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  1. #11
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    Maybe if my parents followed through on "washing my mouth out with soap" I might have not become the foul-mouthed adult that I am.

  2. #12
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    This type of behaviour on the part of a parent can be traumatizing for a child and does nothing to stop future misbehaviour. If anything, it makes the whole thing worse by making the child both fearful, angry, and resentful. Further, listen to the dialog between the two; there seems to be some sort of set punishment ritual going on, which suggests that this harsh treatment is used frequently for common transgressions. Definitely poor judgment on the mother's part, and in my opinion a clear case of abuse.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Beargryllz's Avatar
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    Some types of abuse can be dismissed as relatively minor or even necessary, so I can see why there is some disagreement here. I would say that whatever produces the sought behavior is the best method, so if the child is functioning as the disciplinarian intends, and remains unscathed, we can easily put the abuse in the realm of acceptance. Basically, we need more information to form a concrete opinion.

  4. #14
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I'm torn...I don't think I'd call it child abuse, but I think traditional punishments are more easily understood by children. They know that spanking and grounding and all that are things that most kids endure when they're bad (Well, who knows these days; maybe they just get time outs. Time outs would never have worked on me. I'd have LOVED the time to myself.)

    The more "creative" punishments are, the more I wonder how much the parent is getting some sort of power-trippy pleasure out of it. I could be wrong, though.
    Something Witty

  5. #15
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    There seems to be a nuance of sadism in such a punishment, since it lacks a kind of immediate, emotional component which is typical of spanking. So yes, I'd qualify it as abuse. I don't think the children should be taken away from their mother just because of this episode, of course, but I do think that if I were her husband I would get really angry.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  6. #16
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    Thoughts?
    He should just carry tortilla chips around with him everywhere he goes.

    Everybody win!

    *la cucaracha*

  7. #17
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    I think it's horrible and yes it is a form of abuse. "She doesn't treat him like a son. More like a warden to an inmate." Agreed. What's wrong with communicating with your kids?? I mean ffs what's so difficult about explaining things to kids? Use your words. Simple shit really. Humiliation and pain are NOT ways to teach children.
    Quote Originally Posted by dala View Post
    This type of behaviour on the part of a parent can be traumatizing for a child and does nothing to stop future misbehaviour. If anything, it makes the whole thing worse by making the child both fearful, angry, and resentful. Further, listen to the dialog between the two; there seems to be some sort of set punishment ritual going on, which suggests that this harsh treatment is used frequently for common transgressions. Definitely poor judgment on the mother's part, and in my opinion a clear case of abuse.
    All of this.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Innapropriate yes. Using this particular form of discinpline seems like it would hold some kind of demented kick. But the article doesn't mention what other methods have been previously tried. Did the parent try time out? The taking of prized posession? Grounding? Who knows... maybe she's tried alot of other more standard ways and failed.

    Honestly, I am not surprised to see stuff like this popping up because I do think society, especially Western culture, has become a bit childcentric. Now a days, if you put your hands on your child AT ALL for any kind of disciplinarian action it can be viewed as "child abuse," leaving some people to think up more creative tactics.

    I also know alot of people that were severely brow- beat with words and would much rather have taken a spanking. Pulling a kid out of a home is rarely the best solution imo. I've seen kids taken from dysfunctional homes, only to be passed around through various state homes where they never develop a strong sense of identity, have complex issues of unconditional love, struggle to keep up with changing schools and making new friends, etc. I think that unless the abuse is fairly extreme, the best thing to do is seek family counseling and individual counseling for the parent.

    Just my opinion though, I'm sure somone here will find it outrageous.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  9. #19
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tigerlily View Post
    I think it's horrible and yes it is a form of abuse. "She doesn't treat him like a son. More like a warden to an inmate." Agreed. What's wrong with communicating with your kids?? I mean ffs what's so difficult about explaining things to kids? Use your words. Simple shit really. Humiliation and pain are NOT ways to teach children.All of this.
    Agreed. How difficult is it to communicate and if the child chooses not to listen, remove privileges? Also be quick to compliment and approve of good behaviour.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Agreed. How difficult is it to communicate and if the child chooses not to listen, remove privileges? Also be quick to compliment and approve of good behaviour.
    It starts at a younger age. If the parent fails to properly train the child when its an infant and toddler, rational punishments are going to be less effective when the child is older. That said, I doubt this woman is a particularly rational person, herself.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

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