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Is it ever okay to be negative, judge or label? If not then why do we do it?

LightSun

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#9
Quote:
“Everything you see and perceive is a reflection of yourself” Siddhartha Gautam Buddha 500 B.C.

Quote:
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." ~ Carl Gustav Jung


Quote:
"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." Herman Hesse
 

LightSun

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"Do not think negative thoughts, but deal with the situation rationally.

Do not speak with negative energy. It is a reflection of you and not the other.

Do not act negatively, but react realistically with the proper restraint even if negative energy is directed at you.

Now we influence each other with positive or negative energy. In this universe for every action there is an equal reaction. So the natural tendency is to repay negative energy with more negative energy.

This feels very good and we feel self- righteous about it. After all the other is in the wrong and not us. In our mind the other is blind and does evil, immoral, wrong words or actions.

But the key is that it is irrelevant to one's path. The key is that being negative in even the slightest is a true reflection of self and not the other. The other's path is their destiny."
 
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Judging is an attempt to understand what is around us, and assert control over it. If what someone does affects me, then I judge it to influence it.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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I think those above quotes can be true a lot of the time mostly because during our early development we tend to take on the traits of our closest family and friends. So, when the people closest to us possess traits that bother us, in those cases we often possess the same traits because they influenced us during development. Also, they influenced us before our sense of self was fully developed.

If you look at simple conflicts like people who like to keep a super clean house and people who are messy, then you see people who are bothered by each other because they are opposite. I don't think that a neat-freak being bothered by a messy person means that deep down the clean-freak has that quality. Also, bossy and compliant people can irritate each other for having opposite traits, and I don't think it means that deep down they possess each others' trait. People who are kind will be upset by cruel people and it doesn't mean that deep down they are cruel. If you are bothered by your mother, brother, sister, father, or childhood friend's behavior, then that is a case where it makes sense to take a look at oneself to see how you are the same. It is also possible to learn how to be the opposite of what we encountered in development because it can be a lesson in what not to be, but that will not stop us from being bothered by those traits.

There are a few ways that people who do the wrong thing like to push their behaviors onto others who are not guilty of those behaviors. One can involve universalizing quotes like the above. People will be upset when someone is cruel and it doesn't mean they are just as bad deep down. It means that the cruel person has crossed a line and has upset people, and it is as simple as that. People can also use religion and the idea that "all sins are equally bad" as a way to make the worst people accuse the kinder people of being "just as bad".

There are a few ways that I think we are limited in our ability to accurately judge another person because we haven't lived their life. One thing I attempt to do (but sometimes fail), is to remind myself that it is possible I would be just as bad if I had lived that person's life. It is possible that we are all equal in terms of circumstance - it might be the case that each one of us is simply what humanity looks like when subjected to a set of genetic and environmental conditions.

However, that is only true if there is no free-will, if we cannot self determine who we are morally outside of genetics and circumstance. To whatever extent we can self-determine, that is the extent to which we are responsible for who we become, and it is the same extent to which we can judge another person for who they became. The problem is that on one level it is not possible to prove free-will absolutely, and so there is one level of judgment that needs to be withheld. There is always a possibility we could be "just as bad" if we had lived another life.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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Quote:
"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." Herman Hesse
So here's a personal and upsetting question in the face of an "enlightened" statement like this. I have someone I love who has been brutally raped multiple times by someone - she has been hospitalized multiple times. She believes in being forgiving, but I think it also limits her ability to feel enraged enough to leave the environment. I'm enraged at her attacker, I want him dead with everything in my heart, and no, it isn't because I am like him. It is because he is cruel, he hurts my friend, and needs to stop. If I were not bothered by his behavior I would be exactly like HIM, not like me. He's the one who isn't bothered by the behavior and that is exactly the problem. Actually a lot of psychopaths are NOT bothered by much of anything, and no, they are not enlightened. They aren't bothered when others are cruel because they are cruel, because it is part of who they embrace within themselves.

I know this post expresses an extreme case, but I have been dealing with a lot of hate and rage towards him this year, and I do think that some of these kinds of super idealistic quotes are taking morality to an abstract level that makes sense in the philosophical realm, but can actually be quite destructive when placed onto reality. Yes, you can philosophically say that they are the result of environment like I mentioned in the above post, but if that stops us from solving the problem, from putting an end to destructive behavior (sometimes at all costs), then it becomes a philosophy that facilitates cruelty rather than enlightening individuals towards compassion.

(Edit: I'm sorry this post sounds angry - please know it's not directed at the person making the quote, but at the philosophical concept of destructive idealism. I still maintain the premise of the post, but would word it better if posting now. I was in shock at the time.)
 
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Coriolis

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If being negative means focusing on what is negative around us, that is essential if we are to address and correct those negative things. Focusing on the positive corrects nothing.

Judging is also essential and happens all the time. We cannot go through life without forming judgments about things. Ideally these are based on the facts of the matter, rather than our own preconceived notions or prejudices. Even in a simple trip to the grocery store, we make tens if not hundreds of judgments.

Finally, we cannot use language without labelling. Words, after all, are nothing more than labels for the things they represent. I am doing an activity we label "typing" on a device we label a "keyboard" right now.
 

Amargith

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Quote:
“Everything you see and perceive is a reflection of yourself” Siddhartha Gautam Buddha 500 B.C.

Quote:
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." ~ Carl Gustav Jung


Quote:
"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." Herman Hesse

It's easier and allows for jumping to a conclusion so the action/doing thing can begin - as this helps us feel in control. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it just gets cheapened by those that don't want to do the work that leads up to the conclusion/judgement.

Because that requires energy, and learning. Effort. And the brain is all about shortcutting that stuff for efficiency reasons.

Also, psychologically, judging others gives an emotional release, in the form of justification to release the frustration and anger we feel due to generalisation of trauma and/or projecting of our own fears and insecurities that we cannot be arsed to deal with.

It's easier to make them someone elses problem. Occasionally, when we become aware of this process, it can also help us process those long buried feelings...sadly, at the expense of others. And many of us have to re-engage that loop of frustration and irritation at someone elses expense in order to work through those issues (providing others with issues, in the mean time, always fun, like a virus spreading through the population).

It's also a knee-jerk reaction so it takes time to learn how to controll it - kind of like non-stop holding in your belly and seeing the temptation to let go coming.
 

theflame

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I judge people based on their morals and beliefs, whether or not they are good influences for me to be around. Yes, it is okay. Depending on who you hang out with determines you being at the wrong place at the wrong time getting caught up in things you normally wouldn't get caught up with had you hung out with the right kinds of people. I like to hang around productive people, people who do something with their lives...not ones who sit at home all day not doing anything with themselves. Plus, things cost money to do so I think it's okay to hang around people who have jobs or have a savings so we can hang out.

People who slack rub their slack on me, too, so I need to be around motivated people.
 

LightSun

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Judging is an attempt to understand what is around us, and assert control over it. If what someone does affects me, then I judge it to influence it.

I've learned that one can not argue with one does not listen except to their own words. In that case there is no mutual dialogue. Nothing is to be gained. To reply, respond or judge is ineffective action. You are projecting your internal universe at the other person and vice versa. What I have learned is the win-win scenario advocated by both Stephen Covey 'Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' and in the movie 'A Beautiful Mind,' Russell Crowe's portrayal of a Nobel Laureate who proposed working together or compromise rather than each fighting for their own ground.

“Apparently On our journey's we need two types. Type one that reinforces us, rejuvenates us and inspires us. Type two happen being people who try our patience and fortitude of spirit. Yet, I believe there is the possibility of synergy here and hopefully we both grow. Treasure the friend who can help you in this most miraculous of journeys. What is refreshing is finding a light such as yourself and others while on the path of wisdom, knowledge, love and mercy until these are so readily available, free and open to use these gifts derived from an arduous path, all the while keeping a faith, a belief and your vision.

It will take at least one individual willing to keep a door open. But if the other party is totally distorted it takes an extreme amount of work to build a bridge of understanding and trust. We must also deal with unpleasant experiences that force us to examine our core beliefs and either strengthen them or modify the position we hold. No one must stick with their rigid beliefs but bend like a willow through all life's many travails.

For me reason and love has a trial and testing dealing in adverse circumstances where inner evils come out and have a party playing with your feelings of self-defeating feelings as jealousy, anger and on with the other negative demons that haunt each individual to reveal who you are. In this universe for every action there is an equal reaction. So the natural tendency is to repay negative energy with more negative energy. This feels very good and we feel self- righteous about it. After all the other is in the wrong and not us.

In our mind the other is blind and does evil, immoral, wrong words or actions. But the key is that it is irrelevant to one's path. The key is that being negative in even the slightest is a true reflection of self and not the other. The others path is their destiny.”
 

LightSun

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I think those above quotes can be true a lot of the time mostly because during our early development we tend to take on the traits of our closest family and friends. So, when the people closest to us possess traits that bother us, in those cases we often possess the same traits because they influenced us during development. Also, they influenced us before our sense of self was fully developed.

If you look at simple conflicts like people who like to keep a super clean house and people who are messy, then you see people who are bothered by each other because they are opposite. I don't think that a neat-freak being bothered by a messy person means that deep down the clean-freak has that quality. Also, bossy and compliant people can irritate each other for having opposite traits, and I don't think it means that deep down they possess each others' trait. People who are kind will be upset by cruel people and it doesn't mean that deep down they are cruel. If you are bothered by your mother, brother, sister, father, or childhood friend's behavior, then that is a case where it makes sense to take a look at oneself to see how you are the same. It is also possible to learn how to be the opposite of what we encountered in development because it can be a lesson in what not to be, but that will not stop us from being bothered by those traits.

There are a few ways that people who do the wrong thing like to push their behaviors onto others who are not guilty of those behaviors. One can involve universalizing quotes like the above. People will be upset when someone is cruel and it doesn't mean they are just as bad deep down. It means that the cruel person has crossed a line and has upset people, and it is as simple as that. People can also use religion and the idea that "all sins are equally bad" as a way to make the worst people accuse the kinder people of being "just as bad".

There are a few ways that I think we are limited in our ability to accurately judge another person because we haven't lived their life. One thing I attempt to do (but sometimes fail), is to remind myself that it is possible I would be just as bad if I had lived that person's life. It is possible that we are all equal in terms of circumstance - it might be the case that each one of us is simply what humanity looks like when subjected to a set of genetic and environmental conditions.

However, that is only true if there is no free-will, if we cannot self determine who we are morally outside of genetics and circumstance. To whatever extent we can self-determine, that is the extent to which we are responsible for who we become, and it is the same extent to which we can judge another person for who they became. The problem is that on one level it is not possible to prove free-will absolutely, and so there is one level of judgment that needs to be withheld. There is always a possibility we could be "just as bad" if we had lived another life.

labyrinthine wrote, (1) “... quotes can be true a lot of the time mostly because during our early development we tend to take on the traits of our closest family and friends.”

“ …we often possess the same traits because they influenced us during development. Also, they influenced us before our sense of self was fully developed.

(2) “... simple conflicts …people who are bothered by each other…opposite. “ “... I don't think it means that deep down they possess each others' trait. People who are kind will be upset by cruel people and it doesn't mean that deep down they are cruel.”

Thank you for your intense response and feedback. I agree on that score. However to judge only will show a lack in understanding. Judgment produces nothing and the energy invested in judging or labeling another person we don’t understand or have different moral values only comes back to us. The other person is not going to accept our pronounced judgment. If we’d only work on ourselves rather than pointing fingers this would be a better world.

(3)“...possible to learn how to be the opposite of what we encountered in development because it can be a lesson in what not to be, but that will not stop us from being bothered by those traits.”

I agree again. In development we can mirror and model learned behavior or we can do the exact opposite.

(4) “...ways that people who do the wrong thing like to push … behaviors onto others who are not guilty of those behaviors.” “People …upset …cruel and it doesn't mean they are just as bad deep down. It means that the cruel person has crossed a line and has upset people.”

I agree with the sentiment. Say the other person is wrong. Unless we have a supervisory capacity or authority over the person being negative or judging accomplishes nothing except make oneself negative.

(5) “... limited in our ability to accurately judge another person because we haven't lived their life.” “ …possible I would be just as bad if I had lived that person's life. It is possible that we are all equal in terms of circumstance. It might be the case that each one of us is simply what humanity looks like when subjected to a set of genetic and environmental conditions.”

