I seriously think he feared for the way he would behave with a more submissive woman. Like I wondered if he did date some woman was really extremely small or weak or just psychologically passive, if he actually would have started beating her more severely, just because he could. I don't think he likes those kinds of women though, he always acted like he admired really tough women. Like Wendy O. Williams (no not joking).
Still, yes, he has Borderline Personality Disorder. He severely needed help, and while he took anger management classes, all it taught him was things like to walk away or to do other things to release anger, or to tell me not to ever follow him or anyone else I was fighting with - apparently one of the things they teach in anger management is that the abused person sometimes will follow the person with an anger problem and keep arguing with them, and it escalates. I realized he was right about this, because I actually learned to physically walk away FROM HIM (ironically) and when I went back to live with my mom in WV I realized I may have learned that behavior from my mom, because any time I tried to walk away from her in an argument she would follow me down the hall, sometimes beating on my bedroom door, one time throwing an ice cube at my descending back. I suddenly understood how my mother had gotten beaten by her second husband.
But yeah, he wouldn't get help. The anger management class just taught him basic coping skills that would have worked for a person without a mental illness, and he has a severe personality disorder, I truly think it's beyond his control, because he would cry about it and say he was sorry and beg me not to leave him.
He never got help, though, not in a timely manner, so I never went back. Leaving him was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Because that was only like a small part of his personality. It was like when we got along it was fantastic, like we were best friends and totally inseparable, and when it was bad, it was awful.
I think that defined all of his relationships, though, even with his friends. Love/hate worship/devaluation. That's why I'm pretty confident what he has is Borderline Personality Disorder.