pains and you have to compromise. I don't have a problem with making changes to accommodate someone I care about, I just don't see why I should change for a temporary relationship. I lived with my best friend and we never fought despite being almost total opposites in terms of how we did our day to day stuff. I just went along with what she wanted except on a few occasions. I was okay with that because she was an important, permanent figure in my life. But if someone wanted me to change how I do certain things and at the same time was "unsure" about the future of our relationship, I wouldn't really see the point.



    The big family thing is also BS. I dated a guy from a big family and he was a brat. It's like saying latch-key kids are better at living with people because they expect to have to take care of things themselves. It's really more about the individual.
    It sounds to me like you're just too worried about little inconveniences. Live for a decade getting literally nothing your way and your perspective might change.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  6. #56
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 so/sx
    Posts
    2,051

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    It sounds to me like you're just too worried about little inconveniences. Live for a decade getting literally nothing your way and your perspective might change.
    I've had a lot of things not go my way. I've learned it's not worth it to invest so much of yourself with people who aren't fully committed to you. Be they friends, family or lovers.

    funny that not being able to pay your rent/ have a place to stay is a little inconvenience.


    Also, the idea that you've "litteraly" gotten nothing your way seems implausible to me as you have both computer access and the free time to engage me

  7. #57
    Senior Member lowtech redneck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    3,705

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    So what? It's not like the aim of humanity is reaching "mantain replacement-level fertility rates".

    Besides, you can still have 2 or 3 children from 29 to 40...:S
    A not-so-insignificant aim of human society is to perpetuate itself and the living standards attained by previous generations....that's kind of impossible when there are too few workers to support retirees. The challenge will be difficult enough under an advanced stage of population equilibrium, it would be virtually impossible if present trends continue.

    Putting aside the increased risk of health complications involved with having children during late middle-age, it is in society's interests to provide cultural validation for couples who want to have larger families than that, as they are needed to compensate for the large number of couples who want one or fewer children. And while its certainly possible to have four or more children during that timeframe, its not necessarily optimal, depending on the desires, resources, and capabilities of any particular couple.

  8. #58
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,438

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Falcarius View Post
    Maybe it is just Falcarius', but as someone who is 25 million years old the prospect of marriage would like freak Falcarius right out. At that age, the
    self-awarenessof one has acquired is still not usually enough to counterbalanced the neuroticism of one so young.
    I agree with this (though I'm younger than Falcarius, at 22).

    At my university, I think most undergrads are aiming towards late twenties, as opposed to mid twenties. Mostly because they're all aiming for graduate school, followed by world travel. The only friends I have who want to get married earlier than that, are currently in the midst of serious relationships that they think would lead to marriage.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #59
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    9 so/sx
    Posts
    21,633

    Default

    Eager to marry? What the hell are they gays or something?

  10. #60
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    4,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lowtech redneck View Post
    I think 25 is more or less the perfect age for most people to get married (assuming an appropriate match is found)
    That addition in parenthesis is quite an equation changer, isn't it? Especially given the fact that the divorce rate climbs close to 40% in some cases, and this is not counting unhappily married couples who are trudging along for whatever reason.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

Similar Threads

  1. New Lame College Student Looking For Answers On Their MBTI
    By Yoohoolarry in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 03-14-2015, 08:04 AM
  2. Study: Porn Stars More Religious, Have Higher Self-Esteem Than Other Women
    By swordpath in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 11-27-2012, 11:06 AM
  3. Poor College Student: Will Perform Non-Sexual Tasks for Money
    By Brendan in forum Academics and Careers
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 10-17-2010, 11:27 AM
  4. Online textbook price comparison site for college students
    By Usehername in forum Academics and Careers
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-28-2010, 01:37 AM
  5. Why is J/P more significant for Sensors than for iNTuitors?
    By compulsiverambler in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 11-09-2009, 08:00 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO