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  1. #121
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Good point, Bluebell, about anger being the first step in getting in touch with what needs to be healed. Some people get stuck at this level and are never able to progress. We see them everywhere. The people who are ranting in the bus station. (Usually has to do with something that happened to them years ago. Somebody comes by and does something irritating and that old trigger is pulled once again. Hooked in by hatred.)

    Or the person who DOES kick his dog because his wife did something that made him angry.

    That initial stage of recognition that one is angry is very much like kindergarden, I think, Mlittrell. It comes from our most primitive impulses - fight or flight. A human at his most crude stage of development.

    Fortunately we are not animals and so people, who have knowledge about change and harmony and social concerns, learn that there are other options. They're ones that keep us from walking into situations where we will act like an animal and, in turn, be treated like one. Locked up in prison, for instance.


    Although it's a matter of courtesy, social order and intelligent connection that's not what it is about. I see it as a matter of commmon sense and self-preservation to learn to act in public in ways that work to our ultimate growth and benefit.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #122
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    That initial stage of recognition that one is angry is very much like kindergarden, I think, Mlittrell. It comes from our most primitive impulses - fight or flight. A human at his most crude stage of development.
    it was an example.

    now my last post was made in a half conscious state lol let me rephrase. when it comes to little things like your friend lies to you for example, you dont plot revenge, you forgive him but stay on your guard or handle it however you may. lets say its something like murder or rape, in that circumstance i would never expect anyone to forgive and forget lol...thats a bit much. can it be done, yes. you can forgive in any circumstance if your values so let you. basically, don't sweat the small things. basically what i dont understand is an eye for an eye on a small interpersonal level. this is my opinion though, take it with a grain of salt as most people do lol.
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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  3. #123
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Yes, I saw your example, Mlitrell!

    And you raised an interesting speculation. What is it that compels some people to seek revenge for the small stuff?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #124
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Oopsie. I'm wondering if whatever is still with us. Think I've turned a corner from the initial question. . .

    I'll try to make a connection.

    What are the reasons why forgiveness is so difficult? Will that work?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  5. #125
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    my immediate answer to that question would be that people that do such things do not have a grasp on how to deal with emotions. if i thought more on it (and i will) im sure i could come up with 100 different reasons.

    *Disclaimer* Extreme Generalization below:

    I could see an INTJ or any NT for that matter that had a lack of emotional intelligence going for the "every action has an equal but opposite reaction" meaning if they hurt me then i must hurt them equally. like i said, generalization. screw the grain of salt on this one lol.
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

    Enneagram: 9w1

  6. #126
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Okay. I see that.

    It made me think of an angry parent saying, "I'm going to teach that kid a lesson." He hits the child. The child does learn a lesson. . .
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  7. #127
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Still thinking.

    Keeping an "equal balance?" Justification. . .
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  8. #128
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Maybe I'm not there. Heh.

    Maybe the question is "DOES forgiveness make a difference?"

    Looks like I need some help from a Thinker?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  9. #129
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Yes, I saw your example, Mlitrell!

    And you raised an interesting speculation. What is it that compels some people to seek revenge for the small stuff?
    Attachment to the ego + insecurity.

    How dare you hurt or belittle me? No one does that to ME. You will pay for making me feel powerless. I'll show you how powerful I am.

  10. #130
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    Well, no one wants to feel powerless.

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