“... self-determine, that is the extent to which we are responsible … become, and it is the same extent to which we can judge another person for who they became. “ “...possibility we could be "just as bad" if we had lived another life.”

I agree once again. It has been supported by science that our conscious decisions are actually made at the subconscious level before we are even cognizant. This is why I follow the nature and nurture paradigm and feel that what people do is not entirely their choice but a by product of their genes and mental make up. It by no means excuses their behavior for all must be accountable for his or her actions.
 

LightSun

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If being negative means focusing on what is negative around us, that is essential if we are to address and correct those negative things. Focusing on the positive corrects nothing.

Judging is also essential and happens all the time. We cannot go through life without forming judgments about things. Ideally these are based on the facts of the matter, rather than our own preconceived notions or prejudices. Even in a simple trip to the grocery store, we make tens if not hundreds of judgments.

Finally, we cannot use language without labelling. Words, after all, are nothing more than labels for the things they represent. I am doing an activity we label "typing" on a device we label a "keyboard" right now.

Coriolis wrote, (1) “… negative means focusing on what is negative around us, that is essential if we are to address and correct those negative things. “
“...facts of the matter, rather than our own preconceived notions or prejudices.” Focusing on the positive corrects nothing.

Agreed Coriolis, I don’t advocate positivism to the expense of being realistic and pragmatic as well. It’s my stance to stick to facts and not subjective language which hold a person’s secret prejudices and blind spots of awareness.

(2) “Judging …essential …happens all the time. “ “...cannot go through life without forming judgments …” “... language without labeling. “ “Words, after all, are nothing more than labels … things they represent.”

In this respect it is a matter of semantics. I know we label things to understand them and communicate. It is the subjective labeling of a person and reality which leads to problems. It is really more telling of our inner nature and unresolved personal issues than addresses the situation or problem.
 

LightSun

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So here's a personal and upsetting question in the face of an "enlightened" statement like this. I have someone I love who has been brutally raped multiple times by someone - she has been hospitalized multiple times. She believes in being forgiving, but I think it also limits her ability to feel enraged enough to leave the environment. I'm enraged at her attacker, I want him dead with everything in my heart, and no, it isn't because I am like him. It is because he is cruel, he hurts my friend, and needs to stop. If I were not bothered by his behavior I would be exactly like HIM, not like me. He's the one who isn't bothered by the behavior and that is exactly the problem. Actually a lot of psychopaths are NOT bothered by much of anything, and no, they are not enlightened. They aren't bothered when others are cruel because they are cruel, because it is part of who they embrace within themselves.

I know this post expresses an extreme case, but I have been dealing with a lot of hate and rage towards him this year, and I do think that some of these kinds of super idealistic quotes are taking morality to an abstract level that makes sense in the philosophical realm, but can actually be quite destructive when placed onto reality. Yes, you can philosophically say that they are the result of environment like I mentioned in the above post, but if that stops us from solving the problem, from putting an end to destructive behavior (sometimes at all costs), then it becomes a philosophy that facilitates cruelty rather than enlightening individuals towards compassion.

labyrinthine wrote, “...someone I love who has been brutally raped multiple times by someone..." “...hospitalized multiple times." “She believes in being forgiving, but I think it also limits her ability to feel enraged enough to leave the environment. “I'm enraged at her attacker, I want him dead with everything in my heart…” “...cruel, he hurts my friend, and needs to stop."

“...not bothered … behavior I would be exactly…HIM…” “... psychopaths … NOT bothered …much of anything, and no, they are not enlightened. “ “...aren't bothered when others are cruel because they are cruel, because it is part of who they embrace within themselves. “...dealing with a lot of hate and rage towards him this year...I do think ...kinds ...super idealistic quotes ... taking morality ...

abstract level ...makes sense in the philosophical realm, but can actually be quite destructive when placed onto reality." “... philosophically …result…environment…stops us from solving the problem...putting ...end to destructive behavior (sometimes at all costs)… becomes a philosophy that facilitates cruelty rather than enlightening individuals towards compassion.”

