User Tag List

First 41213141516 Last

Results 131 to 140 of 195

  1. #131

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/...n7313415.shtml



    I'm a little shocked by the fit people are raising over this. Do you guys view this as child abuse? Should the child be taken from her?

    When I was younger my brother and I had pepper put in our mouths for swearing. Personally, as long as it wasn't some ghost pepper shit and just a mild hot sauce, I'm not entirely opposed to this and not sure why people are so appalled.

    Thoughts?
    It walks a line, primarily because her "methods" don't seem to be "methods" at all, but excuses to take out her anger and frustration on her children. The rage she demonstrates in relation to the child's infraction (as opposed to her reluctance to resort to physical punishments) is probably what jars most people. IMO, violence is always a resort rather than a method.

    Are her "methods" particularly successful? I don't think so, but apparently neither does she, otherwise she would not have sought help. I don't think her children should be taken away from her, but I think she needs anger management and perhaps some parenting classes. It bodes well that she sought help voluntarily and recognizes her loss of emotional control... <grimace> even if it is on a nationally syndicated pseudo-medical professional's television show.

    The child abuse charges seem unnecessary in light of the circumstances that brought the issue up to begin with (mother seeking help), but a social worker following up with the family's progress is in order.

    I wish that family good health and love. The last thing those children need is for their mother to be publicly lynched, however misguided she is (and this coming from someone who was abused as a child). It's important that we don't allow her emotional overreactions to invoke ours.

  2. #132
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    6,276

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Nope. Orders carry an implied threat. Requests are nonthreatening, and it's up to the child to figure out that A -> B, with a little coaching from the parent.
    Is "you don't get to play video games until you've finished your homework" a request or an order?
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  3. #133
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    3h50
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,460

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Qlippoth View Post
    The differentiation comes later, when they're capable of understanding. Your vision is lovely, but impractical. If you want to realize an ideal, you have to work with the medium.. humans come out needing a lot of work and the environs are always less than ideal.
    But you see, child-rearing in the present is all about the future outcome. You don't use a strategy on a five-year-old so you get optimal outcomes right then, when most of the issues are going to be small potatoes, you do it so you get optimal outcomes 20 years later, when habits and techniques have grown into the way the now-adult sees the world.

    In other words, I don't want my kids to ever be afraid of me, but I do expect them to respect me. Some of you don't have a problem with the fear part, and that's your prerogative, but it's not the only way.

  4. #134
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    3h50
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,460

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    Is "you don't get to play video games until you've finished your homework" a request or an order?
    Order. You're using force by blocking. There are other ways to accomplish the same goals.

  5. #135
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    6,276

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Order. You're using force by blocking. There are other ways to accomplish the same goals.
    Hah, maybe that's true in your theoretical world. But in the real world, dealing with real people, that doesn't always work. Sometimes you have to put your foot down.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  6. #136
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,483

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    But you see, child-rearing in the present is all about the future outcome. You don't use a strategy on a five-year-old so you get optimal outcomes right then, when most of the issues are going to be small potatoes, you do it so you get optimal outcomes 20 years later, when habits and techniques have grown into the way the now-adult sees the world.

    In other words, I don't want my kids to ever be afraid of me, but I do expect them to respect me. Some of you don't have a problem with the fear part, and that's your prerogative, but it's not the only way.
    Mostly I'm just trying to be a father. I definitely don't feel that my kids think I'm a bad guy, but I don't mind if they think that if it means that they can accomplish what they set out to accomplish in life.

    Maybe your way works, I'm not convinced, and a lot of amazing people have been raised the traditional way. Your way reminds me of the height of the 60's where everyone had absolutely beautiful ideas, but the consequences existed years down the road. In any case, my kids are beyond that stage so this is all theory to me.

  7. #137
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    3h50
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,460

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    Hah, maybe that's true in your theoretical world. But in the real world, dealing with real people, that doesn't always work. Sometimes you have to put your foot down.
    Yes. By not letting the kids have access to video games in the first place without your consent, by having them stored out of reach or something to that effect. You see the difference?

  8. #138
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    6,276

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Yes. By not letting the kids have access to video games in the first place without your consent, by having them stored out of reach or something to that effect. You see the difference?
    The difference is only semantic.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  9. #139
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    3h50
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,460

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
    The difference is only semantic.
    Not at all. In one case, the child can't play the game because the parent is acting as an obstacle. In the other, the child can't play the game unless he gets the parent's help. Now do you see the difference?

  10. #140
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    6,276

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Not at all. In one case, the child can't play the game because the parent is acting as an obstacle. In the other, the child can't play the game unless he gets the parent's help. Now do you see the difference?
    You are incredibly naive if you think children will care about your phrasing, and that's all this is, phrasing the issue differently.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

Similar Threads

  1. Is it bad to use exercise to punish one's self?
    By Haphazard in forum Health and Fitness
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 06-28-2010, 01:10 AM
  2. using shadow patterns to determine type
    By Grayscale in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 06-18-2009, 07:48 PM
  3. Bakery refuses to write child's name on cake
    By Ivy in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 67
    Last Post: 01-15-2009, 10:58 PM
  4. Culturally accepted child abuse
    By mooky in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 54
    Last Post: 04-26-2008, 02:46 PM
  5. Using type awareness to help with mental health?
    By Sahara in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 09-30-2007, 08:00 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO