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  1. #1
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Default Guys I dont know how many of you are parents but

    How sheltered would you aim at when bringing up your kid? How controlling would you be about their interests or the games they play?

    I kind of think I'm pretty strict about this but I've met parents who're stricter in other ways and it weirds me out, I know of one person lately who told me that they had a quarrel with grandparents who bought their child a NERF gun because they are strictly opposed to the child having guns or playing with guns.

    NERF? Really? They dont really look like any guns I remember playing with growing up and most of the standard plastic ratatat guns I had growing up, to say nothing of cap guns, have totally and utterly been pulled from UK stores and all you can get now, legally because I've checked this out with Amazon, are dayglow coloured things which are very obviously make believe pieces of place, unmistakeably so, what are legal pellet or BB guns similarly bare little resembalene to actual guns.

    This parent who told me about this actually profess some pretty radical left wing politics, lots of hating on the rich for being rich, assuming the worst about wealthy people, people in management, anticipating conflict with all the same, becoming disappointed if they dont encounter it. All of which makes me really wonder. Do they think that there's never been any guns in the history of the revolutions and power struggles they champion? The historical left wing aversion to firearms hasnt ever done them any benefit in a crisis or in the face of criminals or fascists.

    Another parent I know stopped their kid going over to play with neighbouring kids because while they didnt have any toy guns in their house neighbouring kid did, now this kids toys are all space age things and he has silly lazer sounds and star wars or dr who gizmos, his parents are fans of that and I know for a fact that dad bought him that stuff because he wanted to play with it. Anyway, kid comes back from his neighbours and for a while afterwards is seen pointing and making "pow, pow, bang, you're dead" sounds. That was enough for his mum to go and talk with the other neighbouring family and decide to call of any future play dates.

    It could just be that I know what really terrible neglectful parenting is like but this seems all a little OTT, when I was growing up we had all sorts of war make believe and dragon slaying make believe and alien slaying make believe and just about anything. It was all make believe and probably better than some of the shocking stuff I've seen in games for consoles now.

  2. #2
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    I hate neglectful or overly indulgent parenting (oh Tommy won't eat spinach, so I just let him eat frozen pizza every day!) but I don't see anything inherently wrong with certain things. Like my grandfather taught me to shoot a handgun when I was 9, and I am one of the least violent people in reality, I see weapons as a practicality for self-defense, and I never wanted to join a gang (LOL!)

    My 15 year old nephew used to watch shows like Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, American Dad, and Bleach when he was 10 or 12, and he's an exceedingly well-behaved, intelligent adolescent with high grades who says he misses school because he misses learning in the summertime. You know why? Because even though he watched those shows, he was well-educated about the world, and about the difference between fantasy and reality, and his sense of humor has always seemed quite mature, which may have to do with his level of intelligence.

    On the other hand, I don't think it's healthy for kids to play Grand Theft Auto and watch Saw on repeat, and allow a television/radio to raise them, because that certainly can lead to very bad results.

  3. #3
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    Oh in regard to radical left wing politics: it's as retarded and unthinking and unrealistic as radical right wing politics. You have to be careful of people who won't look at history on a broad scope and accept certain basic things about human nature (like people enjoy having their own cultures/tribes and have always used weapons and fought) ...anyone who doesn't critically think about core underlying issues is going to be some kind of weird extremist.

  4. #4
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    How sheltered would you aim at when bringing up your kid? How controlling would you be about their interests or the games they play?

    I kind of think I'm pretty strict about this but I've met parents who're stricter in other ways and it weirds me out, I know of one person lately who told me that they had a quarrel with grandparents who bought their child a NERF gun because they are strictly opposed to the child having guns or playing with guns.

    NERF? Really? They dont really look like any guns I remember playing with growing up and most of the standard plastic ratatat guns I had growing up, to say nothing of cap guns, have totally and utterly been pulled from UK stores and all you can get now, legally because I've checked this out with Amazon, are dayglow coloured things which are very obviously make believe pieces of place, unmistakeably so, what are legal pellet or BB guns similarly bare little resembalene to actual guns.

    This parent who told me about this actually profess some pretty radical left wing politics, lots of hating on the rich for being rich, assuming the worst about wealthy people, people in management, anticipating conflict with all the same, becoming disappointed if they dont encounter it. All of which makes me really wonder. Do they think that there's never been any guns in the history of the revolutions and power struggles they champion? The historical left wing aversion to firearms hasnt ever done them any benefit in a crisis or in the face of criminals or fascists.