I feel humbled. I can not state to your example as I do not wish to tread on emotions. All I can do is share my personal journey. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional household and was a scapegoat of bullying. As I have grown in my path I understand that they are who they are. I no longer hold grievance emotionally with them. It is their path not mine. I do not condone their behavior nor certainly the perpetrator of your friend. They must be held accountable. I establish boundaries and those who hurt me in the past can no longer do so.

They say forgive but each must do so at their own time and pace. All I can say with enough emotional healing the past wrongs no longer are in my consciousness. They do however carry a long lasting imprint and present problems to my current life. I do not blame them. As I said I understand and with understanding one can distance oneself from past trauma on an emotional level of healing.

As I was rereading this something struck me. labyrinthine you wrote, "...limits her ability to feel enraged enough to leave the environment." If such is the case, if perhaps this is domestic violence then it is an open festering wound. I stated I state my personal boundaries and in so doing domestic violence is wholly unacceptable. Your friend has to make some hard choices about leaving an abusive environment.
 

LightSun

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I know if I complain and blame there is an internal problem and too I am not accomplishing anything at all. But rather am contributing to the strife on this planet. Moreover ,it is lack of spiritual insight cognitive mindfulness and emotional maturity.
 

LightSun

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It's easier and allows for jumping to a conclusion so the action/doing thing can begin - as this helps us feel in control. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it just gets cheapened by those that don't want to do the work that leads up to the conclusion/judgement.

Because that requires energy, and learning. Effort. And the brain is all about shortcutting that stuff for efficiency reasons.

Also, psychologically, judging others gives an emotional release, in the form of justification to release the frustration and anger we feel due to generalisation of trauma and/or projecting of our own fears and insecurities that we cannot be arsed to deal with.

It's easier to make them someone elses problem. Occasionally, when we become aware of this process, it can also help us process those long buried feelings...sadly, at the expense of others. And many of us have to re-engage that loop of frustration and irritation at someone elses expense in order to work through those issues (providing others with issues, in the mean time, always fun, like a virus spreading through the population).

It's also a knee-jerk reaction so it takes time to learn how to controll it - kind of like non-stop holding in your belly and seeing the temptation to let go coming.

Amargith wrote, (1) “... easier and allows for jumping to a conclusion so the action/doing… can begin… helps us feel in control.”



It helps us feel in control but the irony is we are operating from the subconscious and operating in an inefficient and ineffective manner.


(2) “... don't want to do the work … leads up… conclusion/judgment.” “...requires energy… learning. Effort.” “...brain is all about short cutting … efficiency reasons. “... psychologically, judging others…emotional release, in the form of justification to release the frustration and anger we feel due to generalization of trauma and/or projecting of our own fears and insecurities…”

“...re-engage …frustration …irritation at someone else’s expense in order to work through those issues.”



You are right. These are called blind spots to a person’s awareness. They are issues, denial, rationalizations, projections, and distorted thinking.


(3) “... easier… make them someone else s problem. “ “...aware … process, it can also help us process those long buried feelings.” “... at the expense of others. “ “(providing others with issues…like a virus spreading through the population).” “... takes time to learn how to control …”



Until one learns as you stated to catch the initial knee jerk reaction of emotionalism and acts or speaks with reason and restraint the lesson will be repeated. These emotional triggers will continue to in control us when we naively act or speak in self righteous manner.
 

LightSun

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I judge people based on their morals and beliefs, whether or not they are good influences for me to be around. Yes, it is okay. Depending on who you hang out with determines you being at the wrong place at the wrong time getting caught up in things you normally wouldn't get caught up with had you hung out with the right kinds of people. I like to hang around productive people, people who do something with their lives...not ones who sit at home all day not doing anything with themselves. Plus, things cost money to do so I think it's okay to hang around people who have jobs or have a savings so we can hang out.

People who slack rub their slack on me, too, so I need to be around motivated people.

theflame wrote, “... judge people based …their morals and beliefs… good influences for me to be around.” “Yes, it is okay.” “...hang out with determines you being at the wrong place at the wrong time getting caught up in things you normally wouldn't get caught up with had you hung out with the right kinds of people.



It’s okay to make objective facts known. Subjectivity contain gross distortions in our thinking process.


'Definitions of Cognitive Distortions'

1. All or Nothing Thinking : We think in all or nothing, black and white, right or wrong categories, rather than seeing things more objectively, calmly, rationally and from many angles of truth.

