I don't exactly understand it really myself, but I really don't like praying publically.
I feel very selfconscious I guess and I feel like all of a sudden I have to be "ON" for God. I just don't like it.
It doesn't feel natural to me and is not one of my gifts and I feel like people are judging me when I do or are appraising my spirituality based on how good of a speech I make to God on behalf of everyone. I have heard people say, wow you can tell this person is really in love with God by how they pray. I don't agree with that.
I don't think it bad to pray publically I just don't think it is for everyone. I admire those who have a gift for it but I just don't have it and don't feel that I fail some kind of litmus test because I don't.
I am not big about advertising for God so to speak, I am not out to save people- I don't befriend people as part of an outreach to save their souls- I befriend people because I simply like them and they don't have to share my personal spiritual or religious beliefs for me to be friends with them- they don't have to have any at all.
I just want to be me and them be them. I feel that I will have done God a good service by being a good quality friend to that person and trying to live my life according to my principles. I feel like God is the one who saves- not me.
I am not very evangelistic at all- it isn't a gift of mine either. I don't like preaching about God but I do enjoy asking questions about God-especially those which cannot be asnswered and asking others about their belief's.
Sometimes I feel like a spiritual faliure but deep down I feel like I am just different then most others and am misunderstood.
I wonder if anyone else can relate.