    Another parent I know stopped their kid going over to play with neighbouring kids because while they didnt have any toy guns in their house neighbouring kid did, now this kids toys are all space age things and he has silly lazer sounds and star wars or dr who gizmos, his parents are fans of that and I know for a fact that dad bought him that stuff because he wanted to play with it. Anyway, kid comes back from his neighbours and for a while afterwards is seen pointing and making "pow, pow, bang, you're dead" sounds. That was enough for his mum to go and talk with the other neighbouring family and decide to call of any future play dates.

    It could just be that I know what really terrible neglectful parenting is like but this seems all a little OTT, when I was growing up we had all sorts of war make believe and dragon slaying make believe and alien slaying make believe and just about anything. It was all make believe and probably better than some of the shocking stuff I've seen in games for consoles now.
    Of course you're strict you're an ENTJ 1 for God's sake. LMAO

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    There are extremes on both ends that don't seem productive.

    The goal is to provide boundaries that (1) keep your kids safe from true physical harm [vs reasonable risks / typical bangups and scratches] and (2) guide them to make good decisions that will serve them well later in life, while providing freedom to learn, explore, and grow as people.

    Avoiding irreparable harm/death and avoiding them turning out like brainless robots are both good things.

    There's a nice gray area in the middle where a kid has learned to think for him or herself and make decisions regarding their own welfare. We're pretty much able to trust our kids to decide (for example) whether a particular movie (Note: not porn for goodness sake, just the average movie) is too intense for them; and they've chosen at times to postpone watching something until they've gotten older, when they're better able to deal with it.

    That gray area will also depend on the kid; if you know your kid has problems with just emulating what other kids do, then you might need to be more strict; if your kid is more independent, then you can give them more freedom to explore.

    AS far as the "violence" thing goes, what I see in boys growing up regardless of culture is that they tend to be more competitive and turn normal objects into "fighting tools". Every animal species typically has some kind of male behavior that can be aggressive. I think it's silly to try to repress that; instead, you want to channel it positively. The same fierceness that might guide a boy to bully and hurt others is the same fierceness used by a different boy to defend the people he loves and be productive in life; there's no sense in smothering it.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

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  6. #6
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    It's really important to me to preserve their innocence. I don't like them being around talk that's too mature or anything rude and ugly. I hate how there are inappropriate things everywhere! My son said the word sex the other day! He doesn't really know what it is and when asked where he heard it he said he sees it on magazines all the time at the grocery store.

    And it's true... It's everywhere. There's sexually suggestive fucking yogurt commercials ffs.

    Hate it!

    And he's so smart he needs to know stuff but he's just not emotionally ready to know everything!

    But anyway yes it bothers me much that they have to go out in the world and be around other kids who's parents don't feel the same and say all sorts of inappropriate things to them. Or the parents do. I hate it. Hate.
    Can't stand when people do or say inappropriate things around them or to them. I rarely even have the radio on with them in the car because the dj is likely to say something I don't like.

    I don't like weapon type play either... But I've relaxed on it now that he's older and really just not interested.

    Also don't like that overindulgent parenting when it comes to picky eaters. My Neice and nephew we're just in town and I couldn't believe how they were allowed to eat.

    She says they won't do this or that...um... It doesn't really work like that. You're the mom! The kids don't eat fruits or vegetables! Like ever! Wtf!
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  7. #7
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    This is why I don't think I can ever have children. It all sounds so complicated.

    edit: seems rewarding for the most part though...

  8. #8
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Coming from parents who liked to ban a lot of universally-accepted-as-harmless things, my guess is that I would avoid buying things for children that I don't think are great (like maybe toy guns, or junk food) but wouldn't actually ban them if they were gifts or something, or on special occasions. Banning things (unreasonably) usually leads to both resentment/eroding of the relationship and if anything increases interest in whatever is banned.
    -end of thread-

  9. #9
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    It's really important to me to preserve their innocence. I don't like them being around talk that's too mature or anything rude and ugly. I hate how there are inappropriate things everywhere! My son said the word sex the other day! He doesn't really know what it is and when asked where he heard it he said he sees it on magazines all the time at the grocery store.

    And it's true... It's everywhere. There's sexually suggestive fucking yogurt commercials ffs.
    I'd imagine pre-historic children knew more about sex than your children.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  10. #10
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    If a kid is old enough to ask the question, they're old enough for an honest answer. That doesn't mean you show them porn when they ask what sex is, but a basic rundown of the mechanics is perfectly appropriate at a young age.

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