2. Overgeneralization : You pick out one fact, comment or event and make it the totality of your sum experience.

Example: You made a mistake on a test, and think you always or always will make mistakes.

3. Mental Filter : You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.

Ex. You get one bad compliment and it ruins your entire day.

4a. Mind Reading Jumping to Conclusions : You think you know what someone is thinking of you. Many times a negative label.

4b. Fortune Teller-Jumping to Conclusions : You anticipate that things will go bad for you.

5a. Magnification : You magnify your characteristics, attributes, and successes in your mind. The narcissism effect.

5b. Minimizing : You minimize other people's characteristics, virtues, successes, or attributes.

6. Disqualifying the Positive : You reject positive experiences by insisting they don't count for some reason or other.In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your every day experiences.

7. Emotional Reasoning: I feel it to be true so it must be true.

8. Should statements. Self explanatory. I should/ought/must/have to; they/he/she-ought/must/should/have to; the world or reality or life- should/ought/must/have to.

9a. Labeling: labeling, name calling, pejoratives of self or others

9b. Mislabeling-labeling: Involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

10. Personalization: You blame yourself for something not in your control.

I.E. You feel responsible for another person's actions or feelings.

Or you blame yourself for how an event or experience turned out, that was not to your liking.

The above 10 distortions are taken from David D. Burns; Feeling Good (1980).
 

Amargith

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Amargith wrote, (1) “... easier and allows for jumping to a conclusion so the action/doing… can begin… helps us feel in control.”



It helps us feel in control but the irony is we are operating from the subconscious and operating in an inefficient and ineffective manner.


(2) “... don't want to do the work … leads up… conclusion/judgment.” “...requires energy… learning. Effort.” “...brain is all about short cutting … efficiency reasons. “... psychologically, judging others…emotional release, in the form of justification to release the frustration and anger we feel due to generalization of trauma and/or projecting of our own fears and insecurities…”

“...re-engage …frustration …irritation at someone else’s expense in order to work through those issues.”



You are right. These are called blind spots to a person’s awareness. They are issues, denial, rationalizations, projections, and distorted thinking.


(3) “... easier… make them someone else s problem. “ “...aware … process, it can also help us process those long buried feelings.” “... at the expense of others. “ “(providing others with issues…like a virus spreading through the population).” “... takes time to learn how to control …”



Until one learns as you stated to catch the initial knee jerk reaction of emotionalism and acts or speaks with reason and restraint the lesson will be repeated. These emotional triggers will continue to in control us when we naively act or speak in self righteous manner.

One nitpicking note - I don't like to judge emotionalism quite so harshly :D

I see it as raw material that needs to be honed and channeled - not evil that needs to be controlled and suppressed.

Carry on :coffee:
 

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One nitpicking note - I don't like to judge emotionalism quite so harshly :D

I see it as raw material that needs to be honed and channeled - not evil that needs to be controlled and suppressed.

Carry on :coffee:

I'm in the belief that it is when we attempt to control and suppress our emotionalism when problems truly arise. Though, this is coming from a Feeler where emotion is my native language and way of understanding the world. :)
 

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I'm in the belief that it is when we attempt to control and suppress our emotionalism when problems truly arise. Though, this is coming from a Feeler where emotion is my native language and way of understanding the world. :)
Indeed. I would say instead that it is when we let our emotionalism control us that problems arise.
 

LightSun

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#9
I'm in the belief that it is when we attempt to control and suppress our emotionalism when problems truly arise. Though, this is coming from a Feeler where emotion is my native language and way of understanding the world. :)

I'm a feeler as well empath. I use the balance of reason and compassion as a compass point. Although I am primarily a feeler I utilize reason and fact. Negative emotions and acting out of them is 'emotional reasoning' and has cognitive distortions or fallacies of fact. So realistically I try to be positive, realistic and pragmatic but not act out in negative emotionalism.
 

LightSun

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Joined
Aug 9, 2009
Messages
1,107
MBTI Type
INFP
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#9
"Choosing not to act on an angry impulse and to feel the pain that lies beneath it is a very courageous thing to do."~ Gary Zukav
 
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