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Thread: Psycho-Class

  1. #1
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    Psycho-Class

    Psycho-class is now becoming as important as social class.

    But whereas social class is determined by money or education or birth, psycho-class is determined by child rearing practices.

    And fortunately child rearing practices have been improving. And today the best practice is the helping mode of child rearing.

    But to understand the helping mode it is necessary understand the history of child rearing written by Lloyd deMause.

    So for those of us who are fascinated by our own personality, we might well be interested in which psycho-class we belong.

    This is important in choosing a mate, for all things being equal, it is best to choose a mate who is slightly above us in psycho-class. And not only will we improve our own standing in the psycho-class, but we will improve the standing of our children.

    So understanding our own psycho-class we need to understand the history of psycho-class as well as understanding our own relationship to our parents.

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    I was primarily raised by traditional, orderly SJs. We had dinner at the same time every night with place mats and silverware setting. No shoes allowed in the living room. You'd better make good grades or you'll get punished. Yes, you have a bed time.

    That's my psycho-class, despite some bizarre details here and there due to then-unstable ESFP mother that I was mostly sheilded from by same grandparents.

    I was raised with strict order and emphasis on traditional education (I had ballet and piano lessons as well as regular schooling, as well as Bible study and books widely made available to me at home). My social limits were almost stifling when I became an adolescent, though, because of the strict rules, and I found to my frustration that when I was in high school I was expected to follow rules without a logical explanation - "because I said so" or "because those are the rules, why don't you like rules?" was given to me as a reason - which eventually caused me to rebel, although I was a very well-behaved child until around the age of 15 or so...after that not so much.

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    I'm very much aware of the importance of how one was raised in determining how one might raise one's children.

    I also think enneagram reflects this to an extent. And I know I wouldn't want an 8w7 (me) for a father. Yikes!

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    It occurs to me that one would actually want to marry someone of similar psycho-class, or who at least shares your opinions on how a household should be run, to a degree, whether or not you and your partner chose to have children.

    The more I think about it, the more this DOES seem like a class issue to me, like "decent" people were raised the way I was (with the exception of using "because I said so" as a reason - that's not a fucking reason to give to a teenager and just invites unnecessary and possibly harmful rebellion) ...in fact it's one of those things I have a hard time getting past in my adult life, when I see people raising their children without adequate security or structure.

    Of course it could have to do with enneagram like Moiety said ...because I'm fairly sure I'm an enneagram 6, and sixes are preoccupied with security and authority, whether phobic or counterphobic in its manifestation.

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    The Eighth Colour Octarine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Psycho-class is now becoming as important as social class.
    Wait, what? Can you give an example of what you are talking about?

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    Smile Marriage, Education and Therapy

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    It occurs to me that one would actually want to marry someone of similar psycho-class, or who at least shares your opinions on how a household should be run, to a degree, whether or not you and your partner chose to have children.
    Yes, until we mature, we are attracted to those like ourselves because we want to be mirrored. And in fact most marry within their social class and psycho-class. So much so that it has become conventional wisdom to say that compatibility is the basis of a good marriage.

    I was suggesting that for the developing individual marrying a little bit ahead of one's social and psycho-class stretches us in the right direction. It's a bit like tennis. If we want to improve our tennis, we play with someone a bit better than us. If they are far better, they won't play with us. And if they are far worse, we will learn nothing about tennis.

    Of course there are other, and some would say, better ways of improving our social class and our psycho-class.

    So rather than marrying up in social class, we may choose to improve our education.

    Or rather than marrying up in psycho-class, we may choose to attend therapy.

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    Lightbulb Psychohistory

    Quote Originally Posted by Architectonic View Post
    Wait, what? Can you give an example of what you are talking about?
    A good place to start is Psychohistory by clicking on -

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychohistory

    Then you might click on, "The Foundations of Psychohistory", by Lloyd DeMause at -

    http://www.psychohistory.com/htm/contents.htm

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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Yes, until we mature, we are attracted to those like ourselves because we want to be mirrored. And in fact most marry within their social class and psycho-class. So much so that it has become conventional wisdom to say that compatibility is the basis of a good marriage.

    I was suggesting that for the developing individual marrying a little bit ahead of one's social and psycho-class stretches us in the right direction. It's a bit like tennis. If we want to improve our tennis, we play with someone a bit better than us. If they are far better, they won't play with us. And if they are far worse, we will learn nothing about tennis.

    Of course there are other, and some would say, better ways of improving our social class and our psycho-class.

    So rather than marrying up in social class, we may choose to improve our education.

    Or rather than marrying up in psycho-class, we may choose to attend therapy.
    I disagree with your assessment Victor. Actually it was the opposite when I was younger and less mature, I was actually more open to dating people from a more chaotic "psycho-class" perhaps because of latently wanting to identify with my biological mother. Fortunately, as I've grown older I've healed my relationship with her so I have no need to seek out any unhealthy situations so that I might identify with her chaos.

    I've also been in therapy for years, so I see no need to "marry up" in the way you suggest. I don't know what I'd marry up to in terms of psycho-class, frankly, unless it was simply to a more formally educated person. There aren't many people with more structured backgrounds than my own. In fact, I think I'm somewhat lucky and rare in this day and age that I did have that much order, stability, security, and emphasis on learning in my childhood.

    The simple fact is that if I ever decided to have children I want to marry someone who similarly believes in traditional structure and discipline and stability for them. But I may not ever have children, it's never been my #1 priority.

    I still hate, though, living with slobs and people who don't respect privacy. Living with my biological mother as an adult was very uncomfortable because she's so different from my grandparents, and offends my own standards, honestly.

    I know what I need.

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    Oh dear god I just looked at those links - you're one of those people who believe in "unschooling" and crap like that.

    *exits thread*

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    Post The School and the Brothel

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Oh dear god I just looked at those links - you're one of those people who believe in "unschooling" and crap like that.

    *exits thread*
    We now live in the school-without-walls, just as we now live in the brothel-without-walls.

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