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  1. #21
    Senior Member lowtech redneck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Americans are crazy about getting married early, I never managed to get it. Then, they kind of don't really mind getting divorced, as if it's something normal. This whole patterns looks completely irrational.
    Until recent economic troubles, we've also managed to maintain replacement-level Total Fertility Rates, in stark contrast to most of Europe....I suspect the two things are related.

    As for divorce in America, the statistics are often exaggerated and highly misleading.

  2. #22
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lowtech redneck View Post
    Until recent economic troubles, we've also managed to maintain replacement-level Total Fertility Rates, in stark contrast to most of Europe....I suspect the two things are related.

    As for divorce in America, the statistics are often exaggerated and highly misleading.
    So what? It's not like the aim of humanity is reaching "mantain replacement-level fertility rates". Besides, you can still have 2 or 3 children from 29 to 40...:S
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  3. #23
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Mhmh, why is before-marriage necessarily a "courtship"? Lots of people live together before getting married
    Sure, lots of people do that. We didn't, and wouldn't have.

  4. #24
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Sure, lots of people do that. We didn't, and wouldn't have.
    Because it's forbidden?
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  5. #25
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Because it's forbidden?
    No. It was just a personal choice that we wanted to be married before we shared a household.

  6. #26
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Okay, but what is the point behind it?
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #27
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    A few things- it made marriage more meaningful to us (note the "to us" and please don't argue that plenty of people have found marriage meaningful after living together- I am aware of that, but TO US it was more meaningful that way). And I wanted to live alone between college and marriage, so I didn't go from being dependant on my parents to being interdependent on my spouse overnight.

  8. #28
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Sure, lots of people do that. We didn't, and wouldn't have.
    From an understanding of what marriage is, it makes sense to have it correlate with the beginning of cohabitation.

    I've wondered for people like me who lived together before marriage, what is the purpose of marriage? For us we were content with our personal commitment and did not consider the contract of marriage to be necessary, but society pressures it to have family privilege for medical communication, and to provide health insurance for a spouse when a company will not permit it for a partner, to be able to file jointly for taxes. I felt marriage is externally pragmatic because it doesn't have the religious significance for me at this point. I also feel like the personal commitment is where the real meaning lies. I have known atheists who are very committed to the concept of marriage, and I do not understand the reasoning behind it.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #29
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    From what I understand, marriage is primarily derived from religious belief and then extended to culture which could influence the assumption and desire to get married. For the strongly conservative religious who don't believe in sex until marriage, young people are highly motivated to get married young. I'm not sure what percentage of Americans lean towards that degree of conservatism, but it would definitely be a factor. There is also the desire in young people to function as adults and if marriage is seen as a right of passage then that too would be a motivator.

    As a side note, I've wondered what motivates non-religious cultures to sustain the tradition of marriage. I understand the tradition of family units, but not "til death do us part". That only makes sense in a religious context of monogamy to make a sacred vow of it. I can personally understand loving someone enough to be with them for a lifetime, but to have that externally imposed without the religious aspect is what I don't understand.


    I think the idea that you could see your relationship only lasting so long sort of invalidates the idea that that person is extremely important to you. The idea of actually combining your life with another person. That your momentarily feelings won't overpower the value you have for that other person.

  10. #30
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    A few things- it made marriage more meaningful to us (note the "to us" and please don't argue that plenty of people have found marriage meaningful after living together- I am aware of that, but TO US it was more meaningful that way). And I wanted to live alone between college and marriage, so I didn't go from being dependant on my parents to being interdependent on my spouse overnight.
    Sure, that makes perfect sense. It's just that I get the feeling that - sometimes - there is a silent judgment against the absence of such attitude.

    I've wondered for people like me who lived together before marriage, what is the purpose of marriage?
    It would for me to be a kind of big final celebration, I would like to have enough money to make it big enough, so that everyone could have fun and remember it.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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