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  1. #21
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I'd question if they were aware, and if they were how serious they thought it was. Bullying is something that has escalated over the past few generations imo, what they consider bullying based on their experiences may not have been her reality, I'm also sure that many children would not share those kind of experiences with their parents.

    Or what Heart said, they may have thought it would be a strengthening thing or even trusted the school to keep it in check.
    All true, and since she was sexually active she might have been afraid to go to them for help.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Iunno, not a parent so I can't add personal perspective but I would expect that many people would consider this a problem that 'other' parents have to think about as their child "was raised to know better".
    But if a parent got a report from school that their child was harassing others and they feared being sued for damanges, that would be a financial fear. Hit them where it matters to them, their pocket book. sad but true.

    And I think many more parents than would like to admit in these situations feel a bit of a charge out of their child being such a ringleader and popular, fireeatter and all that. I don't think they necessarily feel pride that their child is well behaved. I've lived in these communities. The people have a might makes right culture, a sort of sadism about all of this. Gotta be winners and losers in their game, they have pride that their child is one of the winners. Generations of animals.

    There are also teachers who believe this way too. Yeah it's ugly to think about. But it's true.

    How else can one deal with such mindsets? Can't shame them into doing better. Can only make them afraid of losing something dear. it takes money to keep up their lifestyle and be the winners so make them afraid of losing some of their precious money. Send some of their children to jail for assault too might help. Force them to seek anger management treatment just like domestic abusers are. I don't know what else, it is endemic to some of the cultures out there in the USA. Might makes right. My kid is mightier than yours.

  3. #23
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    I agree that their parents should be held accountable...because what I think I see here is not just them picking on a teenager for being sexually active, but torturing and stalking her for being an immigrant. Rural town. These people had probably never met someone with an accent in their life, and were potentially taught twistedly conservative nationalist values.

  4. #24
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    All true, and since she was sexually active she might have been afraid to go to them for help.
    The mother was filing complaints with the school according to the news.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    But if a parent got a report from school that their child was harassing others and they feared being sued for damanges, that would be a financial fear. Hit them where it matters to them, their pocket book. sad but true.
    Now that may have an impact. At the least I can't see many downsides (unless that child is abusive themselves because of an abusive home situation).

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    The mother was filing complaints with the school according to the news.
    If the mother was filing complaints before the girl took her own life then Ivy's previous question stands. If something is that bad that you are motivated to file complaints, why leave your child in that environment?

    (not attempting to blame the parents, and don't know the full story so am assuming the girl was still attending school)

  7. #27
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    If the mother was filing complaints before the girl took her own life then Ivy's previous question stands. If something is that bad that you are motivated to file complaints, why leave your child in that environment?

    (not attempting to blame the parents, and don't know the full story so am assuming the girl was still attending school)
    Where else would she go? The law pretty much spells out that your child has to attend school. Usually you must go where your zip code dictates that you go, at least to my understanding from my own school experience. So I mean if the mother can't afford private school, maybe she felt trapped into that situation and simply hoped that she could continue to press the school to do something about it.

    I mean schools can get nasty over missing school. My niece had mono and was out of high school for six weeks one time and the school was threatening my sister with enforcing the law, even though they had doctor's notes to support the abscence.


    Massachusetts Trunacy Laws.

    M.G.L. - Chapter 76, Section 5

    CHAPTER 76. SCHOOL ATTENDANCE


    Chapter 76: Section 5. Place of attendance; violations; discrimination


    Section 5. Every person shall have a right to attend the public schools of the town where he actually resides, subject to the following section. No school committee is required to enroll a person who does not actually reside in the town unless said enrollment is authorized by law or by the school committee. Any person who violates or assists in the violation of this provision may be required to remit full restitution to the town of the improperly-attended public schools. No person shall be excluded from or discriminated against in admission to a public school of any town, or in obtaining the advantages, privileges and courses of study of such public school on account of race, color, sex, religion, national origin or sexual orientation.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    Yeah, maybe somewhere other than their parents.

    I disagree with pressing charges against the parents. Someone doing wrong, even a minor, is not necessarily an indication that the parents are likely to do the same thing or are in some way conditioning the child to behave like that.

    Peers are equal if not greater conditioners than parents, and inpersonal information outlets like the mediar also condition people to an extent. Then you have asocial experiences which the parents my not have been able to do anything about (or even know about), and there's the fact that people can really be physiologically predisposed to certain kinds of behavioral maladaption.

    Adding all of that up, it would be quite unwarranted to put so much blame on the parents.
    +1

    I think there's something wrong with the accessibility of the faculty. I mean, if a girl is being harassed for 3 months, she's bound to solicit an authority figure eventually, regardless of how embarrassed she is. However, there was little intervention here. Only 2 faculty members even bothered to lift a finger. Obviously there was either a communication breakdown or pure negligence. Either way, I think something was shambled about the system.

  9. #29
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    homeschool, charter schools, some districts allow intra-district transfers... possibly the latter two weren't available in the area and not everyone is able to homeschool because of work/schedule issues (and I don't know the requirements in Mass). Also since they were from another country I imagine they wouldn't have wanted to rock the boat too much.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  10. #30
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Where else would she go? The law pretty much spells out that your child has to attend school. Usually you must go where your zip code dictates that you go, at least to my understanding from my own school experience. So I mean if the mother can't afford private school, maybe she felt trapped into that situation and simply hoped that she could continue to press the school to do something about it.

    I mean schools can get nasty over missing school. My niece had mono and was out of high school for six weeks one time and the school was threatening my sister with enforcing the law, even though they had doctor's notes to support the abscence.
    I agree that the parents may have either felt trapped or didn't understand the severity of the impact the bullying was having on their daughter but there are always options when you're talking about the wellbeing of your children. I'm not saying what the parents should have done in this situation, hindsight is 20/20 so it's too presumptuous to say they did anything wrong, but until the school does threaten with law enforcement keeping a child at home until the bullying has been stopped or finding another school that isn't going to break your bank sound like options to me. And truancy shouldn't be an issue if a doctor supports keeping a child at home, your sisters school should have no right to attempt to overrule what a doctor has said. It's a different system here no doubt, so I don't know, I don't accept that there are no options though.

    With the increase of bullying and the severity of it's effects maybe this is part of the law that needs to be addressed so a child's welfare always comes first.

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