I also think that this is very interesting, but given how little you've formed it, it seems VERY BIZARRE to ask feminists to "own" this.Sure, I'll try. I haven't fully fleshed this out myself. There's also a bit of introverted intuition at play here, but I'll do my best. This is going to be pretty simplified though, so I apologize if it seems overly vague.
Do I need to talk about reward pathways in the brain? If so, I can. But I'm going to skip that for now.
The problem is actually more than just instant gratification. It's also that we have (virtually) infinite choice. I believe these phenomena actually lead to a LACK of fulfillment, that our animal brains actually prefer some restrictions (despite this being counter-intuitive for many people) and that we're wired to respond better to delayed gratification than instant gratification in our current environment. Western nations have fully succumbed to this, but China has not, though China is headed in that direction. Unfortunately for Western nations, liberal ideals favor individual choice and feelings over what is best for society. So you have an endless cycle of increasing permissiveness, while individual responsibility fails to keep up. (I'm not sure if I worded this well, I'm not particularly happy with what I wrote here, but it's not terrible). China's culture is still much different. It does not value individual freedom to nearly the same extent as Western nations. As it pertains to this particular subject, I believe China is better positioned to "find a place" for the excess men in its society. I don't think Western nations will be able to pull it off. There will be violence one way or another.
As for the destruction of males' place in society, young males in Western nations are doing progressively worse in school (I admit, I don't know if there are exceptions, but I know this is true for the big players) and little attention is being paid to it. Women now have the more stable jobs (healthcare, education, etc), while men's more dangerous jobs have been shipped overseas or eliminated completely (through automation). That coupled with the changing social dynamic with women leaves many men without a place in society because they're not acceptable "husband material".
I think there's some sort of interplay between instant gratification and the feminization of our society, but I haven't fully fleshed out that idea either. It's something along the lines of how nurturing is a feminine ideal and if you take the idea of nurturing too far you can end up promoting instant gratification. If this happens on a massive scale, with the Baby Boomer generation for example, it can amplify the effect of advertising/consumerism/etc. I'm not invested in this idea and it's far from being fully formed, but my intuition tells me there's some truth to it.